Liminal - ghost_writer_96 - Twilight (Movies) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Chapter 1: new beginnings

Chapter Text

If you had told me that I would be finishing up the last half of my senior year at a high school on the other side of the country, I would've laughed in your face. If you then explained that I would be living with my sister, the antithesis of myself, well then I'd plum fall on the floor. And if you said it was because my father had received a promotion that would cause he and my mother to moveoutsideof the country...let's be real. I wouldn't have believed any of it.

But there I was, in the passenger seat of my sister's car, the backseat and trunk stuffed with all of my belongings. We'd been driving for two days already, staying in sketchy motels when neither of us could stay at a safe level of coherence. I wondered how much worse it would be to just lean the seat back and try to sleep that way. But there was too much stuff behind me, so it was sleezy stays until we reached the West coast. Cara hardly let me drive at all, even when her eyes involuntarily started to drift shut. She had the notion that my driving was terrible and I'd manage to get us both killed, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I drove just fine.

When I wasn't driving, which was the majority of the time, I tried to occupy myself with a book or my phone. But the cell reception was spotty at best and all of my books had been read at least three times over, if not more. There wasn't much to do other than stare out the window and admire the scenery. Well, if you could call it that. Miles upon miles of field or forest, each one looking identical to the last. The only indicator that we weren't driving in circles was the little towns that we passed through here and there for food, sleep, and potty breaks. But even they were starting to look the same. Thank God we hadn't taken the scenic route.

The sun was starting to set just to the left of our course, streaking various shades of red, orange, and pink across the sky. At least the sunsets were beautiful. I could tell that Cara would want to stop soon. She'd been driving all day, minus the hour or so around lunch that she had relinquished the wheel to eat a cheeseburger. She wouldn't have much juice left.

"Hungry?"

It was the first word she'd spoken in hours. Who knew how loud silence could be until you had to endure a day of it? My stomach gave a feeble growl at the thought of food.

"Gettin' there," I huffed, still eyeing the scarlet light bouncing off a few wispy clouds.

"We'll stop at the next town and get something there. Then turn in early so we can get a jump on the day tomorrow."

This trip was taking a lot longer than it needed to and Cara knew it as well as I did. She was smart, having graduated two years ahead of her peers. Why was she so hell bent and determined to not let me drive more than 60 miles on open road?

We were close to some type of town now. A few signs rushed to meet us as we shot down the highway. One of them advertised a diner on Main Street, promising cobbler and hamburger steak.

"Let's eat there," I motioned to the raggedy billboard as we passed it. I was getting a little tired of fast food. Cara nodded and turned off the highway onto a local road, making our way to downtown at a much slower pace. A couple of cars lined the sidewalk in front of the little shops around the heart of the town. The quaintness of it all reminded me of home. A barber shop here, a boutique there. And then the diner I'd seen the sign for, Rodge's. It looked to be the busiest place in town. Only a few spots remained open, farthest from the door.

Cara pulled in and brought the car to a stop. How wonderful it felt to stretch my legs, no,my whole body!I reached to the sky, eyes closed and arms spread wide. There was just the slightest bit of warm from the sun now, almost undetectable due to the winter chill. Man, back at home it had barely dropped below 50.

Inside the diner, it was like the sixties had thrown up everywhere. Checkered floors, vinyl booths with stuffing poking out, and formica table tops to boot. Behind the bar were old fashioned sundae bowls and baby blue and pink tile. Kind of reminded me of the old Winn-Dixie back in Alabama. One booth remained open in the far corner. Cara and I slid- well, scooted- in on opposite sides and began looking over the menu. A nice plate of chicken fingers called my name.

"I'm ready to be back in Washington," Cara rubbed her eyes hard before blinking several times. The lines around her mouth were more noticeable than usual. She was only 30, way too young to be developing frown lines. I wondered if she was using the moisturizer I had recommend a month ago. A waitress appeared at our table, notepad and pen at the ready.

"What can I get you ladies," her words were more of a statement than a question. She didn't bother to look at either one of us.

"Um, I'll have the chicken finger plate with fries and honey mustard, please. And a Dr. Pepper."

I so could have used a large sweet tea right now but highly doubted it would be available anywhere this far from the Mason-Dixon. She'd probably think I wanted hot tea with a lemon slice. No thanks.

Cara ordered a salad and water for herself. Much healthier than what I'd gotten. I could worry about carb and sugar intake once we'd made it to Forks. For now, it almost felt like a vacation. Like we were in this liminal space between my old home and my new home. Aboringvacation perhaps, but once we had everything settled, it would all become too real. I'd hold on to this feeling as long as I could.

The diner was slowly emptying out as we waited for our food. Couples trickled out to the parking lot that was now lit only by the neon sign and the lights off of Main Street. There were only a few occupied tables left: a family of three, some girls my age that kept laughing at what each other said, and a booth of what looked like construction workers. They'd probably be the next to leave, judging by their empty plates. The silence between my sister and I stretched out like a sea of choppy water. Sometimes it was hard to figure out the right words to say to Cara. This was one of those times.

"I bet your chicken fingers are holding up the order," she sighed, throwing me an exasperated look. Of course it was my fault our order hadn't been ready immediately.

"Sorry," I half mumbled, not wanting to meet her eyes. "Why don't you let me drive tonight while you sleep? We would get back a lot faster."

Cara sighed loudly.

"No. I don't want you driving so late at night, especially with me asleep."

I sipped on my Dr. Pepper slowly, again at a loss for the appropriate things to say that wouldn't make her anymore irritated than she already seemed. I hated the tension between my sister and I that seemed to spring up out of nowhere. Ten years apart and we still didn't get along the best. Thankfully, our waitress picked that moment to set down a bowl of sad leafy greens and a hot plate of freshly fried chicken. My stomach gave a much stronger rumble than earlier. I dug in, not bothering that the tenders burned the ends of my fingers as well as my tongue.

"Try and hurry so we can find a place to stay before it gets too late."

Cara had the unique ability of acting like a bossy mother rather than an older sister. My parents always said it was because she cared about me and felt responsible for my safety. I think she just liked the power. It's why she insisted on treating me like her baby sister, not younger sister. But this time, she did have somewhat of a point. The sun was completely set and night in an unfamiliar town was not where two young women needed to be alone. My eyes wandered around the diner, peeking at the other patrons, our waitress leaned against the bar with a bored look on her face, and the little patterns on the speckled tabletop. The Elvis themed clock above the bathrooms read seven 'o' clock.

NO VACANCY

The neon letters shone like a beacon. No, that wasn't quite right. Beacons were hopeful, good signs. This was an omen. A bad one.

Cara heaved a large, dramatic sigh and slammed her door shut for the third time. This was the last motel for another fifty or so miles. Sleeping in the car started to sound like our only option. I saw the look in my sister's eyes. The look of defeat, ofknowingshe would have to give in and let me behind the wheel for a couple of hours while she caught up on sleep. There was no way she could make it another minute on the road. Her fingers drummed anxiously on the steering wheel, before yanking the door open.

"Come on," she grumbled. I hopped out of the car and hurriedly ran to the driver's side, practically throwing myself into the car. Cara's eyelids were already drooping as I buckled my seat belt and started the car. By the time it was in drive, her head rested on the center console. Not the most comfortable sleeping position, but it would do for now. I settled my hand on her hair and gave it a little ruffle. Cara didn't respond with anything more than a light snore. A surge of ache, like my chest was tightening around my heart, shot through my body. So that was how she had been feeling. Cara reminded me a lot of Darry from The Outsiders. And I guess I could be a lot like Ponyboy and Sodapop. I was smart, but not always practical. With me, Cara saw the world from the perspective of a responsible adult. And I, the curious, reckless kid sister that would undoubtedly forget to put my head on in the morning if it wasn't attached to my body already. I guess I could cut her some slack, though that worked both ways. I wasn't nearly as ditsy as she made me out to be.

The full moon illuminated the sky just enough to see the silhouette of foothills and mountains on either side of the road. Instead of lush green grass like back at home, the side of the road was littered with scrubby brush and hard baked sand. I thought any second, some wild animal would spring out in front of my headlights.

There it was again. That liminal feeling. Like walking around a school at night or stopping to pee at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere. It was like time had halted and the only real part of the world was everything I could see with my own eyes. Cara's cramped car, filled to the brim with my stuff. The heavy silence that felt like another person in the car. I started thinking about what was waiting for us at the end of our trip. For Cara, we were just heading back home. For me, I was about to be surrounded by complete strangers in the most unfamiliar place. The more logical part of my brain assured me that starting a new school in a new town wasn't all that unusual and people did it all the time without any issues. But I'd never done it. And if I had planned to, that plan would have included my parents being there, too. The rest of my brain, the more emotional part, had spun this whole fantasy about what life would be like from here on out. Maybe I'd have a life like something out of a romance novel where the main character is this soft, pastel pink vibing girl that sits in coffee shops and sips caramel macchiatos while reading her newest find from the thrift bookstore from down the road. That's how I imagined it anyway.

But with each westbound mile we gained, that light, dreamy feeling slipped away, replaced by the more concrete reality of my situation.

I was going to live with my sister in Forks, Washington, the most dreary place in existence.

Chapter 2: arrival

Chapter Text

Last night's sunset had blazed across the sky in a fury of orange and red. This morning, the sunrise sheepishly crept over the horizon. The color changed from deep blue to orange and yellow in the span of an hour. Now, the bright blue almost hurt to look at, it was so dazzling. The white fluffy clouds looked like perfect tuffs of cotton candy. I kind of liked driving at this time of day. Hardly anyone was on the road, giving me time to think through all the different scenarios of what I'd find in roughly twelve hours. I'd seen pictures of Cara's house, so it wasn't too hard to imagine. But the image of my sister and I living there together made it dissolve. I couldn't make it stay in my mind very long.

At some point during the night, Cara had propped herself against the window, her face pressed up onto the glass. Her breath fogged it up in little puffs every few seconds. Good to know she was still alive. I thought about waking her once the sun was up, but decided not to. If she could stay asleep in that position for that long, then she really needed the rest. Now that the light shone brightly into the silent car, it was a matter of time before she awoke completely.

"Collins."

Cara's voice always sounded softer in the morning, right after getting up. It was like she was too out of it to be angry or upset with anything. Or anyone.

"Still right here, drivin' fine," I smiled. She groaned in response. We didn't have much farther to go, if my estimate was correct.

"Pull on over at the next gas station so I can grab some coffee and we'll switch places."

I'd had my fill of driving. My adrenaline rush had completely worn off about an hour ago, and it was my turn to crash in the passenger seat for a while. Thankfully, the next gas station was only a few miles out. We'd be there in no time.

Daddy wasn't going to get the promotion, I just knew it. Not because he wasn't a competent engineer or a hard worker, but because things like that just didn't happen to our family. Other people, but not us. Nothing that exciting ever happened.

My phone had beeped loudly in the middle of history class, my least favorite. Mr. Garner had a no tolerance policy for cell phones, no exceptions. It was only a matter of time before he would find the culprit and exact punishment. I reached for my phone and hastily opened it to see the one sentence I was sure wouldn't reach my phone.

Promo went thru! Moving 2 Euro!

I couldn't believe it. They were going to Europe, and I was being shipped off to live with a sister I'd hardly seen in ten years. The walls of the school could have tumbled down on all sides and I probably wouldn't have noticed. I sure didn't notice Mr. Garner asking for my phone until he grabbed it from my hand.

"Is...everything okay?" I must have looked like my best friend just died, because Mr. Garner NEVER showed mercy when it came to phones. He thought they were the downfall of civilization and the bane of his existence. I only imagined what my face looked like as I slowly nodded.

"Then you can sit in after school detention this afternoon. See me after the last bell."

It was a blessing in disguise to receive detention that day. Weird, I know, but without it, I probably wouldn't have had time to formulate the appropriate response to my father's success. Of course I was happy for him and my mother. This was precisely the position he'd been working twenty years to land. And with the starting bonus, they could retire peacefully and still have a little left over. Momma probably wouldn't have to work when they hopped across the pond.

ButEurope?AndForks?

They were suited for France about as well as I was suited for Washington: not.

But when I got home, it was all smiles. Neither of them even realized that I had been over forty five minutes late in getting home. There was too much to discuss about moving for both parties.

"Can't you just come live with me?" My best friend, Bethany, whined on the last day of school before Christmas break. My last day of school in Alabama, period. I'm sure I could have convinced my parents to let me finish out the next semester at homesomehow.But that plan required a lot of selfish dialogue, possibly wailing and gnashing of teeth. I couldn't tarnish their joy like that. Maybe Cara, but not me.

"You'll have to call me the minute y'all arrive, and then every week after that so we can gossip. I refuse to let you become my ex best friend."

That was only the second time Bethany had seen me cry, aside from the day Pascal, my favorite cat in the whole world, got snake bit and died. She'd been there to cheer me up then too, trying to take my mind off of it. But there was nothing that could help now because the harder she tried to make me laugh, the harder I cried. I'd miss Bethany's stupid made up songs and her loud mouth. The way she didn't care if guys thought she played too many sports or was a little too good at burping her ABCs. Her affinity for hot wings.

"Collins, wake up."

I had been right in the middle of a dream about tornadoes when Cara shook my shoulder hard enough that I opened my eyes. The little interior light above my head made me recoil.

"What time is it?" I mumbled, my voice thick from sleep. The sky was pitch black and we were parked somewhere, though I couldn't make out where quite yet. Cara had her door open and was halfway out of the car.

"About one. We're home."

Ugh, what a sick joke. Okay maybe that was a little dramatic, but the icy breeze cutting through my long sleeve cotton shirt sure didn't feel like home. I couldn't imagine a time where I had felt colder. It did wake me up and set me to moving though. My whole body shivered as we started unloading the car. Couldn't this wait till morning? My hands were quickly becoming less responsive with each bag I removed from the trunk. Before long, I'd be a snowman, right there in the driveway.

I glanced at Cara's house-well, I guess it was mine too. The pale blue paint on the cottage style home was starting to peel in various places. A few pieces of porch furniture sat to the side of the door, rusty and neglected. The hedges looked just plain sad at this time of year. If I tried really hard, I could almost imagine that we were in some small south Alabamian town and that Cara had never moved away, just out. Momma and Daddy would be just a few miles away, soundly asleep in their beds. But then the wind gave a sharp gust, and I knew that was a lie.

We managed to get all of my clothes in before Cara called it quits. We could get the rest tomorrow, when it wasn't so dark. I was totally fine with that. My hands had gone almost completely numb, making the task of carrying the huge garbage bags upstairs a difficult one.

"We'll have to get you some warmer clothes. Maybe when Momma and Daddy drop your car off in a couple a'days, we can all go to Port Angeles." She glanced up and down at my thin shirt and worn out tennis shoes.

"Sounds like a plan."

We said our good nights and went to our separate rooms. Mine was just after the stairs, to the left. I stood in the doorway for just a second to take all of it in. The walls were a light sea green and completely bare, except for a calendar hanging above the dark desk in the corner. The bed-my bed- was an old, metal frame with a firm mattress and a worn out yellow comforter that had seen better days. Add another thing to my Seattle shopping list. The only other furniture was a night stand and dresser, both matching the des,k and a space heater, probably older than me. Everything was arranged as far away as possible from one another to maximize the space in the small room.

I reached for the bag that was labelled 'lounge wear' and pulled out a threadbare pair of sweatpants. They weren't exactly Northern winter approved, but it beat sleeping in jeans or shorts. I cranked up the heater, knowing that the HVAC unit wouldn't warm up nearly as quickly as I wanted. The place was freezing, how could I sleep like that?

The cool sheets created chill bumps all over my legs and arms as I slid into bed. It smelt like dust and laundry detergent. I was hardly tired from all the sleeping on the drive today. My mind started racing through images of people back home and the places I'd miss.

The barbecue shack that looked straight from an episode of Criminal Minds, but had the best pulled pork sandwiches in the entire state. The ice cream shop downtown that my friends and I frequented so much, they'd probably let us scoop our own orders. The little church downtown that held forty members of the congregation on a good day, but had been the place you'd find me every Sunday, in the third row between my parents and the little kids, trying to keep them from putting chewing gum in the hymnals.

And then it was the people.

The librarian at my old school that always took my book recommendations seriously, and even ordered books for the library based on them. Ms Charlotte, our neighbor that loved to bring a pie or some Johnny cake over every once in a while. My friends, that would probably forget about me once school got rolling again.

I knew that wasn't the truth, but my brain had taken a turn off of Depression Drive and was headed straight down Sorrow Street. Everything felt like it'd happened so fast. One day, I was sitting in Physics, thinking about how nice it was to be sitting next to our first string quarterback and contemplating whether asking him to prom would be social suicide. The next, I was across the country, in a foreign house, in a foreign bed.

It'll be a miracle if I manage to fall asleep,I thought.

Momma and Daddy would be in town before school started, but only for a day. After, they'd fly out to their new lives. I almost didn't want them to come because when they did, it'd be the last time I saw them for months, maybe a year. It also mean that the semester was starting, and I'd have to go to school again. In a town this small, there was no way I'd get by undetected. At least they were bringing my car with them. I had insisted on driving it myself, but they insisted on that not happening at all.

The rain started falling against the roof and in seconds, I couldn't remember what exactly I'd been thinking about. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and tried to roll over into a comfortable position. Sound enough, my lids wouldn't stay open and my mind no longer thought clearly. In minutes, I was out.

Chapter 3: town tour

Chapter Text

The first thing on Cara's agenda at 8:30 in the morning was to finish unpacking the car. The weather outside had warmed up compared to last night, but barely. Something about rearranging my room while wearing a sweater and jeans just didn't sit right with me. I should be in Nike shorts and an old Beta club t-shirt, but then I'd probably freeze to death. Who knew you could fit so much stuff in a Nissan Sentra?

Outside, I got a better look at everything in the light. The most fitting word I could use to describe our street wasquaint. All the houses had the same coastal look, like something out of Cap Cod. At least two were on the market. I guess there weren't hoards of people looking to move to Forks. Our house wasn't the only one chipping paint, though it did seem to be a part of the better kept ones. Surrounding our street was a dense expanse of forest, likely due to all the heavy rain fall. It was sogreen. The grass, the spruces, firs, hemlock, and pine. Back home, it was less forest and more woods. Lots of brown and yellow. But at least it was something. Far at the end of the street sat a rusty red Chevy. That was familiar too, seeing really old trucks parked in front yards.

Halfway up the stairs for the third time, I seriously considered taking whatever was left in the car and dropping it off at a Salvation Army or local mission. Cara sure didn't help the situation either, always bossing where I should put things. Thank God I wouldn't have to share a bathroom with her because I'm pretty sure we'd end up strangling each other.

Once the last box was placed in the corner, it was all a matter of unpacking everything. My clothes alone would take the better part of an hour. I started a heap of things that I couldn't or wouldn't wear anymore and made a note to take them downtown and sell them if I could. There had to be at least a huge garbage bag full, if not more.

By lunch time, I'd managed to hang up and fold all the clothing I was willing to keep and that would fit in the small closet. About half of my belongings were in their rightful place while the rest of them still remained in boxes. If I wasn't starting school in a couple of days, I could have cooled it on the unpacking frenzy and done a little at a time. But the last thing I needed was more stress. I hated unpacking though; a box of sketching paper and a new package of pencils that I had yet to tryout had nearly stopped me in my tracks. There were so many things to draw here, so many plants and leaves and tree fronds that would look beautiful with a little charcoal shading.

Focus on the task at hand, Collins.

I tried to look extra busy when Cara poked her head into the doorway. She'd been catching up on work from over the holidays and had secluded herself to the living room for the better part of the morning.

"If you can get ready in 30 minutes, we'll grab somethin' at the diner in town, and maybe go on a lil' tour."

Cara was in a good mood today, probably less stressed now that there wasn't a mountain of paperwork for her to do and her sleep schedule would soon be back to normal.

"Yeah just let me shower real quick."

Okay, to be honest, there'd never been anything 'quick' about my showers. I just loved the hot water too much. But really, who would care if I skipped shaving my legs? perhaps the extra hair would fight off the ever-present chill. God, it felt like forever since I had showered somewhere besides a motel bathroom. There were no questionable pieces of hair clinging to the tub or curtain and the towels smelt clean. I wrapped a fluffy one around me and twisted my hair up in another. Most of my makeup was still put away, but I was able to throw on some concealer and mascara to look reasonably human. I pulled on my thickest jeans and warmest sweater. My tall boots were more fashionable than practical, so that was another thing to grab on our trip when Momma and Daddy came in.

There wasn't a whole lot to Forks: some shops downtown, a post office, police station, a Methodist church, and a gas station.

Just like home,I thought. It seemed there were a lot of similarities between my hometown and here. If only I tried to look for them.Stop thinking about your old home. It's a little too late for that.

Last night, just as I was drifting off, I'd promised myself not to dwell on my life in Alabama anymore. There was no point in making the transition any more difficult than it needed to be. Easier said than done, but I at least had to try.

The diner sat sandwiched between a barber shop and antique store. A string of bells jingled every time the door opened. That was a good sign. The restaurant was right in the middle of a lunch rush, but we were able to find a table by the window. The menus looked like they'd seen better days, probably sometime around the eighties. Another promising sign.

"That's the chief of police and his daughter, Bella, sittin' to our left. For God's sake, don'tstareat 'em," Cara hissed the last few words at my blatant disregard for social etiquette.

"Didn't mean to," I said indignantly. "Besides, he's watchin' TV and she ain't lookin' this way either."

Still, I snuck a less conspicuous glance their way after a few minutes. The chief looked like such a dad. His eyes were locked on the football game as he lifted bites of steak to his mouth. Bella was staring off into space, at what, I had no idea. I figured she was daydreaming. I drew my attention back to the menu and scanned for something that sounded appetizing. So much for eating healthier here. I could always start that later.

The waitress was insanely sweet, unlike the last time we'd eaten at a diner. She had that small town charm and seemed to recognize my sister. In just under fifteen minutes, she was bringing our food out, as well as a refill on drinks. I'd barely dug into my mashed potatoes when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Chief Swan had approached our table, his daughter just a few steps behind him.

"Hi Charlie, hey Bella. Just finishing'up lunch?" Cara greeted them politely. Charlie grinned real wide and threw an arm around Bella's shoulders.

"Yup, nothing much has changed since you left. Glad to see your back in town with your...?"

I felt my face heat up as three sets of eyes landed on me. Hopefully there wasn't any gravy on my chin or a green bean stuck in my hair. Stranger things had happened.

"Collins, she's my sister," Cara supplied for him. "She'd gonna be stayin' with me for the rest of the school year while my parents travel for work. You'll have to keep an eye out for her." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I was already eighteen and fully capable of looking after myself, even in an unfamiliar place.

"Well, maybe she and Bella can spend some time together. You a senior?"

I hastily swallowed a mouthful of Dr. Pepper and regretted it as my esophagus felt like a balloon was trapped inside.

"Yessir," I smiled. Wow, my accent seemed so much more prominent here. "I'll be startin' as soon as school is back in session."

"Good, good. You two might have some classes together then," he directed the last sentence at Bella, who started to look just the slightest bit uncomfortable. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and smiled, though it came across as more of a grimace. I bet she would be an interesting read.

"I reckon we'll leave you to it. Nice meeting you, Collins. Cara," he waved and both of them turned to the door. Bella hadn't said a word the whole time. I wondered if Forks was a clique-ish town because I'd definitely not gotten that impression for my sister. It seemed too small to even have cliques. I stabbed another piece of hamburger steak and bit into it. The gravy had just the right amount of salt. Cara cleared her throat and eyed the door until it jingled.

"Charlie's a nice guy. His daughter is too, she just...I don't know. Can't figure her out," she huffed and waved her hand theatrically. Cara had a habit of psychoanalyzing everyone, not just her patients. I hated when she did that to me, but it was kind of fun to try it on other people. I imagined I could be good at it too, but that was probably due to my unfair advantage.

"She's probably just quiet," I mused. Nothing wrong with that. Cara hesitated to agree.

"I don't know, every since she started datin' one of the Cullen boys, it's like she's on a whole other planet when I talk to her."

"Who's Cullen?"

"Dr. Cullen is the head doctor at the hospital. He's absolutely brilliant to be so young. I work with some of his patients in the psych ward. He and his wife adopted a couple kids, and one of them is dating Bella. The whole family is very well mannered, but they're a little...odd. Kind of standoffish. Just my opinion though."

Cara had a tendency to think that a lot of normal people were weird. I had a tendency to take her opinion with a grain of salt.

"Oh, that's nice of them to adopt. I'll probably seem them in class too."

After eating, we made a quick trip by the school so I'd know how to get there. It wasn't too difficult, mostly just a straight shot from the house. The school wasn't much bigger than the one I'd left, though it did have several more buildings, each spaced out evenly across campus. The front office was surrounded by neat little shrubs and still had a festive wreath on the door. How cute.

The days between arriving at Forks and Momma and Daddy showing up kind of ran together. By day two, everything had a place in my room and every cardboard box had been stacked in the garage for storage purposes. I'd started reading books to pass the time, since I didn't have my car yet and Cara was not about to let me joy ride around with hers while she was at work. After restocking the fridge and pantry, I had enough food to snack on mindlessly. And still, I ate a tomato sandwich more often than not, with a glass of homemade sweet tea because the bottle stuff just tasted soured to me.

The Sunday before school started, my parents rode up on a white horse, at seven sharp. Well, it was actually a white Camry, but who cared? I was just happy to have my wheels back. And, well, my parents, even if it were only for a day.

"Wow," was the first thing my mom said when she stepped through the front door. "I knew your house was big but not this big."

I was pretty large for just two people, though I wouldn't complain about that.

"I guess that psychology did pay off," was what Daddy said. I thought for sure that Cara would have something biting to say back, but she simply pulled them into a hug before shooing them out of the door again.

"We've got a long day ahead of us, so let's not dither. I don't wanna be late to the airport because you guys didn't have enough time to buy Collins a full wardrobe."

Momma and I took the back seat, though I knew she would get car sick if she weren't careful. She looked as radiant as ever, with her freshly highlighted hair and red lipstick. I wished my hair was still that color naturally.

"What do you think of Forks so far?" She desperately wanted a pleasant answer. I didn't need to read her emotions to know that.

"Um, I'm not sure yet. I haven't gotten the opportunity to see all of it like I want. But what I have seen seems very nice. I met the chief of police and his daughter the other day." There, that would be sufficient.

"Oh good! Those are nice connections to have," she replied cheerfully, before pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear like she always did. That was all it took. Excitement, nerves, guilt. It all came flooding over me with the smallest amount of physical touch. Excitement and nervousness about getting to move to France, guilt because I was being left with a sister that would have preferred I not move in and disturb her way of life. Momma's emotions were so predictable, but they still affected me like everyone else's.

Daddy reached for the radio dial and surfed for something to listen to.

Several more bodies have been found, bringing the total count up to five. These gruesome acts of violence beg the question: rabid animal, or organized gangs?

"Christ, they still haven't found the people responsible for those deaths you were tellin' us about?" Daddy asked incredulously. Cara simply shook her head, her lips thin and white over her teeth. "Well, I don't want you two in Seattle until they catch the people responsible. This world has gone crazy as a bed bug."

"That was one good thing about Andalusia. Never heard about gang violence," Momma tsked from my side.

"But they said it coulda been an animal," I insisted, though I wasn't too sure myself.

Cara snorted humorlessly.

"Have youseenthe photos of the crime scenes? I don't think there's an animal in Washington capable of that kinda torture," she scoffed.

"Let's talk about something a little happier," Mommasuggested. Always the peacemaker. So the conversation turned to their move to Europe and the details that surrounded that: their new apartment, Daddy's new job, and a rough outline for when we'd see them again. Momma insisted that we all spend a week in France come summer time. My mind instantly filled with images of croissants and creme brulee. Before long, I had a very elaborate daydream planned out of how I'd spend my week sipping coffee and eating as many carbs as my body could handle. All I had to do was endure a couple months of endless clouds

By the time we neared the port, a nice sprinkling of rain had popped up directly over head. First thing to shop for: a durable rain jacket and extra large umbrella. My old jacket was merely water resistant, and Lord knows, that wouldn't hold up to Fork's-grade storms. As it turns out, we weren't the only people with the idea to shop for clothes before school started back. Nearly all of the stores were bustling with shoppers wanting to return or exchange ill-fitting Christmas presents or spend gift cards. A lot of them looked to be around my age, and I tried to picture a few in my classes. Something about the picture didn't fit right. I still felt like a tourist on holiday with her family, though my family would rather commit all seven deadly sins than be away from home on any major holiday. It used to drive Cara absolutely crazy.

Momma and I found ourselves alone between racks of jeans and chunky sweaters. I'd already acquired a nice armful of long sleeve shirts, layering tank tops, thick socks, and a pair of boots. Cara and Daddy were somewhere, either arguing politics or discussing baseball stats. It could never be anywhere in the middle with them, but that's how they'd always been. I held up a cute blue and white striped sweater that felt particularly soft and showed it to Momma.

"Definitely get that one. And this too," she pointed out a mossy green waffle knit shirt with lace at the ends of the sleeves. Momma loved to shop as much as I did, and we got on a roll, there was no stopping us.

"So have you been by the school yet? Are you nervous?"

"Cara took me by the other day. It doesn't seem too bad, but I won't really know 'til tomorrow. People move schools all the time," I shrugged and took the green shirt she offered. I tried my best to sound excited, or at the very least, indifferent, about being in Forks. And too be honest, it wasn't all that hard when I thought about it like a new adventure. The only thing that interrupted that adventure were all the texts I'd been getting from my friends. School wouldn't start back in Andalusia for another week, and I felt like the odd woman out.

"Thank you for taking this as easily as you have. It means a lot to me, and I know it means the world to your father. Your sister hasn't exactly shared your enthusiasm," Momma quirked her eyebrow and toyed with a delicate Aspen leaf necklace. There's this rule about having siblings: no matter how much you guys don't get along, youalwaysdefend each other around the parents. No exceptions.

"I think she's just been stressed about work. Sounds like she missed a lot to move me all the way out here. She'll come around more once everything gets back into rhythm," I said, wanting to paint Cara in a more positive light.

"I know. You're probably right," Momma smiled and placed a navy blue felt hat atop my head before laughing. "Okay, youhaveto get that hat. It's adorable."

Adorable was an overstatement until I adjusted it properly over my hair, which is a feat when you have several bags of clothes and a couple of hangers draped over both arms. It made my hair look blonder and my eyes bluer, something I usually only got from the salon and makeup. I typically wasn't a fan of hats, unless they were baseball caps, but Momma was right about this one. It's like it was made for my noggin'.

We finally found Cara and Daddyat a sporting goods store just down the street, where I was able to snag a rain jacket suitable for hurricane level rain. My parents needed to be in Seattle by four for their flight out to Atlanta, so we stopped at a restaurant and had an early lunch before packing back into the car for the hours long drive. The rain had let up a while ago, and the sky had lightened just the slightest. With any luck, their flight wouldn't be delayed by the weather, though I selfishly hoped that they could stay just one more day with us before leaving indefinitely.

"We'll call as soon as we can and keep you updated 'til we reach France. I'll have to figure out this whole long distance callin' thing with our phones," Daddy pulled me into a tight hug and affectionately ruffled my hair. "Don't give your sister too much trouble, Collie."

God, I hated that nickname. But coming from my dad right then, I wanted to bawl into his shoulder and beg for the both of them not to go. I bit my cheek until I tasted the saltiness of blood. I didn't want them to be the one thing to hold them back. Mommagrabbed me next and squeezed me so tight that I gasped.

"I love you," she whispered in my ear.

"Love you more."

"Love you most."

She always beat me to the 'most' part. But as I watched her and Daddy's backs disappear through the crowd of people and felt my stomach drop to the ground, I seriously debated if it weren't the other way around.

Chapter 4: first day of school

Chapter Text

Time passed slowly up until Monday, but when it came, it seemed to all have been in a rush. Suddenly, I had to wake up at six 'o' clock and carry a backpack. All of my notebooks and and highlighters were color coded for each class and there was a fresh pack of my favorite pens just waiting to be used. School supply shopping was like cocaine and I, the willing addict.

The morning of my first day, the snooze button was pressed nary a time. Of all the days to sleep in, today wasn't it. Besides, I couldn't fall back asleep anyway. I was too wired, too anxious about being in a new school with new classes, full of new people that would hopefully not hate me. I wanted to put my best foot forward, preferably clad in a rain boot. After a nice shower and blow drying my hair, I felt a little more stable. I was having a good hair day, and my skin looked smooth for once. Perhaps the stars were aligning. Usually when I tried to keep my makeup simple and low key, it still looked over the top. So I forced my jittery hands to stop after filling in my eyebrows and applying generous coats of mascara and a lip tint.

I threw on one of my new sweaters, a pair of jeans, and the boots I'd gotten yesterday, along with my rain jacket. Dark grey clouds blanketed the sky outside the window, promising some amount of rain before the day ended.

Cara was sitting at the breakfast table by the time I made it down stairs, a bagel in one hand and the sport's section of the newspaper in the other. I grabbed an apple and took the chair opposite of her.

"Nervous about school," she asked without looking up. Her eyebrow quirked upwards, the one thing that all the women in the Walker family shared.

"A little," I admitted before biting into the apple. I really would have rather eaten a waffle with eggs and bacon, but my stomach didn't need anything else weighing it down. It had already dropped to the floor. I hated how sick I felt when I got nervous. It was so unnecessary.

"You'll be fine. Forks isn't much bigger student wise than back home. It is spaced out a little weird, though."

I nodded, chewing my breakfast slowly.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna head out early so I can find my classes. I'll see you this afternoon." I tossed the core of my apple in the trash and went back upstairs to grab my book bag. There really was no reason to get to school a whole thirty minutes before the first bell, but it would make me feel a little better. Right as I shut the door of my car, rain started falling in big, fat drops over the windshield.Here we go.

I noticed a silver Volvo at the Swan's house as I drove past, most likely belonging to that Cullen guy Cara had mentioned. I really hated driving in the rain, though there was no escaping it here. Thankfully, not many cars were on the road yet, and the school was only a couple of miles north. I could drive slow and still get there in plenty of time.

The student lot sat in the back of campus, mostly empty this early in the morning. The rain calmed to a drizzle by the time my car rolled to a stop in one of the spaces nearest to the office. I shrugged on my new rain jacket and checked that all of my notebooks and pens were in my bag. Then I double and triple checked, just to be sure. After that, I had no reason to stay in the safety of my car any longer.

One, two, three, go. Don't think about what you're doing. Justdoit.

My hand was on the door handle and my feet on the wet gravel before I realized what I was doing. Just one step at a time. Whether it was an hour or just a minute until I reached the front office, I couldn't be sure. The cold had seeped in through my clothes and chilled my skin before I had made it halfway there. My hand automatically reached up to push my hair back as I made it to the double glass doors. It was already starting to frizz despite the hairspray. Warm air from inside washed over my face as I pulled the door open and stepped over the threshold. A middle aged secretary with horn-rimmed glasses looked up as I approached the counter.

"How can I help you?" she smiled gentle and my nervous immediately eased, but only slightly.

"Um...I'm a new student. Collins Walker. Just need to pick up my schedule."

"Oh! You're the new student from Alabama, aren't you? Let me see..." She clicked away at her computer and started typing. I glanced around the office in an attempt to distract my racing mind. The nameplate on the desk readMs. Hartfield.Beside that, a Snoopy mug filled with pens, some of which I recognized as my favorites. Several pictures behind Ms. Hartfield's desk showcased a much younger version of the woman in front of me, along with whom I assumed to be her husband and kids. The sound of a whizzing printer drew my attention back to the whole reason I was here in the first place.

"Here's your schedule and a map to help you find your classes. If you have any trouble, one of the other students should be more than happy to help you, or you can come back here. There's usually an office aid with nothing better to do," she handed me the two pieces of paper, along with a school handbook. "Oh! I almost forgot."

I watched her rummage in a filing cabinet before producing another paper.

"Make sure to have each of your teachers sign this, and bring it back to me at the end of the day. Got all that?"

"Yes ma'am, I'll be sure to do that. Thank you," I gave her an appreciative smile and started back out the way I came.

"You're welcome. Your accent is just the cutest thing!"

A. P. Calculus

Government

P.E.

Lunch

Art

A.P. Anatomy/Physiology

A.P. English Lit.

Good Lord, what was I thinking, signing up for 3 AP classes? My old school didn't have the funding for AP courses, and now here I was, takingthree.

"It'll help you get ahead," I remembered Momma saying as we picked my classes over the break. Yeah, but I actually had topassfor them to do me any good! And who puts Calculus at the beginning of the day? I'd definitely need to start drinking coffee on the regular.

Luckily, I was able to find the first room easily. Mr. Savrda, as he had introduced himself, signed my little slip of paper before letting me choose a desk. Really, any desk, considering no one else had arrived yet. Front of the room made you an easy target for questions, middle of the room put you in the thick of things, and the back said 'antisocial.' I took a desk in the second to last row, hoping that'd be a good spot. There was about fifteen minutes left until students usually arrived, so I went ahead and pulled out my math notebook, a good pen, and a few highlighters. I doodled outside the margins until some students started to trickle in. They all seemed to know each other, chatting as they took their desks around the room. A few of them looked at me for a couple seconds, a question in their eyes before turning back to their conversations. Apparently new students were easily noticeable. I snuck glances at each person that walked in: a girl with beautiful curly brown hair, some guys wearing football jerseys, a girl with rectangular framed glasses.Please let at least one of these people like me, I thought as the room started to fill.

Right before the tardy bell rang, one more guy slipped smoothly through and took the desk nearest the door. He was exceptionally handsome and exceptionally pale. I'd gotten away with peeking at my other classmates, but this one almost immediately met my eyes.

Oop, look away, look away.

I felt my cheeks flush as I tried to nonchalantly direct my attention to the front of the room, where Mr. Savrda had stood up and began approaching the dry erase board. Hopefully it didn't look like I had been staring becauseI wasn't

"Alright, settle down, settle down," Mr. Savrda addressed the chattering class and glanced directly at me. "Before we get started, I want to introduce a new student that transferred over the break from Alabama. If you'll look to the second to last row, you'll see Miss Collins Walker."

All the heads in the room turned towards me, as if they were in perfect sync. My already blushing cheeks were now on fire. I gave a wave and a small smile. Some smiled back, some seemed totally disinterested.

"Most of you guys have been in school together since kindergarten, so let's make sure to give Collins a warm welcome, okay?'

Almost everyone had stopped looking at me, though I still felt the weight of their stares. Before Mr. Savrda could begin writing on the board, the guy I had noticed earlier stood and whispered something to him. Mr. Savrda sighed and said something along the lines of 'this early?' and scribbled out something on a sticky note. The guy took the note and hurriedly exited the room. Weird. I didn't have much time to think about it as Mr. Savrda handed me a used textbook and started a lecture on integrals. Math wasn't necessarily my best subject; I definitely wouldn't want to teach it. But I had never been particularly bad at it either, as long as I took thorough notes and worked the problems enough, though it didn't come naturally like science or literature or even art.

He sure wasn't going to waste time on the first day either. Back in Andalusia, I had taken regular Calculus in a semester. Surely AP Calculus wouldn't be too different or difficult? I didn't want to find out. My hand flew across the page, making sure to jot down every word and example worked on the board. I vaguely remembered integrals from before Christmas break, but all of that information had kind of been forgotten while I stuffed myself full of mashed potatoes, buttery dinner rolls, ham, and enough dessert to last the rest of my life.

By the time the bell rang an hour later, I'd forgotten all about the weird kid from earlier, or the fact that he hadn't returned to class. My mind swirled with numbers and operations while still trying to figure out where my next class was. Ugh, Government. Don't get me wrong, I liked history classes well enough. But in my experience, they could be mind-numbingly boring.

Building 5, building 5, which one is that again?

I looked down at the map in my hands and tried to orient where exactly I was and where I needed to go. Why in the world weren't these buildings set up in order? It was like someone had drawn numbers out of a hat and randomly assigned them to the buildings. I thought building 5 was right beside the one I currently stood in, so I headed left down the hall and hoped I was right. Through the double glass doors, I saw a large blue number five against the red brick. Relief made it much easier to breathe, now that I could make it to class without being tardy.

Most of the desks were taken, so after another awkward introduction and collecting another worn out history text (both courtesy of a Miss Campbell), I snagged a seat in the back right corner by the window. At least she seemed to only want to review before diving into new material today. Mr. Savrda should take a leaf out of her book. After completing an intake quiz, we were free to chat and catch up with friends. I looked out of the window at the ever present grey clouds. It had stopped raining, but I was convinced the clouds never really went away. They were just taking a slight intermission.

A soft tap on my arm pulled my gaze back into the room and towards the girl sitting in front of me. She wore a pair of purple tortoise shell glasses, along with a timid smile.

"Hi, I'm Angela. It's Collins, right?"

"Yup, that's me," I returned the smile ten fold. I couldn't help it. Making friends in Forks had been an obstacle I'd foreseen the second we'd started packing the car. To be carrying on a conversation with someone on my first day was a blessing straight from the gloomy sky. "Signed, sealed, and delivered straight from Alabama."

Corny, I know, but at least it made her laughed.

"Awesome! We hardly ever get new students here. The last time was almost a year ago."

Wow, and I thought my school had been small.

"I can't imagine why. The weather here is to die for," I said sarcastically while gesturing towards the window. "No offense," I added in case the locals were defensive about their home. I sure could be about my hometown.

"None taken. Trust me, we don't actually like the weather here. We just tolerate it until our parents ship us out to colleges. It must have been difficult moving out here in the middle of your senior year, hm?"

"You've no idea," I couldn't hide the slight dryness in my voice. Noteasy, but doable.

"I can't imagine. You should sit with my friends and I at lunch. That's where the last new girl ended up too, so I'd say we're relatively welcome to the transplants," we both laughed at that, and I had to contain my smile so I wouldn't look like a total psychopath.

"Really? Thanks, I'm sure your friends are great."

"No problem. Just don't pay attention to the idiot guys that sit with us. Their bark is worse than their bite but...their bark is pretty bad."

The bell drowned out the sound of my awkward squawk of laughter. As we all gathered our books and backpacks, Angela sidled up next to me.

"Where's your next class? I can help you find it if I need to," she offered helpfully.

"I appreciate it, but I have P.E. next. If I can't find the gym, then I probably should just drop out at this point," I joked.

"Oh, yeah that shouldn't be too hard to find. My class is in the opposite direction anyway. Meet me at the cafeteria for lunch and I'll show you to our table!" She called the last sentence before being swept into a current of bustling students. I waved and turned around to fight the upstream battle.

Thanks to the fact that I hadn't any clothes to change into, Coach Garner let me sit out on the bleachers as the other girls dressed out and started up a rousing game of volleyball. I actually felt a little envious as the ball sailed over the net between the ragtag teams. I had played volleyball the last two years at my old school. We kind of sucked, but it was still a lot of fun. Now that the season was over, I itched to be on the court, setting the ball up for a hard spike. I would definitely remember my gym clothes tomorrow.

When the bell rang for lunch, I was the first person out of the gym and into the closest building. The cafeteria, much like the gym, should be easy enough to find. All I had to do was follow everyone else.

I must have beat Angela there, because she wasn't waiting for me by the doors to the lunchroom. I tried to casually prop myself against the wall as the rest of the students milled past, but casual wasn't my most refined trait. Quite a few people eyed me as they went in, though none said anything. I guess Angela was right, they really didn't get new students often. Finally, I noticed a girl with purple glasses coming toward me among the throng of hungry teenagers.

"Hey, there you are! Sorry it took me so long. Mr. Vesta likes to stretch his class as long as he possibly can," Angela rolled her eyes as we both entered the room. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to ignore the people who suddenly found us more interesting than the pizza on their trays. I didn't particularly want salad, but was too chicken to leave Angela's side to go through the other line for a hot lunch.

"I'm sooo glad they revamped the salad bar. Last year's was justpitiful."I watched her face scrunch up in disgust.

"Oh, my old school didn't evenhavea salad bar."

"No way. Seriously?" she asked, her mouth just slightly hanging open. "What about vegetarian or vegan students?"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure they had almond butter and honey sandwiches," I thought back to when Bethany had decided to try veganism. It didn't last past the end of the day, when she snagged a chicken finger basket from Dairy Queen on our way home.

"Well, I guess that's one good thing about school here then."

I followed Angela to a table that was nearly full; only one empty seat remained. Surprisingly, I knew one of the girls sitting almost directly across from me.

"You sit. I'll grab another chair."

I turned to protest, but she had already walked to another table to ask about borrowing a chair. Six other people were now starring at me as I sat down. The lunchroom suddenly felt much warmer under the weight of their stares. I didn't know what to say, but luckily, I didn't have to. The girl to my right scooched herself closer and immediately fired off a few questions.

"So where are you from? How long have you been in town? Why'd you move out here?"

I scarcely had time to open my mouth and process what she was saying before Angela returned and ran interference.

"Cool it with the 20 questions, Jess. She literally just sat down."

The girl, I suppose her name was Jess or something similar, just rolled her eyes and eased back a bit, but still stayed close enough like she might miss something. I'd never met someone who seemed so interested in what I had to say.

"Everybody, this is Collins. Collins, this is everybody. That's Jessica," she motioned to the girl beside me, "then Mike," a guy with a round boyish face and blonde hair, "this is Eric, my boyfriend," he waved enthusiastically from the other side of Angela, and I waved back. "And then that's Bella Swan and Edward and Alice Cullen."

Cullen. So this is the guy Cara had mentioned. Not what I expected at all. Since when do the hot guys get the "weird" label?

"It's nice to meet ya'll. And it's nice to see you again, Bella," I addressed her, though the last time we'd been face to face, it hadn't been much of an interaction.

"Nice to see you, too," she replied kindly. I let my eyes roam over each person and tried to commit their names to memory.Mike, Jessica, Eric.

There was absolutely no way that I could forget the other three. Bella because it was the second time seeing her. But the Cullens because I didn't think I had ever seen anyone quite like them. Their skin was pale, so pale that I almost thought their was something wrong with them; anemic, maybe. Despite that, they were unusually attractive. Not in a trendy way, but more like models. Their faces were perfectly symmetrical, each feature straight and precise. No crooked noses or teeth. It was like God had carved their faces himself. I tried not to look at them too long, certain that I wasn't the only person who had noticed how beautiful they were.

"Oh good, you've already met Bella. Is Jasper out today?" Angela asked Alice, a look of genuine concern crossing her face.

"Oh, he left during first period; I think he had a migraine. You know how he has trouble with those," she chirped. Even her voice sounded pretty. Suddenly I wished I'd put a lot more effort into my appearance this morning, though I thought I already did. I vaguely wondered if Jasper was the guy in my Calculus class that had left before the lesson even started. "So Collins, tell us about yourself. Where are you from?"

I felt even more flustered than before, having a freaking goddess address a peasant like myself. Edward laughed, I'm guessing from something Bella had mumbled to him because I hadn't heard anything particularly funny.

"I just moved here from Alabama a few days ago. My dad got a promotion in France, so he and my momma went out there, and now I live with my sister."

"Oh, I love your accent! It's so country sounding," Jessica gushed from my right. And so it begins. I slowly chewed a piece of carrot and grinned, feeling my face heat up at her comment. There was no hiding my accent even if I tried. Eighteen years of southern living can sure do that to a person.

"How've you been liking Forks? Have you seen all the sights, like the diner and traffic light beside it?" Mike elbowed Bella lightly at his joke.

"Uh, for the most part yeah. My sister gave me the grand tour on Friday."

And so, that's how the rest of lunch went; everyone taking turns asking me questions and then discussing my answers like I was a guest lecturer or something. I wasn't used to being the center of attention at the lunch table, but it felt nice to have people listen to what I had to say, even if it was mundane. Edward and Bella both kept to themselves for the most part, but Alice talked ninety to nothing about everything under the sun, from sports to fashion.

"Which class do you have next?" Mike asked as the bell rang to signal the end of lunch. I noticed Jessica slowing down as we walked towards the set of doors connecting to the hall.

"Um, I think I have art," I said while shuffling around in my bag for my schedule. Yup, art.

"Oh cool. I can show you right where-"

"I'll walk you!" An arm as solid as stone looped around my own and began lightly tugging me in the direction of what I presumed to be art. If I hadn't heard the distinct bell-like voice of Alice Cullen, I could've sworn that it was a guy, what with the force that she could exert. Mike's face fell into disappointment, but there was nothing I could do. Alice would not be swayed.

"I actually have that next too, so it works out perfectly."

I'm not sure if I'd ever met someone so jubilant. I couldn't get a read on her without touching the skin of her hand, and there wasn't exactly an inconspicuous way to do that at the moment. Though what was the point? I'd probably find nothing but pure happiness.

On the way to art, Alice talked animatedly about her brother, Jasper. Adopted brother, might I add, and how she couldn't wait for us to meet because she thought we would have a lot in common. I wasn't sure what exactly we would have in common, but she insisted we'd get along well. I wouldn't be convinced until I actually had a chance to meet him, when and if that happened.

Art was one of my favorite subjects, mostly since it didn't require any studying. Well, for the most part. Art History in ninth grade had been a little less exciting, but now that I had made it to Drawing II, there wouldn't be much to do but, well, draw. I wasn't necessarily great at it, though I'd definitely improved since last year. Compared to Alice, I might as well have thrown my pencils away. She insisted on sharing a table, which I didn't mind too much. That is, until, I saw how good she was. It was a little discouraging to see how effortless her hand drifted across the textured paper, adding a little shading her or erasing there for highlights. I reminded myself that just because she was great didn't mean my picture was worthless. But that only worked up to a certain level of talent. I wasn't there yet.

After art, I had anatomy and English literature, two of my better subject. It seemed like I had waited forever to take pick back up in anatomy; I was sick of chemistry and physics. Mercifully, both of my teachers didn't make me introduce myself and decided to take things easy on the first day back. In anatomy, we went over lab safety procedures, and for literature, we discussed some of the works we would be studying this semester.

By the time I got home that afternoon, all I wanted to do was climb into my bed and nap. So I did.

Chapter 5: one day at a time

Chapter Text

After the first, everything got easier a little bit each day. I was able to figure out the most efficient route from one class to the next while still having a chance to stop by my locker to switch out materials. English and Art were my favorite subjects thus far. I had always been better at dissecting a poem or short story than finding x or deciding which formula to solve a problem with.

Angela made my US Government class bearable by chatting on the way and being my partner for the group work we had so far. I remembered my change of clothes and started playing volleyball daily with the girls in PE. Lunch, which could have gone sideways from the start, was much better than I could have asked. Thanks to Bella and Angela, I had a whole group of people to sit and talk with, rather than eating alone by a trashcan. The ever elusive Jasper didn't return until Friday. I wondered how miserable it must be to have a migraine for that long.

As I slid into my chair at the lunch table that day, Alice came prancing up to me with her brother in tow. For as happy as she looked, he was the opposite. Thinly veiled behind a mask of indifference was a frustrated, if not pained, expression. Perhaps that migraine wasn't completely gone. As the two drew nearer, I became even more aware of the fact that the only other people who had arrived at our usual table were Edward and Bella.

"Hi, Collins!" Alice nearly sings as she stops beside my chair. "I want you to meet Jasper. Jasper, this is the new student I was telling you about. I think you two share Calculus, right?"

I nod and extend my hand for him to shake. I'm not sure how often high school students shake each others' hands, but her formal introduction seemed to almost call for it. Or maybe it's the Southern Baptist in me. Either way, I had mentally prepared myself for whatever emotional insight I'd get through the touch of our hands; however, nothing could have prepared me for what I received.

First of all, his hands were freezing. I thought my hands and feet were always cold, but in comparison, mine might as well have been on fire. And that wasn't even what caught me by the most surprise. What had, was the emotional feedback loop that made my head spin. I couldn't discern whose feelings belonged to whom and for a second, I forgot where I was and what I was doing. Just in time, I fixed my face, which must have looked as confused and surprised as Jasper's. The entire event couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds, even if it felt like much longer.

"Nice to meet you; you're hands are freezing by the way," I tried to joke and cover the uncomfortable silence that had begun.

"Oh, poor peripheral circulation. Tied to the migraines," supplies Alice before Jasper can answer. Both take the seats to my left. For Alice to have been talking up how swell her brother and I would get along, she makes a special effort to sit between us. The rest of our group has just arrived, and it's like the ice around us thawed. Jessica is complaining about her personal finance class while Angela and Eric are discussing prom decorations for a Vegas theme.

"I'm just saying, go-go dancers would really add to the experience," Eric holds up his hands in defense. Angela looks half exasperated, half amused.

"Yeah, that experience would be teachers having a heart attack and lots of girls breaking up with their boyfriends. Can we move onto something else? Oh, hi Jasper. Are you feeling any better from your migraine?"

"Fair to middlin'," Jasper shrugged, dipping a carrot stick in ranch. Jessica stopped for just a moment in her tirade about how she really hated math to pin him with a look. I'd gotten the same look on Tuesday for saying my parents were 'happier than pigs in slop' concerning their move. No one knew what I'd meant.

"Fair to middling means about average," I explained. "It's a southern thing."

A few seconds pause, then Mike and Eric both roared in laughter.

"Hell, we finally got a translator!"

☽●☾

I guess I've got to explain the emotional feedback loop, or, er...what caused it.

I'm not sure exactly when I realized something was wrong with me. I remember bursting into tears a lot in early elementary school when holding the hand of an already crying friend. Or knowing that someone was upset with me when our fingers had only brushed and no ill words were exchanged. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed with grief and loss when holding hands in a prayer circle. Eventually, I started to figure out that I felt emotions differently than other people, but it was only when my skin came into contact with someone else's.

At about ten years old, I experimented with my idea. Bethany and I were squabbling about something stupid. A boy, most likely. I was so angry, so so angry that I was sure my momma would know just by me kissing her on the cheek when I got home after school. But that greeting came and went. She was none the wiser until I told her later that night.

Then there was Cara getting accepted into her dream school. I couldn't read minds, that much had been discovered already. But, when you know someone is waiting on news that could be really good or really bad, you can deduce which it was based on their body language. I had a bit of an edge, when poking her in the ear gave me a walloping sense of accomplishment and pride. I ended up telling my parents about Cara's letter of acceptance before she could herself. I think that's why we don't get along.

Essentially, I'd come to the conclusion that skin on skin contact with anyone gave me a glimpse into their emotions. Sometimes it was a blessing, like when I wanted to know what mood my parents were in before asking permission to spend that night over at someone's house. Other times it was a curse, like when the grieving widow brushes their shoulder up against mine, and suddenly I can hardly breathe due to the crushing sorrow gripping my chest.

Whatever happened with Jasper, I'd never felt before. Some people were a little easier to read than others. I'd already checked out Angela, who was calm, collected, and organized with what she felt. Bella, who I hadn't meant to touch, was completely void of anything. I'm sure she had emotions, I just couldn't feel them for her.
But Jasper was the opposite. It was like a million different feelings were coursing through my body and constantly changing. I couldn't nail down a particular one to ascribe to him.

As odd as it may seem, I almost thought he knew how I was feeling. Or at least knew something. There had been a sort of recognition in his eyes, like we were sharing the experience. Though that was preposterous. I had probably just looked silly with my mouth hanging open. If anything, the problem was that Jasper had a lot going on in his life and all of that was unknowingly unloaded onto me.

☽●☾

"So what do you think about Jasper?"

Alice was late to Art, but Mr. Salinski just waved her on. I kept my eyes focused on the branches of a tree I'd started sketching out.

"He seems fine. Where's he from again? 'Fair to middling' doesn't exactly scream PNW." I used my middle finger to blend the shadows on the side of the tree trunk.

"Texas. Before he was adopted, that is."

Ah right. Jessica and Angela had filled me in on the Cullen-Hale clan during free period on Wednesday. Apparently, the five siblings were all related through Dr. Cullen's adoption, except Jasper and his sister Rosalie who had graduated last year. There was another brother that had also graduated, though I couldn't remember his name at that moment.

"Can I just ask why you're insistent on us being good friends? I just didn't get that vibe earlier," I try to not sound so opposed to the idea, but I doubt it'll happen based on the lack of connection today.

"I just have a feeling. Call it a...premonition."

I didn't miss the smirk she wore, showing her perfectly white, straight teeth. They were the kind that probably had never needed braces. I thought back again to lunch, and how everyone had laughed at mine and Jasper's southern phrase. I had expected him to find it at least slightly amusing, like I had. But when I tried to catch his eye, he deliberately avoided it. Rather, it sure seemed like it. I guess it could have all been in my head, though ability or not, you can tell when someone isn't happy with you.
So I gave it a chance. The next week, all week, I made a concerted effort to engage with Jasper at lunch, since we were nowhere near each other in Calculus. I'd ask him questions, try and make comments that he could relate to, just tried to be nice, and it blew up in my face. Well, not violently. But I sure felt foolish trying to hold a conversation with someone that actively ignored me, only giving the occasional small answer or nod of their head to not seem entirely rude and pompous. I didn't want to dash Alice's hopes of us being "such great friends" or to spoil the friendship I had started with her, so I decided not to bring Jasper's....indifference to my existence up again. I was a big girl, and I could handle someone not liking me. Even if I hadn't given them a reason.

I resolved instead to start looking for a job to help Cara keep the house running. By herself, working with the hospital's psych ward was plenty, but supporting another person would put a strain on her finances. My savings were slim as it was.

"I could waitress," I suggested to Cara one night over spaghetti and meatballs. "Or babysit."

She didn't seem to like either of those two ideas. I didn't either, but in a small town like Forks, I wasn't spoiled for choice. I said as much, too.

"Well, there is an opening at the hospital for a receptionist. You could work there after school and a few weekends."

I wondered why she hadn't mentioned the opening sooner, but didn't ask, for fear that I already knew the answer.

"I'll swing by tomorrow then and apply. Put in a good word for me?"

"Hmm," was her only reply.

☽●☾

To say I had bombed my first Calculus quiz would have been all too accurate. I stared down at the paper on my desk, wondering how I had managed to make such an ugly grade.

A D? I never make Ds!
I let out a low groan and propped my head up on my hand. I couldn't remember a time when I had made anything less than a high C on a quiz or a test. Cara would have teased me endlessly and my parents would have given me the old "we know you're capable of more" speech. Perhaps I wasn't cut out for so many AP classes in one semester, especially the spring semester, when all seniors come down with a horrible case of senioritis.

I know I can pass this class with at least a B; I've just got to try harder, of course.

I immediately slid the quiz into my bag and grabbed a pencil and my math notebook to take down every letter and number included in today's lesson. As I looked up to the board, I saw Jasper watching me for just a second before turning back to the front of the room. As he put away his quiz, I spotted the huge 100 written at the top in red ink.

Ugh, just another reason for him to act condescending.

☽●☾

By the time the last bell rang, I practically sprinted to my car. I'd learned that Jasper was also in my English class, something that I'd not realized with him being out for an entire week. It was just another block of my day I'd focus on ignoring him, which I'd gotten pretty good at since he was doing a great job of ignoring me.

The hospital was much smaller than the one back home. Or, should I say, the one back in Andalusia, since Forks was supposed to be my home now. I jogged up the front steps and walked through the automatic doors to the reception desk where a lady about the same age as my grandmother sat, looking down through her glasses at a computer screen. I suddenly felt nervous about talking to this woman whose mouth puckered into a tight line as she noticed me approach. The sharp scent of disinfectant and hospital air wasn't helping either. I tried to steel my mind and body to a calmer, more stable version of myself.

"Can I help you?" The woman's voice was just as sharp as her light grey eyes. I'd figured out that everyone on this end of the country talked faster and more to the point than what I was used to. She, however, was even worse.

"Um, yes," I said, trying my best to not sound like fried cornbread, "I'd like to inquire about the receptionist position that's available?"

Her eyebrow quirked up and her mouth drew into a tighter grimace, if that was even possible.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about. There aren't any openings at the moment, unless of course you've gotten your medical degree at the age of...?" She trailed off, waiting for me to supply her with the rest.

"Eighteen," I answered firmly, feeling a little embarrassed and a little irked.

"Yes, eighteen. So, unfortunately, there's nothing I can do for-"

"Collins!"

The doors to my left swung open to reveal the hottest doctor I'd ever seen. I knew he had to be Dr. Cullen based on Cara's description of him. He couldn't have been older than twenty-five, and that was generous already. His skin looked flawless and pale. Maybe the secret to his youthful appearance was limited sun exposure. His features, like that of Jasper, Alice, and Edward were perfectly proportioned. His hair, a beautiful honey blonde, was styled fashionably out of his face. He knew my name, though I was one hundred percent positive that I had never met this man in my entire life because I certainly would have remembered.

"Excuse me, I didn't mean to startle you. You must be Collins Walker, Cara's sister?"

I could barely nod as he gently placed an arm around my shoulders and led me into a nearby office. I had to remind myself to breathe, his dazzling face was such a distraction. And even then, he smelled amazing, too!

"Your sister has told me a lot about you. I also hear that you're looking for a job? Here, have a seat and we can get started with an interview. How's that sound?"

Dr. Cullen guided me to a plush armchair while he took the chair on the other side of what looked like a solid wood, ornately carved desk. My throat and mouth were so dry, I had to repeat myself to make any intelligible noise.

"Yes, that sounds fine," I croaked.

"Good, good. I understand that you're a senior this year. How are your computer skills? Any experience with database software? Microsoft at all?"

I had...some experience with Microsoft, but none with any database software. What kind of job was Cara thinking I needed? I told him as much, feeling that I might as well walk back out of the door.

"Not a problem, I'm sure you're a fast learner. What about fax machines? Ever used one of those?"

"Yes, sir. I mean, doctor. I spent some time at my old school as an office aide. I mostly ran copies, faxed documents, and added papers to student files," I felt a little more confident now that I was able to list some of my skills.

"Lovely," he smiled brightly, the corners of his eyes crinkling the slightest bit. My brain felt hazy in the most delicious way, like the remnants of anesthesia. "I trust that you have no issues with abiding by our patient confidentiality policy? We'd hate to have a HIPAA violation on our hands."

After a few seconds of silence, he lifted his eyebrows and said, carefully, "Miss Walker?"

"Oh! Yes, yes of course. I wouldn't dream of sharing a patient's information," I finally said, trying to fight my way out of the endless brain-fog, though not really wanting to.

"Excellent. Well, I believe that's all I need from you. If you'll just bring in your driver's license and social security card on Monday, we can get you started on some training. Does that day work for you?"

"Yes it works for me," I agreed, then paused for a second. "So, you're hiring me on the spot, just like that?" I couldn't believe my good fortune. Maybe Cara HAD put in a good word for me. The best word. A million amazing words.

"If you're still interested, we'd love to have you here at Forks Community Hospital. Our records are in terrible need of a tech savvy young adult to transfer them onto a computer. Would you like to be that person?"

I tried to take a deep breath of air that wasn't perfumed by his scent, to clear my head and think in a logical manner. But every inhale just made me more delirious and compliant. I did want a job, didn't I?

"Of course. Can I ask what the pay is?"

"Sure, we'll start you at fifteen an hour, with a performance review after thirty days. It's of the utmost importance that these records are handled with great care, so I have no issues with compensating you for a job well done. Any other questions?"

"No, no I think that's everything I can think of right now."

"Alright, would you like me to walk you out to your car? I don't mind at all."

"No! I mean, no thank you." I stood to walk out as fast as I could without being impolite, before turning back to his warm smile. "Oh, and thank you again for the job. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, we're happy to have you."

On my way out, the lady at the desk gave me a confused glare as she watched me exit. Outside, I gasped in the cold air until my lungs were flushed of Dr. Cullen's scent, and that of the hospital all together. My mind instantly regained the ability to focus on individual thoughts. I stood beside my car for a solid five minutes before trusting myself to drive home safely. I'd never been so dumbstruck before in my entire life. Not when dad had gotten his promotion, not when Harrison Phillips, one of the most attractive guys at my old school had asked me out, not when we had won our first volleyball game of the season. I was fortunate that Forks was such a small town, because any farther of a drive would have required too much mental effort. Cara wasn't home yet, and the note on the table said that she likely would be late coming in. Once I felt well enough to eat dinner, I munched on a pack of crackers and tried to forget the feeling of looking into Dr. Cullen's eyes. Oddly enough, it had started to fade like a distant dream. By the time I crawled into bed that night, I'd mostly forgotten about the encounter and was just excited to have a job so quickly.
Cara had congratulated me, but seemed puzzled when I mentioned that she must have pulled a lot of strings to get me the job.

"I actually didn't say anything. To anyone. Felt like it wouldn't have been fair. Either way, someone was looking out for you."

As I crawled into bed, exhausted from the entire week, I wondered whether getting a job on the spot was such a good thing after all.

Chapter 6: what an ass

Chapter Text

Cara was racking up over time hours at the hospital like there was no tomorrow. She’d always been a hard worker, but I couldn’t help wondering if she would rather be there than stuck at the house with me. When Daddy was put up for his promotion, the possibility of my parents pawning me off onto her was tossed around, but I don’t think either of us really imagined it would happen. When the time came, she donned her best Older Daughter Martyr (™) voice and promised it wouldn’t be a problem.

Oh you two are moving to Europe? And I have to completely rearrange my life to accommodate this move because that’s what is expected of me? Sure, I don’t mind at all.

I knew she wasn’t happy about it, that much was obvious from her tone of voice and body language whenever it was brought up.. Cara had always been a private person; now I was butting in on her privacy by moving in. She was an incredibly easy read, too. Perhaps it was the fact that she was my sister, or that she had the habit of being blunt. I never had a problem pinpointing her emotions at any given time.

That was why, come Monday morning, I could hardly stay standing when our hands collided as we both loaded the dishwasher after breakfast. I wasn’t moving fast enough, a problem Cara had always had with me. I was in the way and her impatience had been particularly acute for the beginning of the week. She slid past me in the tiny space between my body and the counter, meaning to place her cup on the top rack. The touch was small, hardly anything. But the effect it had on me was substantial.

Resentment. Annoyance. Spite.

If Momma could read Cara’s mind, I’m sure she’d tell her to, “quit being ugly,” a phrase that we’d heard often growing up. All I could do was grip the edge of the sink until the feelings began to fade.

“Would you move?”

And I did. I turned on my heel, grabbed my bookbag, and swiftly walked out of the house in a huff. I imagined Cara staring at my back the entire time and wondering what had set me off. It’s complicated, not being able to tell people that you did, in fact, know exactly how they felt because you were feeling it too. I hoped that by the time we saw each other next, we both would have forgotten it completely. I hated confrontation with my family, especially my sister.

The school’s senior parking lot was half full when I arrived. I waved hello to Angela on the way to my locker, as she and Eric got as much of their PDA in without attracting teachers. There was only five minutes left for me to get to class, and my lock wasn’t working properly. By the time it sprang free, I grabbed my books, and reset the lock, I had to sprint to Mr. Savrda’s room. The bell rang just as my butt hit the seat. A few minutes into our lesson, my mind was more consumed with irritation at Cara than math. I knew as well as anyone that just because you felt a certain way didn’t mean it was directed at the person you were with at the moment. I couldn’t know for sure that her ill feelings were all directed at me, but I wasn’t so naive to think they were completely unrelated either. I could very well be making a mountain out of a molehill and projecting my own feelings. Or I could just be a brat, like she often told me when we were younger. It was one of those things we argued about a lot.

My head was too preoccupied to focus on the lesson. Words like polar coordinates and cycloids appeared on my paper, but I had no idea what they meant or what to do with them.

Just try to look busy, hope that he doesn’t call on you, and you can go back and study later.

I tried not to think about earlier this morning; I couldn’t afford to be unfocused during math after the last quiz grade I’d gotten. Maybe I could organize something fun for us to do together this weekend. Maybe I could switch out of AP Calculus. Maybe I could hop a plane to Paris and force Momma and Daddy to let me stay there. Maybe I could hitchhike back to Alabama.

My eyes drifted from the whiteboard, now covered in things like (t), y, and everyone’s favorite, x. There was a circle on a coordinate plane, but hell if I knew what it was for. No, my eyes had wandered to the left of the room, near the middle of the column of desks closest to the door. I’d totally zoned out, not thinking about anything in particular. When my mind came to, I realized Jasper Hale was staring back at me.

Instantly, as if I’d been electrocuted, I swiveled my eyes back to the board and tried to look like that didn’t just happen. My face burned, something I’d gotten used to in the past month. I tried to act like I was copying notes down and like I couldn’t feel Jasper’s eyes still glancing at me but there’s no way I pulled it off. All of my tan from last summer had faded, just like my hair had grown out from blonde to light brown. My blush was on full display.

I didn’t understand it much, but something about Jasper lately had started making alarm bells sound in my head. Really, all of the Cullens + Hale that I’d met so far had a way of slightly unnerving me. My one theory was that they were too beautiful. In nature, beautiful things were used to trap prey. But thinking that, let alone saying it out loud, was ridiculous.

Sure, Edward could be distant and quiet, preferring to talk to Bella rather than anyone else. However, his manners were impeccable and she seemed to really adore him.

And Alice was an absolute doll. She, like Angela, had been so genuinely kind to me since day one.

Then there was Dr. Cullen, who had given me a job that I probably wasn’t the most qualified for.

And Jasper….well, my momma always said, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” At this point, his one redeeming quality was his looks.

I had no reason to be apprehensive of the Cullen family. Still, no matter how much I had mentally repeated that, there was this fluttering sensation in my stomach whenever I spent too much time around them. It wasn’t unlike being at the top of a rollercoaster, right before the big drop. I wondered if anyone else shared the same reservations as I did.

Before the bell in government, I tried to pick Angela’s brain without her being privy to the uncertain feelings I had been experiencing. Her slight hesitation was equally as important to what followed.

“They’re….interesting. They seem to always have everything going for them. Super rich, super hot, and super smart. They miss a lot of school for family vacations, but their grades are so good, the school looks the other way for attendance. In fact, the only reason Jessica had a chance at valedictorian is because she’s been taking online college classes in place of her normal ones since they came two years ago.

She paused awkwardly, and I knew there was something else she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure she should. Eventually she continued.

“Okay, you cannot bring this up around Bella. She’s just now getting back to normal, and I don’t know what we’ll do if she crashes like she did last semester. Promise?”

I extended my pinky finger, hoping that she would go with it.

“Pinky swear.”

Luckily for me, Angela rolled her eyes and grinned before linking her finger with mine.

Worry. Amusem*nt.

And then, buried under about a thousand other feelings, was a hint of the same emotion I had been pondering. It was slight, like the shadow or ghost of its former self. Maybe one she had grown accustomed to or pushed aside often enough that she didn’t even realize it anymore.

“So, Bella and Edward started dating last year, not long after she moved here. It was all kind of quick. Then in September, right after her birthday, the Cullens just disappeared. Allegedly, Carlisle had an amazing job offer and the whole family moved. They didn’t sell their house; it was so abrupt, like they’d been abducted by aliens. But Bella completely spiraled. She barely ate and stopped hanging out with everyone. And when she did hang out, it was like she wasn’t really there. That’s why Jessica’s giving her the cold shoulder, for ignoring her for a solid four months. Then, next thing we know, Bella has hopped a plane to Italy, no seriously, she took off. Didn’t tell her dad she was leaving either. And when she comes back, so do the Cullens. Her dad grounded her for the rest of eternity. I’m pretty sure my parents would have murdered me.”

“Mine too. That’s crazy,” I whispered as our teacher made their way to the front of the room and began passing out packets. Angela nodded emphatically before turning back around.

Well, that sort of answered my question, despite the fact that the story said more about Bella than the Cullens. Still, it was highly unusual to move around like they had in the last six months. Or, it was to me. I had been in the same state, the same school system my entire school career. Moving to a different state was bad enough; I couldn’t imagine moving countries.

I at least tried to focus during second period. Luckily, government was a lot more straightforward for me than calculus. I made a mental note to not bring last semester up around Bella but to keep it in mind for future reference. I didn’t want to lose one of the two new friends I’d just made within the last month.

During my fifteen minute break after government, I headed to speak with Mr. Savrda about my math quiz and how I was doing in the class. Thoughts about Bella & Co. were temporarily suspended as I walked through the room to my teacher’s desk.

“Mr. Savrda? Do you have a minute?”

The poor man looked exhausted. I guess I would too if I had to teach math to teenagers all day. His salt and pepper hair was thinning at the top and huge bags hung under his eyes. He seemed a little annoyed as he glanced up from his computer.

“Sure, Miss Walker. What can I do for you? I’m assuming this is about your quiz grade,” he sighed.

“Yes sir. I didn’t do so well, and after today’s lesson, I’m worried the next quiz won’t be much better. It’s not that I haven’t been trying; I take thorough notes.”

I held up my calculus notebook and opened it to the section of notes I’d taken that day. His eyes scanned my small handwriting, highlighted sentences, and step by step examples.

“Yes, I can see that. While I appreciate your commitment to organized note taking, I’m afraid it’ll take a little more than that to pass the AP exam,” he sighed while turning back to his computer. “Let me pull up your grades so far.”

Mr. Savrda typed at the keyboard, clicked his mouse a few times, and then winced at the window that appeared on the screen.

“You aren’t failing….yet. But I can see why you’re concerned.”

“Right, I wanted to be more proactive before it was too late,” I explained, twisting my fingers together nervously. I got the distinct impression that he didn’t care very much about my proactivity.

“Let’s talk about your options as of right now: you can switch to business math, which will be a lot easier, since you are taking quite a few AP classes at one time-”

Nope.

“-or, if you’ll give me some time, I can pair you with a student tutor from the class. Someone that I trust to catch you up without them falling behind. Which would you rather do?”

There was no way I could switch out of calc. I couldn’t bear hearing Cara taunt me about it later, especially in front of my parents. I mulled over the idea of a tutor and figured, what the hell? It would be cheaper than having to hire one. I wouldn’t even know where to start.

“A tutor would be great, sir.”

“Alright, I’ll get the ball rolling on that. Let’s see how this week goes, and if you’re still struggling, see me on Friday. Okay?”

“Yes sir, absolutely. Thank you so much,” I turned on my heel and exited the classroom.

With a renewed sense of hope, I floated through PE all the way to lunch. Thoughts of the Cullens were the farthest thing from my mind as I sat down with a salad box and a diet co*ke. However, the conversation I’d had with Angela popped back to the forefront of my brain as I surveyed the already full table. Angela had mentioned that Bella blew everyone off when the Cullens disappeared, and it seemed that Jessica was still sore about it. She mostly spoke to Mike, Eric, and Ben; anything she said to Bella was perfectly civil but tainted with a slight attitude. If she spoke to the Cullens, it was indirect and clipped short, though it didn’t seem they cared much. Mike and Eric were the same way, choosing to keep to their side of the table. I wondered if they didn’t get along or if they had the same queasy feeling I had been getting.

The Cullens however seemed perfectly happy with only talking amongst themselves. Bella was like the glue holding both sides of the table together, which seemed odd, considering she was thoroughly enthralled with Edward at most times. Was she under the Cullen family spell? Completely consumed by how hot they all were? The more I thought about Forks’ Top Hottest, the more I wanted to figure them out.

I got the feeling that someone was staring at me again, only this time, it was Edward. He rarely bothered giving attention to anyone but Bella, so having him look my way felt particularly unsettling. His brow furrowed quizzically, then his frown deepened. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he knew about mine and Angela’s conversation earlier. But that was impossible, right? She wouldn’t have ratted me out, would she? I slowly drifted my gaze to Jessica, trying to act like I had just been zoning out.

“So we’re still on for this Saturday, right? I wanna go early so we don’t end up stuck driving back so late like last time,” Jessica remarked. At the mention of being out late, her eyes not so subtly shifted to Bella and then back to Angela again. She winced slightly before turning to Edward, who thankfully stopped looking at me.

“Yeah, I still wanna go. Collins? Jessica and I are going to Port Angeles to shop for the Valentine’s dance. Do you wanna come, too?”

The Valentine’s Day dance was three weeks from now, and I hadn’t given it much thought at all. If I did go, I figured it’d be as a third, fifth, or even seventh wheel, seeing as I had zero romantic interests in Forks thus far.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks,” I smiled in their direction. Then I felt odd, making plans in front of other people that weren’t included. “Alice? What about you?”

Jessica’s eyes widened, blazing in my direction as if to say, What the hell are you doing?! I should have known that she had no intention of inviting any of the Cullens or Bella for the shopping trip. My insides twisted nervously, as if I had just made a terrible mistake.

“I’d love to! I haven’t been on a girl’s shopping trip since Rosalie moved off for college.”

Jessica very slowly steeled her expression to one that was just slightly below hostile, and Angela smiled kindly, following my lead.

“Sounds like you need a girls’ day. You’re alright with that, aren’t you, Jessica?”

A flurry of emotions run across Jessica’s face, starting with mild shock, disdain, and then some form of embarrassment.

“Yeah. That’ll be…perfect,” she cut her eyes back to her plate and dunked a fry in ketchup, proceeding to chomp on it irritably.

☽●☾

As I was walking to my car with Angela and Ben, the thought that Bella hadn’t been invited this weekend bothered me more and more until I had to mention it.

“It’s fine, she can’t and wouldn’t want to go anyway. Can’t, because Charlie has grounded her from everything but school. Wouldn’t, because it’s not her thing. Bella hates dancing.”

I felt better knowing that we hadn’t excluded her as I headed to the hospital for my first shift at work. Deborah, the receptionist that not-so-sweetly greeted me before, was even less enthused to see me again. After scanning my documents and completing the tax paperwork, she huffed and started in on a run through of my duties.

“This is where you’ll sit,” Deb gestured to a small area at the circular desk, only about a fifth of the total space she had for herself. “Mainly, your job is to transfer patient files from paper to the database in the computer.”

She unlocked the filing cabinet and opened the top drawer, revealing a cramped space full of manila folders, some as thin as a single sheet, others as thick as an inch. I had a sneaking suspicion that all of the drawers would look exactly the same. Deb gives me my own login information for the computer and the software, then shows me how to enter a John Doe dummy patient into the system and edit their information. She doesn’t seem exceptionally tech savvy, causing the process to take longer than I think it should. After that, she points out a few other small things, like the sign in sheet for patients, new patient paperwork folders, and the Xerox machine.

“Anything else you need or need to know, you can figure out when you get to it,” she stated while plopping down in her swivel chair.

“Yes, ma’am. Thanks.”

“Don’t call me ma’am,” she barked. I keep forgetting that not everyone around here likes being addressed that way.

“Right, sorry m– Deborah,” I corrected myself before making the same mistake again. It’s a habit that’s hard to break. My momma and daddy always taught me to say ‘yes ma’am/no ma’am’ and ‘yes sir/no sir.’ Sometimes it took a nudge or a look to remember. But after a while, it became automatic. Back to the drawing board, I guess.

I started in on the never ending files. The first few take a lot longer than they should, and I eventually take back my impatient thoughts that had been aimed at my coworker. My typing is slow and rusty and I had to keep glancing back and forth between papers and the screen until the keys became more familiar. None of the names jumped out to me as familiar, but I figured I’d stumble upon someone I knew before long. My shift begins as soon as I can get to the hospital after school and ends at 5:30. I’ll work one weekend of the month, of my choosing too. If I keep my nose to the grindstone, I can make great progress on these files, though Dreadful Deborah mentioned that I’ll be taking over the sending and requesting of patient records, scheduling, and check ins and outs whenever we’re both on the clock. She needed to focus her time on something else incredibly important, though she didn’t say what, and I didn’t particularly care enough to ask.

Around 5:15, Dr. Cullen makes an appearance with my sister a few steps behind him.

“Good evening, ladies,” he greeted Dismal Deborah and me. The memory of being under a spell around the doctor that puts Patrick Dempsey to shame quickly resurfaced. It’s odd, but the feeling was not nearly as strong as I remembered it being. Instead of brain fog, it's more like a slight mist? Whatever it is, I’m amused to see that Dodo Deborah and Cara are also susceptible to it.

“Good evening, Doctor Cullen,” Deborah answered, a bright twinkle in her usually dull eyes. “Busy day?”

“Not too bad, but I wanted to come check in on our newest employee,” his eyes, everyone’s really, turned to me. “How’s the data entry going? Hopefully not too boring.”

His smile puts the sun to shame.

“No, doctor. Everything’s all good on the home front,” I replied, careful not to call him “sir.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Well, I’ll be seeing you two later; I believe Cara wanted to speak with you.”

He softly waved his hand before retreating to his office. Cara watches him go, but so does Deborah, so that’s not entirely unusual. Then, they remember that they’re still at work, and I’m there too.

“I wanted to see how you felt about pizza tonight? I figured you might be tired after your first shift.”

“Uh, yeah, that’d be good. Pepperoni?” It’s her favorite; I prefer plain cheese.

“Yeah, I’ll call it in if you’ll pick it up when you leave.”

I nodded, and Cara headed back to her own office in the section of the hospital she normally frequents. I realized that it’s already time for me to leave and started to close down the computer before locking the filing cabinet up, all secure like. I picked up my bag from under the desk and said bye to Deborah, though there’s no answer.

The pizza was hot and ready when I picked it up, and the guy at the counter looked familiar. Tyler, I think his name is. If I remember correctly, he’s friends with Mike and Ben, but the blank look on his face when he handed me back my change made it clear that he didn’t know me at all.

Cara’s good mood lasts all night. At dinner, I pick the pepperoni off of my pizza and place it onto her plate. She smiles and pops them into her mouth. I’ve always given her my pepperoni.

It was a relief to know that the weird interaction between us this morning had blown over. Maybe one day, we’ll talk out our feelings, the way she does with her patients.

☽●☾

By Friday, I’ve managed to keep my head above water in calculus, but only just. If I want to pass the AP exam, I’d need a little help along the way, so head to Mr. Savrda’s room after lunch.. Honestly, I felt relieved to have some extra help, but it was quickly cut short when I poked my head in his door. He was sitting at his desk with someone standing on the other side. The other person lifted their head and pinned me with a harsh glare.

Jasper.

I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared. You had got to be kidding me! Maybe if I had turned around right then, Mr. Savrda wouldn’t have seen me; I could’ve come back later and explained exactly why Jasper and I weren’t a good fit. But just as I took a retreating step, Mr. Savrda glanced up and waved me forward. I noticed that the two pieces of paper on his desk were copies of our schedules. The words “Free Period” were highlighted in blue ink.

“Mr. Hale, Ms Walker, I believe you two have already met.”

Jasper’s eyes flickered in my direction before returning to the wall behind Mr. Savrda’s head. The muscle in his jaw (masseter, if my anatomy class has taught me anything) tensed up. Who had a right to be so angry but have such a nice jawline?

“Mr. Hale, I’m sure you’re aware of how many days you’ve been absent from my class this year?”

That same muscle twitched as Jasper mulled over his question. “23.”

I wondered what this had to do with my sucky math skills.

“Correct. Those absences have all been excused one way or another through the office, and you’ve managed to maintain your spot at the top of my class. However, due to the amount of time you’ve missed, it’s up to my discretion as to retain you in math, requiring the completion of a credit this summer to officially graduate.”

None of this information seemed to come as a surprise to Jasper, but he still looked angry as a hornet. He crossed his arms over his chest, though his posture remained ramrod straight. The fluorescent lights above buzzed in the otherwise dead silence.

“Instead, I’m offering you a deal: tutor Miss Walker, and I’ll approve your twelfth grade math credit for graduation.”

A few seconds ticked by painfully slow. Jasper doesn’t immediately answer, which just makes the knot in my stomach grow more. I’d have an ulcer by the time I’m twenty-five, at this rate. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, anything, Jasper heavily sighed and very slightly slumped his shoulders in defeat.

“Fine.”

Mr. Savrda’s grin is like an ass eating briars. I wasn’t sure if he knew how much neither of us wanted to be partnered together or not.

“Excellent. I’ve already given Ms. Fields a heads up that you two might be meeting in the library during free periods for tutoring. You can come up with your own arrangement if you’d rather.”

Jasper doesn’t wait to be dismissed; he’s already halfway to the door with no notion of slowing down before I can say anything. Mr. Savrda’s face had turned from one of amusem*nt to one of irritation. I made the decision to follow after the jerk that I’d be stuck with for the rest of the semester, after thanking my new least favorite teacher.

“Hey can we… hey, wait!”

Jasper refused to acknowledge my existence, just like he had been everyday at lunch. I reached out a hand to stop him, and our fingers managed to just connect.

Big mistake.

My head immediately swam with hundreds of emotions all jumbled together. They swirled by so quickly that I could hardly identify one before another zoomed into focus. It was like the worst case of vertigo imaginable. The onslaught stopped only after I snatched my hand away, breaking the skin on skin contact, but the lingering dizziness was bad enough. I stepped back and leaned against the cold metal lockers, holding my still-spinning head in my hands. As my brain finally cleared, I looked up to see Jasper was also having trouble, though seemingly less, with staying vertical. And, he looked ill. Not sick ill, pissed ill. In a blink of an eye, he was towering over me. I pressed myself harder into the lockers, but they only clanged louder against my weight. The queasy feeling in my stomach returned. My brain couldn’t decide what was more alarming: how mad he was, how hot he was, or how close his body was to mine. My nose filled with a scent I couldn’t identify, but it was intoxicating.

“Free period in the library. Starting Monday. And keep your hands to yourself. Got it?”

My head was finally clear, but that just made me aware of the pure hatred in Jasper’s golden eyes. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice to work properly. The bell rang loudly as he turned away and briskly headed in the opposite direction of my next class. Students began filtering out of classrooms, stirring me out of my own thoughts.

He is such an ass! I wanted to scream in the middle of the hallway. I was going to fail calculus. Jasper Hale would make sure of it.

Chapter 7: shop til you drop dead

Chapter Text

I woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming into my room through the blinds of my balcony door, before my alarm even went off. I almost couldn’t believe that the weather was playing nicely for once in the last few weeks, reaching an unseasonably warm temperature of 50 degrees. When I stepped out onto the landing, I almost didn’t break out in chill bumps. Almost.

For a moment, I just enjoyed the sunshine’s gentle warmth on my skin until yesterday started playing back through my mind. Talking to Angela, meeting with Mr. Savrda, and the interaction I had with Jasper afterward. I had run the whole thing over again and again in my head, trying to figure out what I had done since first meeting Jasper to make him act so unfriendly towards me, especially when Alice had been so insistent about us getting along.

At that moment, there was a chime from the Blackberry Pearl charging on my nightstand. I closed the balcony door with a sigh, figuring that it would be Jessica or Angela making sure I was awake and getting ready for our shopping date. Instead, it was an unfamiliar number.

Hi, it’s Alice! I got your number from the school directory. I’m feeling extremely nauseated and won’t be able to hang out with you guys today. Have fun though! XOXOX

I quickly typed a text back, hoping that she felt better soon. I didn’t know that Forks High had a directory, let alone that Alice had gotten my number from it at some point. It was unfortunate that she would be missing our girls’ day out, even more so because she hadn’t had one in forever.

Downstairs, Cara left a note that she was at the hospital working on call with her psych patients. I had the house to myself until Jessica was supposed to come by at nine ‘o’ clock to pick me up. First, I made a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watched Niketoons, since no one was here to tell me I couldn’t or shouldn’t. Around eight, I hopped in the shower and tried to keep my good mood intact by pushing all thoughts of Jasper Hale and his horrible temper out of my mind. I wouldn’t give him any more attention than when we met for tutoring sessions after lunch.

☽●☾

“What happened to you yesterday at lunch?” Angela twisted her body around in the seat as I got buckled in. Jessica was dabbing at her Barbie pink lip gloss in the visor mirror before flipping it back up and shifting into drive. I hadn’t had the chance to mention my new tutor until now; so much for keeping him off my mind.
“I’m kind of struggling in my math class right now and Mr. Savrda wanted to meet to discuss our options,” I skirted around the subject, hoping that we could start talking about something else.

“What did he end up saying?” Jessica piped in before turning left at the end of the street.

“Well, he decided to assign me a tutor for the rest of the semester, in hopes of bringing my grade up?”

“Ooooo, is it that one hot guy taking calculus now? What’s his name, Angela? You had chemistry with him. Travis? Trevor?”

“Tobias! Collins please tell me you got paired with Tobias. He’s gorgeous. A little eye candy wouldn’t hurt while studying,” she wiggled her brows suggestively

I spun the amethyst ring around my middle finger, wishing with all my might that Tobias, or really anyone, had been assigned to me as a tutor instead of my actual tutor. The car fell silent as the two other girls waited expectantly for my answer.

“Um, well. It’s actually Jasper…”

“Shut up!” Jessica let out a squeal that I couldn’t really identify the meaning of. Was she excited for me, mad at me, or in disbelief? My hand flew to grip the back of her headrest as she jerkily merged onto highway 101, due east. Maybe Jasper was the least of my worries compared to Jessica’s driving.

“I mean, at least he’s good looking,” Angela tried to offer positively. “But he’s barely said three words to you, hasn’t he?”

I nodded, deciding to start in on my story.

“I don’t know what I’ve done or said to piss him off so badly, but trust me, he was pissed,” I concluded after a few minutes. Angela nodded at all the right intervals while Jessica surfed the radio for a good station.

“Who knows? The Cullens are super weird,” Jessica sniffed.

“Mhm, weird because Edward turned you down? Or because he did it in front of the whole school?” Angela taunted playfully with a coy smile. I didn’t know that Jessica had a thing for Edward. It was hard to imagine anyone having a thing for him when he was up Bella’s butt all the time.

“Puh-lease, that was when I was young and dumb. I didn’t know what I wanted.”

Last year, Angela mouthed at me, hiding her mouth with her hand, and then leaning back to avoid a swat from the driver. Thankfully, Jessica took the opportunity to start running through date options for the dance, starting with getting back with Mike. Jasper’s anger aside, I was still perplexed by whatever had happened both times I’d touched him. I had never experienced anything like it before meeting him. I had sensed multiple emotions in people plenty of times; however, when mine and Jasper’s skin touched, it was like thousands of emotions were fighting the spotlight in my mind, constantly shifting and changing. I didn’t like how it made my head spin, but at least he seemed to be having the same problem.

The scenery on the ride from Forks to Port Angeles was mostly trees and the occasional lake. The sunroof was open, letting in enough cool fresh air to offset the warm sunlight. The scent of pine and lake water wafted in, setting my mood straight and making me wish it was summer time already. I knew the nice weather wouldn’t last, and I was getting seriously tired of the doom and gloom already.

I’d never gotten carsick as far as I could remember, but Jessica’s driving almost changed that. She was a speed demon, a perfectly respectable trait, but when she wanted to merge, by God she was going to merge. Angela, though, was starting to look green around the gills only three-fourth of the way to our destination.

“Finally,” she muttered when we pulled into a parking spot at the first boutique on our list. Jessica simply tossed her hair over her shoulder and sauntered to open the door.

There were hundreds, maybe a thousand dresses in a rainbow of colors, lengths, and styles. Angela had informed me on the ride over that at Forks High, most girls wore short dresses for Valentines and homecoming and long dresses for prom. She instantly gravitated to the cream and white colored slinky, silky, styles, while Jessica bee-lined for a plunging red number. I wasn’t sure where to start. There were so many options, and I had the unfortunate issue of never knowing what would look good on me until I tried it on, leading to me trying on about 50 dresses.

Jessica tried on the red dress, which made her boobs look amazing, her number one goal. But, the color wasn’t right for her skin tone. Angela grabbed a few lighter, short gowns and started the job of trying them on, looking disappointed after each one. A sales assistant behind the counter idly chewed her gum while reading a book with a Harlequin cover.

“Let’s head to the store across town. They’ll have a better selection,” Jessica suggested after none of us could find a dress we liked, adorning her sunglasses once more with an annoyed glance at the assistant. She didn’t stir as the door chimed on our way out.

If it were possible, the next store had even more dresses, some of which actually drew my attention. I grabbed a turquoise sheath that Jessica insisted would complement my color palette, a purple dress with a tiered skirt, and a strapless carnation pink garment that sparkled under the bright store lighting.

“This is it. This is the one,” Angela called from inside her dressing room.

“Let’s see!” Jessica insisted while trying to maximize her boobage in a blood red, one shoulder satin shift dress. “I could stuff my bra,” she muttered just loud enough for me to hear.

Angela stepped out, looking radiant in an orchid colored a-line gown. Rhinestones adorned the straps and the top of the bodice, fading down the skirt. Angela was pretty, no doubt, but in the dress, she looked stunning.

“You look amazing,” I gasped as she did a little spin in front of the three way mirror. She smiled shyly in response, reminding us that the goddess in pink was still the same Angela that didn’t feel comfortable with compliments.

“Yeah, Ben’s not gonna be able to keep his pants on with you looking like that,” Jessica commented from my left. She had finished arranging her boobs and joined Angela for a mirror twirl and striking a pose at the end. “You’ve got the perfect dress, now what about me?”

We both agreed that the dress made her boobs look absolutely amazing and that Mike would have a difficult time turning her down if she ended up asking him.

“Alright, your turn Collins,” Angela directed the attention to me. Judging by the redness on her face, she had had enough for now. As I pulled off my clothes and stepped into the first blue dress, it surprised me how little I had thought of Alabama or my parents or Bethany. I was enjoying spending time with my newer friends, and all in all, Forks wasn’t the worst place I could have ended up. I glanced in the small mirror hanging in the dressing room and wrinkled my nose.

“Bllllluh,” Jessica gave a thumbs down. “Turns out I was wrong about that color. You need your tan back to make it work.”

The next was even worse.

“Maybe if you were going for Barney?” Angela cringed at the purple monstrosity. Ugh, I did not feel like trying on 20 more dresses. When I walked out in the last one, Jessica squinted her eyes and tilted her head. Angela quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips.

“Give us a twirl!” a sales attendant that was much more attentive than the last popped up, her cheery smile taking up half her face. I spun around 360 degrees, the tulle fanning out as I did so. It was a nice pink, not too bright, like Jess’s lipgloss, or too mauve, like old house curtains. The fabric wasn’t scratchy at all like I’d expected. When I looked back at my friends, they were both nodding approvingly.

“I love it, but what do you think?” Angela asked. I turned to look in the mirror, sizing up my reflection. My skin, which had in fact lost a lot of color from this past summer, appeared fresher. My hair, which had grown out from salon blonde to dishwater blonde at the roots, brightened just a little, though I made a mental note to ask Jessica about a hair appointment soon. My eyes even sparkled a more true blue.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered. “I…look beautiful.”

“This,” I watched Jess’s form move in the mirror to put her hands on my shoulders, “is the dress.”

☽●☾

After a brief shoe shopping trip for a pair of shiny nude sky high pumps I’d definitely need to practice in, we were all too hungry to continue our spree without eating. We stopped at a cafe with large windows that almost made it feel like we were eating outside.

“We should schedule nail and spray tan appointments for the week of the dance so that we’ll look perfect,” Jessica took turns between sipping her pink lemonade, eating a roll, and trying to schedule out the next three weeks up until Valentine’s Day.

“Don’t you think that’s a little much? For senior prom, I get it. But this is just a small dance,” Angela asked, with me nodding in agreement. My nails could use some shaping to smooth out where I had bitten them down previously, and my skin was a little dull, but it didn’t seem necessary to go all out for this occasion.

“Maybe for you, since you already have a boyfriend, but we’re still trying to snag someone.”

I nearly choked on my diet co*ke.

“Um, who is ‘we?’ Do you have a mouse in your pocket?” I hadn’t said anything to Jessica about snagging any man, ever. I also wasn’t planning on it anytime soon, because not knowing where I would end up this summer made it hard to pursue a relationship.

“Don’t tell me you actually want to go stag? It’s embarrassing!”

I just shrugged. It was a little embarrassing, but I’d done worse, and didn’t mind going single as long as I could spend time with my friends.

Our food came shortly after, leaving us with less time to talk as we ate. Afterwards, Jessica’s mom called and insisted that she get home ASAP because her cousin was flying in for a visit and Jess needed to be home for the arrival. She was only a little miffed about our girls’ day being cut short.

Back at home, I looked over the dress I’d just purchased, rethinking my decision to go without a date. The dress was too pretty to not be appreciated, but I had zero leads on a date so far, and didn’t have much time to drum up ideas. However, I knew someone who might.

☽●☾

“Here’s my list of guys that I think are worthy of your time and won’t try to get you horizontal on the couch immediately after meeting you,” Jessica met me in the library during our morning break with a handwritten list of guys to consider for the Valentine’s dance. I recognized a few names from my English and anatomy classes, though others seemed completely foreign.

“This one is the guy that we were talking about on Saturday,” she pointed to the name Tobias Parks. “Super hot, but he just broke up with a long time girlfriend. Peter Thomas is cute too, but in a boy next door way.”

She went down the list, giving me pointers for every guy that she deemed worthy of giving a shot. I felt a little silly at the idea of getting set up this way, but kept the list just in case.

PE was my favorite class of the day, simply because I got to play volleyball to my heart's content. I’d dug my knee pads out of my closet where they had been stored so I could really get into the matches like I used to. Coach even made a comment that she wished I’d moved to Forks earlier to join the team, though now the season was over, and it was too late.

By the time lunch rolled around, I started to feel anxious about my first tutoring session with Jasper. But when I entered the cafeteria, he was nowhere to be found.

“Did Jasper leave?” I asked Alice once we were all seated. Jasper had been in calculus. Edward was also present, and had a curious look on his face. He normally gazed adoringly at Bella for the entirety of lunch, but now, he was looking off in the distance, his brow a furrow of concentration. He kind of looked constipated.

“No, last I checked he’s here. Why?”

A slow smile crept across her face, which I quickly discouraged.

“It’s not like that. I was just supposed to meet with him for calculus help after lunch, per Mr. Savrda’s instruction. I figured he mentioned it to you.”

Alice, who thus far never seemed caught off guard by anything, suddenly looked off balance and startled. Her eyes flickered toward Edward for only a second, and then back to me. Bella also glanced my way, something that rarely occurred.

“O-oh, no I don’t think he mentioned anything to me. What about you, Edward?”

Edward shook his head in response, still looking worried.

“Ah, well, maybe he won’t ditch on me.”

I nibbled on a baby carrot without any ranch. I wasn’t sure what was worse: Jasper leaving school and not bothering to cancel, or him showing up and having to follow through. I could hardly stomach my food, as my stomach began to twist with apprehension. When the bell rang, signaling 5 minutes left of lunch, I decided to go ahead and make my way to the library.

“Wish me luck,” I murmured to Angela as I grabbed my bookbag and threw away my trash.

I really liked the library, and commonly spent my morning break among the shelves, looking for new read after another. Ms. Fields liked to discuss books and share recommendations on occasion. I hoped that the library wouldn’t lose its appeal after today.

Jasper was in fact, already there. As I pushed through the door, he didn’t glance up from whatever he was quickly writing in a notebook with his calculus textbook open beside it. I paused to take a deep breath and wipe my palms on my thighs.

You can do this, Collins. He’s just like any high school douchebag. Only hotter.

“I don’t have all day,” Jasper called without looking up, just as I took a step forward.

Yep, definitely a douchebag. I pulled out the chair beside him at the rectangular table and started to take out my book and notes from earlier. I had to keep my tongue firmly gripped between my teeth to refrain from making a smart comment back. Maybe if I acted equally as asshole-ish and ignored his complex, he’d chill out, and we’d get through this unscathed. As I sat down, Jasper finished writing and slid the notebook over to me.

“Here’s a breakdown of the beginning of the chapter we just covered before Christmas break and some examples worked out. Look over it and try to complete a few problems at the end of the section, if you’re capable.”

With that, he stood and headed towards the historical fiction section. I stared after him, wondering how the hell this would be any more helpful than me reteaching myself after each lesson. He must have felt me watching him, because he turned back around after pulling a book from the bottom shelf.

“What? Do you expect me to write for you, too?”

I squeezed the pencil between my hands so hard, it nearly snapped in half without me realizing. My teeth ground together as I tried to stay calm and look over the notes he’d written. They were neatly transcribed in old fashioned script, not anything like what I’d learned in elementary school. Okay, so he was cute and had impeccable handwriting. It did little to offset his grouchy attitude.

I had to admit that the section material was well outlined and explained. I could follow the steps much easier the way Jasper had written them out than when they were taught in class. There was a lot of description for why you work problems a certain way rather than the steps themselves. I copied everything in the new notebook I’d selected for tutoring, and then went back to attempt the first five problems at the end of the section. Jasper continued to read the book he had selected until I called him over after finishing.

He wordlessly began checking my answers so quickly, I almost didn’t believe he could have known what he was reading.

“You need to correct these two. You skipped the same step in both.”

I took my notebook back and looked over what he had circled with his pen. Sure enough, I had totally skipped an important step midway through the calculation, causing the entire answer to be off. I knew I needed help in math, I just wish he didn’t look so smug about being correct. I reworked the two problems and slid them back. After a second of looking them over, he nodded approvingly and started flipping back through his own notebook.

“If I only work on getting you caught up to where we’re at now, you’ll be perpetually behind,” he stated matter of factly. “So, we’ll have to target the previous chapters and the current material simultaneously. Work a few more problems while I work on simplifying the material from the current chapter.”

You need help in math, you need help in math, you need help in math I chanted while copying three of the more difficult problems into my notebook. Surely if I knocked him upside the head, I’d be removed from his tutelage and given a nice stint in detention. I couldn’t afford to let my anger get the better of me. Even if he was a jerk.

By the time the bell rang, I had worked more math than I would have liked and nearly bitten a hole in my tongue. Jasper was out the door before I could pack up and push my chair in. If only I didn’t have to see him in English.

Alice sidled up to me on the way to art, asking about the tutoring session.

“It was fine. I’m sure I’ll get a little better each day,” I tried to say as positively as I could while ignoring the feeling, that feeling, which always popped up around the Cullens.

“That’s wonderful,” she smiled at me, her perfectly white teeth gleaming.

“Actually Alice, can I ask you a question?” She nodded, looking her normal, calm and collected self. “You mentioned on my first week here that Jasper and I would get along well, but it seems like your brother hates my guts. I can’t think of anything that I’ve done to upset him, can you?”

We had just reached the art room, and Alice waited until we were seated at our paint-splattered table to answer.

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong. Jasper can just be like that with new people. He has a hard time trusting others, especially because of his former home situation.”

I felt a little guilty hearing that. Of course, all the Cullens and Hales had been adopted by Carlisle and his wife. I was sure their lives in the foster care system or with their previous families hadn’t been stellar for that to happen. But it wasn’t fair for that to be taken out on me.

“Give him some time. He’ll come around eventually.”

“I sure hope so,” I sighed, pulling out a fresh sheet of watercolor paper and pencils.

☽●☾

On the way to English, I saw Jasper standing beside his locker with a very angry looking Edward. Bella was nowhere to be seen, much to my surprise. Those two were inseparable. Edward was talking quickly in a voice too low to hear, while Jasper also looked agitated. They started going back and forth, each gesturing with their hands in restrained anger. I was halfway down the hall when Edward's lips stopped moving as he spotted me, and ever so slightly tilted his head to the left.

Jasper slowly turned, making like he was exchanging books, and looked right up at me. An eerie chill ran up my spine, and I wondered if they had just been talking about me. But why? Alice hadn’t had time to get to Edward and tell him about how I felt concerning our new arrangement during free period. Surely they had been arguing about something else, and Jasper had just happened to glance up at the wrong moment. I averted my eyes as quickly as possible and tried not to make eye contact again as I passed both of them. That weird feeling returned twice as strong as usual. It was the same feeling I got when taking out the trash at night and it’s too dark to see very far in front of me. I knew that there was nothing in the darkness lurking with ill intent, but the idea that something could be hiding was unsettling. That was how the Cullens + Co. made me feel. Unsettled.

It was quite unfortunate, considering how much I liked being around Alice. But everyday in art, it took 10 minutes for me to convince myself that I didn’t have to constantly watch her every move, for fear that I would miss something. What that something was, I didn’t know. And Edward hardly paid me any attention, save for the few times he’d given me strange looks. I couldn’t think of anything about their family that should inspire such an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it was persistent. I tried to shove it aside, but knew I would have to address it eventually.

As I reached to pull out my copy Pride and Prejudice, someone waved their hand near my face.

“Hey, can I borrow a pencil?”

I looked up to see a very cute guy smiling sweetly at me.

“Uh sure. One sec.”

I dug in my bag for one of the many esthetically pleasing mechanical pencils I kept on hand at any time, and chose the least girly plain white one.

“Here you go,” I offered it to him, returning a smile. At the moment, Jasper took his seat two rows to the left of us, but I barely noticed, as the guy started to talk more.

“Thanks. You’re Collins, right? The girl that just moved here from Alabama?”

His eyes were moss green and they crinkled at the corners, like he was used to smiling and laughing a lot.

“Yeah, that’s me. I don’t think we’ve met yet.”

“I’m Matthew. Matthew Reese. We have PE at the same time too, I think.”
Now that I thought about it, he did look familiar, and I was fairly certain that he was on the list of preapproved date options Jessica had given me earlier that day. I nodded my head, trying not to smile too hard.

“How are you liking Forks so far? Getting settled in alright?”

He seemed sweet and he was cute, but I had to concentrate on not getting distracted by Jasper, who was now blatantly looking my way. I thought we’re far enough away that he couldn't hear us, though I wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, most people have been very welcoming,” I threw in, just in case he was eavesdropping.

“That’s good. Um, I hope this isn’t too forward, but do you have a date to the Valentine’s dance yet?”

I felt my cheeks flare as my attention was snatched away from Jasper and completely focused on Matthew.

“Um, no I actually was planning on going stag and hanging with my friends. What about you?”

It isn’t until he laughs that I realize he was trying to lead into asking me to go with him.

“No, not yet. Would you want to go together, since neither of us have a date?”

I’m caught off guard by the question and don’t know how to respond. Matthew’s cute enough and it’d be nice to have a date to the dance, even though I don’t know him. Besides, it wasn’t like I had to start dating him if things went sour.

“Yeah, that’d be cool. We can figure out the details later.”

Thankfully class was starting and I could hide behind my novel. I had a date! And he was cute! As much as I didn’t mind going as a third or fifth wheel, it was nice to know that I wouldn’t be sitting by myself when everyone else paired up for the slow dancing. I could hardly contain my excitement as we started on chapter 10 of our book. I tried to discreetly glance over to see if Matthew looked as excited as I did, or if he was looking my way, but he was focused on his reading. But someone else was still glaring at me, sending a streak of panic through my stomach.
Jasper.

A/N: I’m trying very hard to get this written and make it *quality* writing. My whole motivation for writing this story is that 1) there’s not enough Jasper/OC material. 2) I feel like a main character meeting the Cullens would be soooo different than the way it happened with Bella. And 3) I love the Twilight Renaissance (looking at you, Twilight sh*tposting ratties). If you’re reading this, I hope you’re still enjoying my story so far and that you’ll stick around for the good parts ;)

Chapter 8: siblings, am I right?

Chapter Text

We were almost through a full week of tutoring when that thing happened again. And afterwards, I was left with more questions than answers.

It started out with me beating Jasper to the library. I had skipped out on lunch, feeling too apprehensive about our lesson today to eat anything, and was looking for the unabridged version of The Count of Monte Cristo. Ms. Fields must have been in the cafeteria getting her usual chicken salad. I figured Jasper was there, too, relishing his time away from me.

De, Di, Do……Dumas, I thought while tracing my fingers over the rows of books. It had to be somewhere here, considering most 10th grade English classes included it as part of the curriculum. Finally, I spotted it on the shelf above my head, the thick novel sandwiched between several thinner books. I reached up, stretching out all of my five foot six height to try and grab it. My fingers just barely brushed in front of the spine. If I were an inch taller, I would’ve been able to reach it. Still I persisted, grunting with the effort to stay on my tiptoes for more than a minute. Just as I was about to give up and use a chair, a pale hand easily surpassed mine and plucked the book from its spot. I fell back on my heels, bumping into the person behind me before whirling around to see who had snuck in. The hair at the back of my neck instantly stood on end.

Towering over me, his hand still resting on the shelf above my head, was Jasper Hale. How he had gotten into the library without me hearing, I didn’t know. He must have been silent as a cat on carpet to get so close without me noticing. And now, we were way too close. Close enough that my heart was pounding in my ears, drowning out the sound of my breathing. Close enough that I could see the various shades of gold in his eyes. Close enough to smell the delicious cologne he wore, something with notes of leather, whiskey, and vanilla tobacco. My mind went numb at the scent, and it felt as if time slowed. I had to tilt my head back just to look at his face straight on. For once, he didn’t seem completely put out to see me. He didn’t look pleasant either, but any improvement in his attitude was always welcome. He held my gaze as he pulled the book off the shelf.

“The Count of Monte Cristo,” he read from the front cover, finally breaking our eye contact. His right eyebrow lifted in silent judgment as he continued to examine the cover. “A story of betrayal and revenge.”

I noticed a few other things, this close up. His pale skin was flawlessly smooth, much like Alice’s. His cheekbones were prominent under that flawless skin, but there was a haunted look to his eyes. Dark shadows were lining the skin underneath, as if he hadn’t slept in days. And the color of his eyes was darker than normal, too, more like a dark amber than their usual honey. I grasped onto these facts, trying to gain a more level head despite how loopy I felt.

“Did you eat lunch already?” I chirped, finding it hard to speak normally. He shook his head and pressed the book to my stomach before turning away. I grabbed it just in time, blinking after his retreating figure. The farther away he walked, the clearer my head became. I tentatively followed, placing the book at the circulation desk on the way.

We started as usual, him writing out an explanation of the section material and then me working through a couple of practice problems which he then corrected. We were on the last problem set from the current chapter when it happened. Jasper was passing my notebook so that I could review his feedback. As I reached out to receive it, the very tips of our index fingers touched. My head swam, briefly with too many emotions to nail down, but it wasn’t as intense as the last two times. Uncomfortable, yes, but not much different than standing up too fast after laying down for a while. I watched Jasper’s face to see if he had felt it, too. We blinked at each other from across the table, both stunned into speechlessness. This was the first time it had happened secluded from other people; maybe it was a good time to talk about it.

“Did you feel that?” I whispered, not wanting Ms. Fields to overhear, though she was at the other end of the room. A look flashed through Jasper’s eyes as he hesitated to answer.

“Feel what?” He finally said while staring at me blankly, as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

“You know what I’m talking about!” I hissed, leaning over the table. “That thing that happens every time our hands touch. The dizzy feeling, like your head is spinning and there’s too many…”

I paused here, unsure of how to continue as a strange feeling washed over me. It was like I suddenly felt uninterested in pursuing the discussion any further. In fact, I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything at all, whether it was something as simple as talking about the weather, or studying calculus. My brain just kind of….stopped. Like everything on my mind was wiped clear.

“Are you alright?” Jasper asked, concerned. A small furrow appeared between his brows. It was the first time he’d addressed me with an expression other than hostility.

“Um, yeah. I just kind of forgot what we were talking about. What section are we covering today?” Whatever was preventing me from thinking straight had lifted enough for me to focus on the entire reason we were both here. He slid his notebook towards me, and I started copying down each word. My mind wasn’t entirely clear, but at the time, I didn’t know what it was or what to do about it. It could be hormones, or the fact that I skipped lunch, or even the after effects of standing so close to Jasper as he hovered over me a few moments ago. So, I tried to shake it off and focus on the handful of math problems that needed solving rather than the mystery that could be solved after I passed my AP exam. Though I didn’t miss the slightest hint of a smirk that Jasper had throughout the entirety of our tutoring session.

After school, as I was headed towards the hospital for my shift, the veil around my mind completely lifted, and I remembered exactly what I had wanted to discuss with Jasper and why it was so important. He had acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, like he didn’t get dizzy and confused, too. Had I misunderstood his body language the three times it had happened? Was I the one that was totally crazy? I knew that the ability I’d lived with for as long as I could remember was real and working just as it always had, I just needed to figure out what it was about Jasper Hale that threw it all out of whack, and why he insisted on acting like he didn’t.

☽●☾

During my shift, my mind kept straying to Jasper. There must be something specifically about him that was interfering with my ability to perceive emotions through contact. Deborah was on the phone coordinating numerous visits for drug reps, completely ignoring my side of the desk. I was getting faster at uploading patient files into the database and she had started giving me space, checking in less and less the more competent I got. She wouldn’t notice if I quickly did a little research, would she? I wasn’t 100% sure where to begin, except with the few things I knew about myself.

Psychic abilities. I typed the words into the search engine, not feeling very optimistic about what I would find. The first few hits were ads for psychic hotlines that offered free over the phone tarot card readings, followed with a pay-by-the-minute explanation of what the reading meant. I scrolled through names like Madam Esmerelda and the Clever Clairvoyant CiCi until I was sure that I needed a more specific search, so I tried List of emotional psychic abilities. The third link, a Wikipedia entry for empaths, seemed the most promising. The first section explained the non-paranormal idea of an empath, someone who was sensitive to others’ emotions. I skimmed down to the next heading, Paranormal Concept. Words like parapsychology, psychic channeling, and spirits of the dead jumped out. I’d certainly never channeled the emotions of a dead person; when my Nana died two years ago, I had briefly touched her hand, despite my better judgment. It had felt cold and waxy and 100% devoid of emotion.

I continued reading through the paranormal section, learning that the perception and manipulation of emotions was known as “pathokinesis.” I’d never had a word for what I could do; I guess I had never really thought about needing a label for it, but I was glad to have it. The only question now was: where did Jasper fit into all of this? What was it about him that caused my ability to go haywire?

“Collins!” I nearly jumped out of my skin as Deborah called from the storage room behind me. I was too caught up in the article to realize what she had been doing for the past few minutes.

“One second!” I called back, quickly hitting the ‘command’ and ‘p’ keys at the same time before hopping up and holding my scrub jacket more tightly around my torso, a sudden chill traveling through my body.

☽●☾

People with the innate ability to sense the feelings and emotions of others are said to have the gift of pathokinesis.

I paused my reading to fluff the pillow behind my back and tug the new heavy bedspread farther up my body. The space heater had been moved beside my bed and cranked up all the way, trying its best to banish the cold air from my room. I took a sip of hot cocoa with whipped cream, tightened my hold on Mr. Biggles, the stuffed cat I still kept from elementary school, and kept reading.

Though some people are naturally sensitive to the emotions of others, psychic empaths are able to pick up on the emotions and feelings of others without any type of verbal or physical communication, though physical contact is sometimes necessary. This gift may be paired with emotional manipulation, or one of its subsets: emotion inducement1, empathic projection2, emotion projection3, and/or empathic communication4.

I didn’t have any other cool superpower to pair with my pathokinesis, but it sounded awesome. I had printed the entire article, and skimmed down to the blurb about emotional manipulation.

Emotional manipulation can manifest in psychic empaths differently, depending on the person. 1Some are able to induce emotions that were not previously present, 2share their own sensations and emotions with others without explicitly communicating, 3make their emotions visible to other people, projecting them in a visual way, or 4hold conversations strictly with emotions that are communicated nonverbally. All manifestations of emotional manipulation may be limited to proximity, skill level, and the necessity of physical touch.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to manipulate anyone’s emotions but my own, aside from pissing off Cara and Jasper, apparently. I flipped through a few more pages, reading about each specific ability until I reached the last page.

Who can wield these abilities?
Though humans may be blessed with the abilities of an empath, other humanoid creatures may possess them as well. Shape-shifters are the most likely, as their shifting forms are acquired later on in their human life. Descendants of powerful witches can also learn these skills with the proper meditation and a strong connection to the energies of others. Vampires…

I blinked hard and started to laugh at what I had just read. Up until that point, I was intently reading the article, soaking up information in an effort to figure some things out. But vampires? I was open to a lot of this, given my unique skill for emotional perception, but vampires were apparently where I drew the line. All I could imagine was Nosferatu flipping a light switch in a Spongebob episode, and started laughing again. Well, the article was useful for one thing: helping me understand myself, even if I couldn’t figure out everything else. I placed the papers in the garbage and snuggled under the covers, hoping for answers and warmer weather.

☽●☾

Matt: wat r u up 2?

Me: working. U?

Matt: otw 2 practice. Wanna grab smthn 2 eat after work?

I sent a quick text back saying that we could meet at the diner and returned to my job inputting patient info. I had reached the ‘H’ section of the filing cabinet, full of Hackmans, Haddens, Haines, and Hairrells. But as I started on names beginning with ‘HAL’ I noticed something odd: there was no record for anyone with the last name Hale. I admit, I had been anticipating a file for Jasper, though I wasn’t particularly interested in his medical history. Nevertheless, it caught my attention when paired with the fact that there were no files for the Cullens either. Wouldn’t they have been to the hospital’s urgent care clinic at some point within the last few years for something, especially due to Jasper’s migraines? Maybe they were just really healthy people, but I doubted it. I knew I shouldn’t be so curious about peoples’ records; it was unprofessional and risky to my job. However, I kept that fact at the back of my mind.

“Collins.”

I jumped, feeling like I’d been caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar. There was nothing incriminating on my desk, but Cara had a weird way of knowing when I was hiding something.

“I’m thinking we could have spaghetti for supper tonight. I’ve been craving Italian food all day.”

I replaced the file I’d just finished and pulled another one.

“Actually, I have a date tonight at the diner. But if you still want to cook, more power to you.” I resisted the urge to look up at Cara’s face. I hadn’t exactly mentioned Matthew to her. She was too nosy and would start asking a million questions, but I couldn’t hide it forever.

“A date? With who? Since when are you dating anyone?” I chanced a peek and saw her eyebrow co*cked at an angle, something we both got from our momma. Something that made my stomach lurch apprehensively.

“Matthew Reese,” I replied simply, not giving any more info than what she had strictly asked for.

“Oh, is that why you’re flunking calculus? Because of a boy?”

Over the last few weeks, I’d felt my cheeks flare up in embarrassment plenty of times, but never in anger, until now. Cara and I, like most sisters, had a knack for getting under each other’s skin, though I felt like she did it on purpose while I usually didn’t.

“I’m not flunking calculus,” I continued typing, trying not to let my temper get the better of me. “I’m just not doing as well as I’d like.”

“Mhm, is that why Dr. Cullen’s foster son is tutoring you? Jasper, is it?”
I flicked my eyes back up to my sister and instantly felt the irritation in my stomach give a little sizzle. She had this look, this I-know-you-hate-this-right-now look, that ground my gears.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Maybe if you weren’t so focused on dating, you wouldn’t need a tutor. You’re not going to get into a good college if you don’t buckle down this last semester. The boys can wait, your education can’t.”

Ugh! As if she knew what she was talking about!

“I’ve already got a mom, and I’m pretty sure she’s in France right now,” I hissed through gritted teeth, trying not to cause a scene at work. Deborah would be walking in from the back at any moment. The last thing I needed was her reporting that Cara and I were having an altercation while on the clock.

“Whatever. I’m just trying to help you, but if you want to be a brat about it, you can fail calculus for all I care.”

She walked away before I could get another word in. As unsatisfying as that felt, it was probably for the best. We could argue for hours if allowed. Cara was notorious for trying to mother me, then getting upset when I gave any push back. I never claimed to know everything, but I wasn’t an idiot either. And I was eighteen. If I wanted to screw up my life, it was mine to screw up, not hers. Besides, the harder she tried to make me go in one direction, the harder I wanted to ignore her.

By the time I met Matthew at the diner, a bitingly cold wind had picked up. The clouds hanging low looked like they were bringing snow, though I wasn’t too sure. I’d had very little experience with weather cold enough for snow until recently. The warm air inside the building did wonderful things for my skin and my mood. I didn’t want to talk about what happened with Cara and me, especially not to Matt. He was sitting in a booth, sipping a co*ke and scanning the menu when I walked in. I felt butterflies take flight in my stomach as I approached. Act cool, I recited just as he looked up and smiled. I smiled too, willing myself to act natural as I sat down.

“Hi,” I greeted him, while taking off my coat and getting situated in the booth. The vinyl cover made a farting noise as I scooched farther in. I hoped he hadn’t noticed it.

“Hey, how was work?” His easy going smile slowly spread across his face. I tried to smile back, despite my exchange with Cara.

“It was fine, kind of boring.” There was no way I could tell Matt about my snooping in the hospital files. Not only would it get me into trouble if someone else found out, I would also look crazy. A waitress came by to get my drink order (Dr. Pepper, since there was no sweet tea this far west). I noticed that it was the same waitress that served Cara and me the first day I was in town.

“Wanna split an order of onion rings?” I suggested, while trying to decide on an entree.

“Sure,” he agreed. We put in our order a few minutes later and began discussing details for the Valentine’s dance.

“My dress is a really pale pink, in case you needed to know that. I wasn’t planning on going all out. I figured that was what prom was for. Do people make a big deal about prom around here?”

Back home, girls considered prom almost as important as their future wedding, but I knew that was mostly a southern thing.

“Yeah, especially girls like Jessica Stanley. Last year, she wore a dress that…” he trailed off, looking a little uncomfortable. “A dress that looked really expensive,” he finished, though I did catch a red tinge creeping over his neck. Had he put his foot in his mouth by not realizing Jessica and I were friends, or was he about to say something really embarrassing?

“Anyway, most people just do the usual. Dress up, take pictures, grab dinner, and then go dancing. Nothing too flashy.”

“Thank God, I could do without flashy this year,” I sighed, taking a long sip from my drink. The onion rings had just arrived. Both Matt and I reached for the same one, our fingers brushing. A muscle in my neck twitched. I half expected the emotional feedback loop, but that only happened with Jasper. Instead, I got the standard main feelings.

Nervous. Happy.

I couldn’t figure out the third. It was too faint, too buried, pushed far into the back of his mind.

“Do you want to get dinner beforehand? It starts at seven ‘o’ clock if I’m not mistaken. We could eat and then head that way after.”

I munched on an onion ring and nodded my head. Our plans were coming together nicely, though I hoped that things wouldn’t be too awkward. Matt and I were attempting to get to know each other in case our date to the dance ended up being a more long term thing. So far, we had only texted a couple of days, the conversation feeling stilted.

“Maybe we could all go out for dinner, like a triple date. Me and you, Angela and Eric, Jessica and whoever she’s going with.”

Jessica was still looking for a date, but I knew she secretly wanted to go with Mike more than anyone else.

“Are you sure? We could make it a ‘just us’ type of thing.”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun to all hang out together, don’t you?”

Matt shrugged, obviously not liking the idea, but he didn’t continue pressing for a regular date. I felt a little uneasy, like it would be better to agree and move on. At that moment, our food came out: a chicken breast with green beans and mashed potatoes for him and baked mac and cheese for me. Conversation stalled while we both dug into our plates. I tried to push away the idea that I should concede on the triple date thing. I didn’t know Matt all that well and having other people present for the dance festivities would make me feel a lot more comfortable. Once we both had got half way through our dishes, we started talking again, this time about sports. He was the center fielder on the varsity baseball team. I could talk baseball any day. It was the only male dominated sport that I kept up with.

“You should come to one of our games before the regular season ends. Maybe you’ll be my good luck charm.”

Matt winked and dug back into his mashed potatoes. My stomach did a little flip-flop.

I ignored the tinge of dread that immediately followed.

Chapter 9: sticks & stones

Chapter Text

I hated Mondays. And Tuesdays. I was even starting to hate Wednesdays a little. It seemed like anywhere I went, something or someone was getting on my nerves. Cara was at home and at work, and she wasn’t in the best mood. It didn’t take an empath to know that. I had tried to reach out to her, offering to rent a few movies and have a girls night last Sunday, but she barely paid any attention at all while we watched romcom after romcom. I didn’t see her at the hospital much, but I was afraid that I would catch her in a bad mood if I did. Then there was Deborah, who was mostly out of my way, though still abrasive as ever.

Jasper had started being even colder than normal. Because my calculus grade was improving, he took it upon himself to ask Mr. Savrda if he could quit tutoring me already. Whether he knew I had been waiting by the door to have my weekly check in with Mr. Savrda, I wasn’t sure. Either way, it still hurt my feelings that he had some personal vendetta against me. We were getting along fine, what was his problem?

Mr. Savrda, on the other hand, was pleased with the arrangement.

“You made a 90 on your last quiz. I’d say the tutoring is working, wouldn’t you?”

I nodded and smiled a little.

“It is, thank you for suggesting it. I just wish…nevermind,” I stopped before going any further. I’m sure my math teacher wasn’t particularly worried about Jasper being an ass.

“You wish I’d paired you with a different tutor, don’t you?” Mr. Savrda wore a knowing grin, as if he had expected us to not get along from the get-go. Had he known somehow that Jasper and I weren’t the best of friends? We sat too far away from each other in class to talk, not that we would want to anyway. And the only other class we shared was AP English. We didn’t talk in that class either. I nodded my head, unsure of where this was headed.

“Miss Walker, the thing is, Jasper is one of the best calculus students I’ve ever had. Sometimes I wonder if he understands the material better than I do. Given how much he’s been able to help you in such a small amount of time, my suspicions may not be too far off. However, he never gives me more than just the surface. I think he’s capable of more, a lot more. The performance he displays in class is phenomenal, but I want to push him to be his very best. Do you understand?”

I nodded again.

“Plus, he really has been an attendance issue. Of course, most of those attendances have been excused with a doctor’s note from the hospital,” he trailed off in a grumble. “Anyway, this has been a good opportunity to push him while helping you catch up. I think it’s working well, but I’d like for you two to continue with your current schedule. I don’t want you getting behind as we get into more difficult material.”

I was afraid he was going to say that. On one hand, Jasper was a great tutor. I was starting to comprehend a lot more than I could have on my own. On the other hand, he would probably rather jump off the tallest building in Forks than spend another minute in the library with me. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

Matt wasn’t too happy about the arrangement either.

“They’re kind of weird,” he had said during Wednesday at break. “Hale in particular. They’ve always kept to themselves until Bella moved to Forks. And then, there was the whole thing when they moved and came back. I’ve just never felt comfortable around them.”

“What do you mean? Like you think they’re dangerous?” Could it be that Matt also got a little apprehensive around the Cullens, like I had? That he was afraid of them?

“No, I don’t think they’re dangerous. But I also don’t like the idea of you having to be alone with Hale for 30 to 45 minutes in the library every day.”

I just shrugged. It was unpleasant but I would survive. I couldn’t give up on my passing calculus grade now.

“Can I walk you down there from lunch? And then pick you up after?” Matt’s hand brushed mine tentatively. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jessica give me a wink and then turned back to whatever she was saying to Mike. She was still trying to get him to ask her to the dance, though he hadn’t yet.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” I laughed. “What’s he gonna do with Ms. Fields there? Murder me?”

“I know, I know. I would just feel better seeing you before and after. And it’s just something I want to do.”

A weird feeling spread in my stomach, adding to the list of weird feelings I’d had since moving to Forks. I didn’t think what Matt was suggesting was a good idea, but I didn’t have a good reason, except that I wanted to figure some things out between Jasper and I that no one else would understand. I should want Matt to walk me to and from class; he was my date to the dance after all.

“Okay, I reckon that’d be alright. We meet in the library after lunch and throughout free period. Then I have art after, but I usually walk with Alice. I’m sure she won’t mind if you join us.”

I didn’t miss the slight look of disapproval that Matt gave when I mentioned that I walked to art with Alice. I guess I didn’t feel like getting into it with him at the moment. Plus, I couldn’t blame him for thinking the Cullens were a little weird. They did keep to themselves at the lunch table, with the exception of Edward and Bella. Alice had also started talking to Angela and Jessica a lot more, with Angela being a little more open to it than Jess. But all in all, I could understand why people were wary of them.

☽●☾

Matt sat with us at lunch. I don’t know how it could have been more awkward.

Thankfully, Jasper wasn’t there. He had taken to going straight to the library instead of coming to the cafeteria, so Matt took his seat. He didn’t seem too pleased to be sitting beside Alice, and come to think of it, neither did she. Like Jess, Angela, Mike, and Eric, Matt had been in the Forks school system since kindergarten, and everyone knew of him, even if they weren’t friends. The similarities seemed to end there. Matt kept trying to steer the conversation towards baseball. As much as I loved baseball, no one else had any interest in the Fork’s varsity end of season stats. I shoved carrot after carrot into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to make any comments one way or the other. Even Bella, who normally ignored everyone else and focused on Edward, seemed annoyed. I wanted to crawl under the table and stay there, but settled on keeping my mind occupied with the article I had printed out on Friday. I had almost started laughing again when thinking about vampires being mentioned. Shape-shifters were bad enough, but I’d heard enough wendigo stories to make me doubt my own skepticism. Witchcraft wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities either. People practiced witchcraft, that was nothing new. And the fact that I had some type of supernatural or psychic power made the existence of a true witch more believable. But vampires? Again, I pictured Nosferatu, Dracula, and Count Chocula, and had to stifle a laugh. Edward must have noticed, because his eyes quickly locked onto me from across the table. I hated the way I felt when he looked straight at me. It felt….invasive.

Finally, lunch was drawing to an end, and I stood, saying bye to everyone but Matt, who also made a move to follow. The look of relief on everyone’s faces didn’t go unnoticed.

“Not a talkative bunch, are they?” Matt asked, completely oblivious.

“I think they’re just not really interested in baseball. Maybe you could try volleyball with Jess? She was team captain this last season I think.”

At the door to the library, Matt kissed my cheek and told me he’d meet me right when the bell rang. My stomach did a little flip, but I still wasn’t sure about my feelings for Matt. He seemed to like me just fine, I knew without needing to read him.

You’re just nervous. This is all really new, I told myself, then tried to push the whole thing out of my head so I could focus on getting through free period. Jasper was sitting at our usual table, looking as gorgeous as ever in jeans and a blue button up shirt. Ugh, how could someone so attractive on the outside be so unattractive on the inside? It wasn’t fair. I watched his jaw stiffen and brow furrow in concentration. He had a nice jawline, sharp and angular.

Geez, Collins. Chill.

He turned his head in my direction and raised one eyebrow. I returned the look and tilted my head to the side slightly.

“What?” I asked, a little on edge. It came out sounding more angry than I had meant it, but he had been plenty rude to me in the last few weeks. He could handle some hostility for once.

“Nothing, just thought loverboy might be joining us,” he turned back to the notebook with a small smirk.

“His name is Matthew,” I retorted, sitting down and pulling out my own notebook and calculus text.

“Oh, my apologies, ma’am. I hope I haven’t offended you,” he answered sarcastically. I tried my best to ignore the way his accent sounded. Despite both being from the South, a Texan accent and an Alabamian accent are pretty distinguishable from each other, especially if you have one of them yourself. I hated how much I liked his.

“Like you’d care if you offended me,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Here, he gave me a funny look, like he wanted to say something but then thought better of it.

“Just…start writing.”

☽●☾

Matt showed up right on time to walk me to class. He insisted on carrying my books for me, even though I was more than capable of doing it myself. As Jasper walked out the door, I noticed the way he smiled at Matt and I, like something was funny. I knew I shouldn’t, but I felt a little self conscious. I shouldn’t care about what Jasper thought about my…relationship with Matthew, if that was even what you could call it at that point.

One Cullen was quickly replaced by another as Alice appeared by my side.

“Hi Collins. Matthew,” her tone switched from joyful to completely uninterested. Why was I having such a hard time balancing my could-be boyfriend and friends?

“Hey, how was your free period?” I tried to act as naturally as possible, but both the people walking with me couldn’t have made me feel any more uncomfortable than I already was. I hoped that by ignoring it, things would smooth over a little.

“I skipped out for a minute to pick up Jasper’s migraine medicine from the hospital. He’s been having some issues lately.”

I wondered if that was why he had been extra irritable. There were times when we studied that he seemed to be uncomfortable, almost acting as if he was in pain. But I had assumed that if it was bad enough, he’d leave school. Well, that didn’t absolve him from being guilty of being an ass, but it did explain some of it.

“Ah that makes sense. Hopefully the medicine works. His migraines have really been affecting his moods, I think.”

I wasn’t 100% sure what Alice said next, but it sounded along the lines of, “Yeah, it’s the migraines.”

At art, Matt placed my books on mine and Alice’s table and left me with another kiss on the cheek. As sweet as it was, I kind of wished he would nix the PDA. It was a little over the top for us to not officially be dating.

“I don’t like him,” Alice admitted bluntly. “He’s not a good match for you.”

I knew Alice wasn’t a fan of Matt but I hadn’t expected her to say it with such certainty.

“And just who do you think would be a good match for me? Jasper?”

She cut her eyes in my direction as if I were being ridiculous but neither confirmed nor denied it. Nothing in art seemed to go the way I wanted. Everything I started on didn’t look right about halfway through. I ended up throwing paper after paper away, not feeling satisfied with my work. We were starting a section on shading and highlighting, something that I never had trouble with in the past. Well, until today.

After art, Matt walked me to my AP science class. This time, I ducked in with a quick “bye!” over my shoulder before he could plant one on me. I didn’t have any friends, or enemies for that matter, in this class, making it easier to focus. I had really started to like anat & phys, even though we were starting to dissect animals.

I met Matt in the classroom for English. Jasper had beat me there as well. I couldn’t tell if I was imagining it or not, but he seemed to be paying attention to me and Matt this week. I never caught him staring, but I had the impression that he was only doing so when I wasn’t looking. I really wished the boys in Forks could get it together.

☽●☾

That afternoon at work, something happened that didn't sit well with me. Part of my job had been to transfer records from the filing cabinet to the computer database. The other, smaller, part was to update that database with visits from that week, including the day I was working. At the top of my stack was a folder marked with a fresh label.

Jasper Hale

I hastily opened the record and began reading through the history. There was a schedule of postnatal and adolescent vaccines and when they had been administered. There were notes from doctor visits, starting today and dating all the way back to when he was two. There were records of a prescription strength migraine prevention and treatment injection, with records of refills for it every month, the first dose being about two years ago.

Was it just a coincidence that Alice had picked up Jasper’s refill right after I had snooped for information? Had someone known? But nobody could have. I was, theoretically, just doing the job I’d been given. The fact that I took special notice of the absence of Cullen and Hale medical records was inconsequential.

Cullen medical records .

“Hey Deborah?” Debbie made a grunting noise, merely to acknowledge that I had spoken. “Can I borrow the key for stored records? I think I made an error with some of the files.”

Of course Deborah would believe that I had made a mistake; she had been waiting for it since I started working at the hospital. Without looking my way, she reached her hand out in my general direction, the key dangling from a telephone cord-style lanyard. I grabbed it and headed to the closet that held physical copies of paperwork and patient records. As I flicked on the light and walked to the filing cabinet that held all patients with surnames beginning with “ C ,” it felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew what I would find, but needed to see it for myself to confirm.

Behind the divider, there were five files with the name Cullen, each organized alphabetically.

Alice, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, and Esme.

Each file was filled with the same data as Jasper’s: vaccination records, charts from office visits, though some were from other offices and hospitals, and general patient information. I checked the “ H” drawer next. Sure enough, another Hale had been added since Saturday: Rosalie, Jasper’s sister.

Why had these records suddenly showed up? Physicians and hospital staff like Cara had access to them at their leisure, but it was too odd that the entire family had been pulled at the same time. Were they in group therapy with Cara? That would make a little sense, but I couldn’t just ask her that without breaking a privacy law. No, there was some other reason all of the files had shown up, and I knew it would bug me until I figured it out.

☽●☾

That Thursday, I had wanted to try and ask Alice some questions to see what information I could dig out of her, but Matt got in the way. He had taken to walking me to and from EVERY class. It was a sweet gesture, I will admit, but it was as if I had a golden retriever puppy following me at all times. Alice had already voiced her disapproval, and stuck to her guns by avoiding me during classes. When Angela tried to catch up with me on the way to government, I noted how her face fell when she realized that Matt was also walking with me.

“Hi Collins. Hi Matthew,” she greeted both of us politely.

“Hey Angela, can I get your opinion on something?” Matte asked before I got a chance to say anything. I wondered what Matt would need to talk to Angela about and prayed that it wasn’t the starting line up for his next game, or else she might never talk to us again.

“Yeah sure. What’s up?”

“Don’t you think there’s something up with the Cullens? Aren’t they a little off?”

“ Matthew! ” I hissed. Despite the fact that I was suspicious of the Cullens’ medical records and had been investigating whatever weird interactions Jasper and I were having, him asking Angela a point blank question like that was incredibly rude. Angela and Alice certainly weren’t best friends but they had warmed up to each other a lot in the last week or so. I knew Angela wouldn’t be comfortable with Matthew putting her on the spot like that.

“Uh, I don’t know. Alice is pretty nice and Edward cares a lot about Bella. And Jasper has really helped Collins with her calculus, hasn’t he?” She turned to me, hoping for backup, I think.

“Yeah, I would’ve been a goner without him. I mean, without his help,” I corrected my initial statement, afraid that it would make Matt jealous. There was no reason to be, since Jasper had made it clear that he didn’t even have the intention of being friends. But I couldn’t deny that without him, I’d be up a sh*t creek in cal. “Can we not talk about this? Alice is our friend and Edward’s dating Bella.”

Although, saying Bella was my friend felt like a bit of a stretch. She sat with all of us at lunch, but I had barely said three words to her since school started.

“Sorry,” Matt apologized as we reached government. “See you after class?”

“Of course,” I waved goodbye and entered the classroom. As we both sat in our usual seats, Angela gave me a look not too different from the one Alice had yesterday.

“He’s a little…attentive, isn’t he?” That was putting it nicely, considering that we had only started talking to each other a week ago.

“Yeah, I think he’s just trying really hard to impress me. That’s not a bad thing, right?” I had gotten the feeling that Matthew was an insecure person. It was something I could sense when he touched my hand or kissed my cheek. I thought that, perhaps, he was trying really hard so that our date to the dance would turn into a more long term situation. Angela mulled this over for a minute, then shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess not. I wish Eric would carry my books to class. They get so heavy at the end of the day.”

I managed to miss Matt during our midmorning break by taking the long way around to the library. It was nothing against him, I just wanted to read my book instead of risk discussing whether or not the Cullens were weird. They weren’t weird, per say, but some things surrounding their lives in Forks were questionable, to put it nicely. Because Matt didn’t know to look for me in the library, he missed me on the way to the gym as well. By the time he spotted me, I was walking onto the volleyball court from the locker room, changed and ready to burn some energy in a friendly two on two volleyball match. Lily, Megan, Ashley, and I had been playing every day we were allowed to. They were pretty talented for freshmen and made our frequent matches interesting.

The score was 20-21, my team was losing. If there was one thing that Cara and I shared, it was our competitive nature. Even in a PE volleyball match, I always remembered to bring my knee pads so I could lunge and dive if needed. Megan set the ball up near the net, in the perfect place for Ashley to jump up and spike it. I had anticipated that, but was too far away, and so was Lily. There was a small chance I could reach it if I dove, so I did. As I pushed off, my back foot slid on a miniscule amount of sweat on the floor. There was a sickening crack and pain immediately radiated through my foot, worsening as I landed on the floor from my botched dive.

I had missed the ball.

My body instantly curled into a ball, hands pulling my right leg into my chest as I rolled onto my back. I hated crying in front of people, but as my coach and several students in the gym crowded around me, I didn’t care about the tears flowing down my face. Coach was the nearest person I could make out before shutting my eyes and clenching my teeth in pain.

“Collins, are you alright?” She bent down, trying to steady my body as I went to roll onto my other side.

“No,” I managed through my gritted teeth. I knew before I tried that I wouldn’t be able to move my foot without excruciating pain. I peeked one eye open and saw that it was already swelling and bruising.

“We’re going to have to get you to the hospital.” Coach went to stand and clear the area. “Alright! Back up and give her some space!”

The pain radiated up my leg to my knee, worse than any injury I could remember at that moment. Students backed up, giving me some space to cry and wallow while Coach radioed down to the office on a walkie-talkie.

“I’ve got a student with a possible fracture. Can you send the nurse?”

Several painful moments later, the nurse, an older lady in her mid-fifties that mainly handed out peppermints and let students nap in her office if their stomach hurt, jogged through the gym door with two students in tow. Jasper and Edward, who seemed to be disagreeing about something. As if things couldn’t get any worse.

“Oh dear,” Nurse Myra squatted down to examine my ankle, her kind face wrinkling in concern. “I’m afraid this is a little above my pay grade. We’re going to have to get you to the hospital, but I’ll need to wrap it in some ice to stabilize it and reduce the swelling. Is that okay?”

She placed a hand under my shoulder, helping me sit up straight.

“What is he doing here?” I purposefully asked as if Jasper walked to my side. Edward had left.

“Oh, he was in my office. I can’t disclose the reasoning, dear. Jasper, would you mind helping me?”

I glanced up at Jasper, who looked like he would much rather wrestle a bear than help her bandage my ankle. I saw the look in his eyes, the hesitation. Even still, he kneeled down and strategically placed one hand under my knee pad and the other under my calf, his jacket sleeve creating a barrier between his skin and mine.

“Easy does it,” the nurse muttered to herself as she unwrapped a length of ACE bandage. “This is going to hurt, but I need it to be stable so we don’t cause any more damage, okay?”

I just nodded my head, trying to steady my breathing and stop crying. Matt called my name from the sidelines, where Coach was hoarding students onto the bleachers and away from me. I didn’t bother to look his way, my mind was too preoccupied by the pain in my leg. As Nurse Myra gingerly touched my ankle, the pain didn’t get any better but it didn’t get any worse either. I kept nodding my head as she paused to check in on my pain levels. By the time she was finished, the pain had subsided a little more, making it just bearable. The small ice pack was freezing against my skin. She clipped the bandage together with a safety pin and sat back.

“Is there someone who can drive you to the hospital?” Nurse Myra asked. I looked over to Matthew then, thinking he might be willing. Before I could get one word out, Jasper had spoken.

“I’ll drive her. I can call Carlisle and let him know we’re on the way.”

Maybe it was the pain from my ankle or the weird complacency that usually came over me after I had been crying, but I didn’t refuse his offer. Though I did give him a side eye that could rival my mother’s. It didn’t make any sense to act like he had been and then offer to drive to the hospital when I was hurt. I could’ve asked Matt or Angela or even Mike instead. Lily had already gotten back from the locker room, my clothes stuffed in the bag with the rest of my stuff. Jasper proffered his hand. I tried to prepare myself, but nothing could ever prepare me for how I felt when I touched his skin. Once I was upright on one foot like a flamingo, he released my hand, pulling my arm over his shoulders. No more skin contact. No more dizziness. I swung my bag over my left shoulder and put the slightest bit of weight on my left foot. As the toe of my tennis shoe touched the floor, pain flashed through my ankle again. I winced and let out a small yelp.

“Here,” Jasper wrapped his arm around my waist and grabbed my wrist. I noticed that he was sure to keep his fingers on the material of my long sleeved Under Armour shirt. One step at a time, we hobbled towards the door and out into the chilly Washington weather. It was absolutely freezing in spandex shorts and the thin shirt I always wore for volleyball. Nurse Myra walked ahead of us to let the office know we would be leaving campus.

“This is going to take forever,” Jasper sighed. It was true that we hadn’t made much headway between the gym and the parking lot at the other end of campus.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling tears well up in my eyes again. The adrenaline rush from earlier was quickly wearing off, leaving me feeling pretty lousy, worsened by the fact that I couldn’t do anything about our slow progress.

“Just…let me carry you to the car. It’ll be a lot quicker and keep you from getting pneumonia out here.”

Again, I complied. I placed my hands on Jasper’s shoulders and hiked my injured leg up by his hip. As he grabbed my leg, I leaned forward and swung my perfectly healthy leg around to his other hip. He caught it effortlessly, not having to stumble or readjust the combined weight of my body and bookbag. He was no shrimp, but neither was I. Jasper walked as if I wasn’t on his back at all and was able to keep my ankle from jostling around too much. I noted that his hands were, again, carefully placed on my knee pads, avoiding contact with my skin.

I rested my chin on his left shoulder, feeling worn out as the last of my adrenaline faded. I breathed in Jasper’s scent, the same as it had been in the library, and all thoughts in my head dwindled to nothing aside from how nice he smelled. There was that same feeling I always had in the bottom of my stomach, but it was overshadowed by the fog swirling in my head. Why did someone who looked and smelled so nice have to be so rude? But maybe he wasn’t always rude. He was carrying me on his back to his car so he could drive me to the hospital for medical treatment. A mean person wouldn’t do that, unless they had some ulterior motive. Maybe he had an ulterior motive. Oh, whatever. I didn’t have the energy or the brain power to care. I took another deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent and let my head drop.

At my car, Jasper very carefully lowered my left leg to the ground, followed by the right. I leaned against the side of the car, rummaging through my bag for the keys. He helped me into the passenger seat, keeping a hand firmly grasped around my forearm, then lifting my ankle to rest beside the other. For a few seconds, I relaxed against the supple leather seat. It still had that new car smell. Then Jasper hopped into the driver’s seat, and we were on the way to the hospital. If I wasn’t in pain, I might have felt embarrassed that someone who came from a family that drove vintage bikes and brand new Porsches and Volvos was having to drive my old Maxima. Before turning out of the parking lot, he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and hit 1 for speed dial. The other person picked up almost immediately.

“I’m headed up to the hospital with Collins. No, she’s fine, just a fractured ankle. Yes, she’s conscious. No, I don’t think so. Okay, bye.”

Thankfully my ankle fracture had happened after volleyball season, but as I sat and thought about how much my ankle still hurt, the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to play the sport, or any sport, the way I had occurred to me before we hit the main road. The tears came again and started spilling over onto my cheeks. God, it had been a horrible week. Cara and I couldn’t get along, my friends were having a hard time warming up to Matt, I was having a hard time warming up to Matt, and I had very few leads on why Jasper and I couldn’t (or shouldn’t) have skin to skin contact. Weird things were happening at work, again because of the Cullens, and I was getting a little skeeved out by it. And of course, having to spend free period with the one person from school that seemed to despise me was the gift that kept on giving. My ankle throbbed, and I had to clear my throat to muffle a sob. I turned my head towards the window, not wanting Jasper to know that I was upset, though it was pretty obvious. I could feel his eyes on me as I watched all of the greenery whoosh by on the way into town. My body shook slightly from the effort it took to keep from crying.

“Are you okay?” he asked plainly. I swallowed hard, hoping that my voice wouldn’t sound weepy.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said while trying to shift my legs without disturbing my ankle. He didn’t prod any further, but I knew he was still looking my way. Slowly and steadily, the need to cry slipped away and my body stopped shaking. It was like my mood had suddenly improved, like the sun coming out from behind an expanse of clouds. In some detached way, I knew that it wasn’t natural, but it felt so much better. It was the second time I’d felt that way around Jasper.

Forks was a small town, and we arrived at the hospital in about ten minutes. Dr. Cullen was standing at the front doors as we pulled up. I don’t think I’d ever not be surprised by how handsome he looked. Once we stopped, he opened my door and started to help me out of the car. I hoped the cold air would keep my cheeks from flaring up too badly.

“Hello, Miss Walker,” he said in his beautiful voice. “It seems we’ve had a bit of an accident?”

I couldn’t help but smile, now that I was in a much happier mood.

“Yes, doctor. It seems we have.”

I propped myself against the car as he went to retrieve a set of crutches leaning against the building. The icy wind blew relentlessly between the car and the building. In just a few seconds, I was shivering. The ice around my ankle wasn’t helping either.

“Here,” Jasper appeared on my right side, offering me his sweatshirt. I was too cold to let my own pride stand in the way of being slightly more comfortable. His scent was much stronger on the fabric; I tried not to breathe too deeply. It hung almost midway down my thighs and instantly made me feel warmer. I placed the crutches under my arms and tested them out with a few practice steps. Much quicker than having to lean on someone, much slower than being carried.

“That’s the ticket. Let’s get you inside for an x-ray and see how bad the damage is. Jasper can join us in a bit.”

I followed Carlisle through the doors and the foyer of the hospital. Deborah looked up, and after seeing it was me walking in, promptly looked back to her computer screen, clearly uninterested. The farther we walked, the worse I started to feel again. The pain in my ankle only grew until it was near the same level as when I had initially attempted the dive. The last thing I needed was to start crying again in the middle of the hospital.

Deep breaths, blink blink blink. Deep breaths, blink blink blink.

“Luckily, today has been rather slow,” Dr. Cullen commented as he led me through a door marked “Radiology Room.” He helped me hop on the table and prop my leg up before unwrapping the bandage. It felt amazing to have the ice removed, though more feeling started to return to the area. He positioned the machine above my foot and then retreated into the side room where a tech waited to capture the images. They had me turn my leg this way and that until they were satisfied with the results.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he helped me off the table and handed me the crutches back.

“I’m fine. Thank you for getting me seen so quickly. I’m sure you’ve got other patients waiting on you.”

“It’s no problem,” he dismissed me with a wave of his hand. “Having Jasper call on the way helped me to rearrange some things and clear out some time. We’ll get those images read while you wait here. Your sister should be by soon to check on you; she was in a meeting when I left a message on her phone.

I nodded, then plopped down in the chair of the examination room we had just entered. He shut the door behind him, leaving me alone for the first time in the last hour.

Several thoughts occupied my mind as I waited for the tech to diagnose my ankle. First, Jasper wasn’t being an insufferable ass. He wasn’t being the most pleasant, but I was very grateful that he’d been with the nurse when he had and offered to drive me. Second, we had made contact again when he helped me off of the gym floor, and then he had been very careful not to do so after. Third, being around him was getting confusing. I couldn’t be sure which Jasper I’d be getting: the irritable one, the mysterious one from the other day in the library, or the one I had today, who was being helpful. Fourth, and the least pressing, Matt. I hoped he wouldn’t be upset that he hadn’t been the one driving me to the hospital and waiting with me while my x-ray was read.

The most pressing issue was that Jasper had been lying about not knowing what I was talking about when I had confronted him about the “incidents” that happened every time we touched. I wasn’t 100% sure yet, but hoped that I’d be able to gather a little more information in the next few weeks, if only I knew how.

My phone beeped from the pocket of the sweatshirt. It was Matt, checking in on me.

Matt: did u make it?

Me: yeah, waiting on dr rn. had an xray. will keep u upd8ed

There was a knock on the door, then Carr peeked her head around.

“Collins! What happened? Are you okay?”

She let herself in and hopped up onto the bench covered in paper that I hadn’t been able to get on. Her eyes were trained on my ankle where it looked like there was a softball under the skin.

“I dove for a ball in a volleyball match at PE. My foot slipped and,” I gestured to my ankle, “well, that didn’t go too well.”

“Obviously not. How bad does it hurt?”

“About a seven on a scale of one to ten. But it’s kind of come and gone.”

There was another knock on the door, and then Dr. Cullen returned with a series of x-ray images tucked in a manila envelope under his arm.

“Hello ladies,” he addressed us both. Cara’s face immediately lit up and she stood. Dr. Cullen placed the sheets on the light box and dimmed the overhead light so we could see the results. “Collins, it appears that you have, in fact, fractured your ankle.”

He pointed to a thin dark line running across the white bone.

“Yup, definitely felt like a fracture,” I agreed.

“The school nurse did a lovely job wrapping the injury, but it’s still very swollen. I’d recommend a walking boot which will allow you to ice your ankle every so often. However, I think it’d be best if you primarily walked with crutches for the next six to eight weeks. We can reevaluate in three to see how everything is healing and decide if surgery is needed. Would you mind if I had one more look at it?”

I extended my foot so he could get a better look. His fingers gingerly touched the skin around my ankle. It hurt like a son of a gun, but I was more surprised by how cold his hands were. They were just as bad as Jasper’s. The blue and purple bruising was a stark contrast to his pale skin, but I was more focused on Cara, whose eyes were staring dreamily at the doctor. After a moment, he stood and made a note on a little pad at the counter.

“I can write you a prescription for the pain. I’d recommend naproxen for the inflammation and to keep your foot elevated as often as possible. Try to remember to ice it every night for about forty minutes, or as long as you can handle it.”

He ripped a slip of paper from the pad and handed it to Cara. Her eyes still hadn’t blinked and her hands were shaking slightly. Her face split into a smile so big, I thought her cheeks might crack.

“A nurse will be in soon to get you fitted with the boot. Cara, if you’d like, I can go ahead and get that prescription filled at our pharmacy.”

He opened the door and she walked through without giving me another look.

“I’ve let Deborah know that you won’t be in this weekend, so try and get some rest. Jasper will meet you when you check out.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t need Jasper to meet me anywhere and would rather phone a friend to pick me up, but he was gone before I could get the words out. A nurse almost immediately entered with a walking boot and sock. In no time but plenty of pain, my foot was encased in enough plastic to survive getting trampled by a horse. She handed me my crutches and led me out of the door where Jasper was waiting at the counter for me to check out. Luckily, Cara had already given them my insurance information. I handed over my debit card for the copay and intentionally avoided looking at Jasper, who seemed to avoid looking at me.

On the car ride home, I sent out a text to Matt, Angela, and Jess about my new right shoe.

Angela: oh no! so sry that happened. let me kno if u need a ride tmrw!

Jessica: bummer, wat r u gonna do abt the dance? no heels 4 u :(

Matt: i was gonna get ur work from the classes u missed but alice cullen beat me 2 it. i’ll c u tmrw <3

Ugh, the dance. I hadn’t even thought about it until Jess sent that text. I could still go, especially since Matt had already bought the tickets, but I wouldn’t be in any condition to dance all night long, and there was no way I could wear even one heel. I hoped Matt would be okay with that, especially since Alice had robbed him of the opportunity of bringing me my school work. And school! I was going to have to figure out a ride until the boot came off. Driving was completely out of the question for several weeks at the least.

As Jasper pulled into the driveway, I sent a text back to both Angela and Jess.

To Angela: may need 2 take u up on that ride tmrw. thx!

To Jess: need sum cute sandals. any ideas?

I didn’t wait for Jasper to open my door, though I was stuck in the car until he grabbed my crutches from the back and handed them to me. It wasn’t too bad until I got to the stairs. I handed one crutch back to Jasper and grabbed the railing for support. Little paint chips flecked off as I made my way up to the porch. It was too awkward having Jasper walk into my house with me while carrying my backpack. It was like he should only exist within the walls of the school, and outside of them, he shouldn’t. At least not for me. He’d been so rude at times, I didn’t want him invading my own home.

“I think I can make it from here. Is Alice on her way to get you?” I clumsily tried to turn around and nearly tripped. Jasper caught my elbow, helping to steady my balance. So much for getting the hang of these.

“Sure you don’t have a concussion?” he asked facetiously.

“Are you sure you have a heart?” I retorted with an eye roll. He was standing too close, and it reminded me of the other day in the library when I was looking for my book.

“I think the phrase you’re looking for is ‘thanks for taking me to and from the hospital, Jasper.’”

“You’re the one that offered. There were several people that could have taken me,” what good is a nice gesture if someone was going to throw it back in your face?

“Oh like Matthew Reese? You’d still be in the school parking lot hobbling to your car if it were up to him.” There was the barest hint of a smirk on his face. It infuriated me.

So much for being nicer. I hastily grabbed the hem of the sweatshirt and pulled it over my head.

“Here,” I balled it up and pushed it into his chest. His hands caught mine. Uh oh. It happened, again. This time, there were much fewer emotions swirling by. Instead there were only three or so, but they were mixed together to the point that I couldn’t decipher one from the other. There weren’t hundreds racing through my mind, but one that was a combination of several. Whatever it was, I mainly felt it near the pit of my stomach. It was still dizzying; I pitched forward into Jasper’s chest where he caught me and righted my balance once more. I looked up and felt my stomach drop, this time from an emotion that was all my own. His eyes were darker like that time in the library, but I figured it was due to the lack of overhead lighting. I took one inhale through my nose, and suddenly, my brain was clouded. I couldn’t look away from his face, and he wasn’t looking away from mine. Any trace of mirth from his expression was gone. Rather, he was staring at me intensely.

There was a knock on the door. I turned my head, and Jasper took a step back.

“That’s probably Alice,” he said just loud enough for me to hear.

“Come in!” I called from my spot. Alice whooshed through the door, letting in fresh air and a fresh spirit. The clouds faded around my mind.

“How’s your ankle? I heard you have a nasty fracture.”

I indicated the boot around my foot and shrugged.

“Yeah, I’ll be on crutches for a while, but it shouldn’t be too bad. Thank you for bringing all that school work,” I glanced over to Jasper while Alice set my textbooks and papers on the dining room table. He had turned away, but I noticed the muscle in his jaw flexing.

“Oh it’s my pleasure. And if you need a ride, I can come pick you up tomorrow. Ever ridden in a Porsche?” Alice raised her eyebrows excitedly, making me smile.

“No, I haven’t, but Angela’s taking me. Thanks for the offer though. Maybe we can joy ride one day." Alice nodded and turned toward the door.

“Anyway, we’ll let you get some rest. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” I echoed and waved as they exited through the front door.

Chapter 10: whiplash

Chapter Text

Cara ended up letting me stay home from school on Friday. Well, ‘let’ is a strong word, since she can’t force me to go to school, but she suggested it. I spent the weekend avoiding the stairs and trying to figure out the best way to navigate with a bum leg. Showering was the worst obstacle because it was too painful to stand without my boot supporting my leg, so I resorted to lying in the tub. Cara took over more of the cooking and housekeeping while I learned to adjust. On Saturday, Matthew came to check in, followed by Angela, who brought Bella along.

Bella and Angela were supposed to be good friends (Angela’s words), but from my perspective, they rarely ever hung out. Maybe it was because of Bella going zombie-mode for months, or because both of them had boyfriends and less time to spend with each other. But it was apparent, based on the way they interacted in the same space outside of school, that they hadn’t completely mended any bad blood.

“How exactly did this happen anyway? One second you were in government and the next, Matt catches me in the hallway, saying something about you and Jasper going to the hospital.”

The details of my sprain had been glossed over in text. I didn’t have enough messages per month to handle how Angela and Jess would react to the whole thing if I tried to send them the full explanation.

“I dove for a ball during PE. My foot somehow slipped and turned at an odd angle, there was this loud popping noise and the next thing I knew, I was laying on the floor. When Coach radioed down for the nurse, Jasper was with her and he offered to take me to the hospital. He brought me back home afterward, and I’ve been trying to take it easy since then.”

My foot was propped up on a stack of pillows on my bed. Angela sat at the end and examined the ACE bandage. Bella stood near the door, her arms crossed protectively across her body. She didn’t look my way, and I wondered if it was the absence of her boyfriend or being in my room that caused her to seem so uncomfortable. Instead, her eyes were focused on the balcony door. From where she stood, she could probably see her house.

“Edward was with Jasper when they got to the gym. They looked like they’d been arguing but I wasn’t sure. You wouldn’t happen to know what they were doing, would you, Bella?”

Bella’s eyes flitted over to me, then blinked a few times, as if she was returning from a different world.

“Um, I don’t really know. I wasn’t with him,” she swallowed hard. Her eyes moved away again.

“I actually saw them talking about something in the hallway the other day. They were definitely fighting then.” I didn’t bother asking another question that I knew she’d avoid. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it and shrugged, blinking a few times. Angela turned to her, then back to me again like she was missing out on something.

“I’m sure they fight every once in a while. It seems like Joshua and Isaac never stop fighting,” she laughed. I smiled and nodded, but knew this wasn’t your average sibling squabble. Whatever it’d been about had something to do with me, I was certain of that at least.

“Jess is wondering what you’re going to do about the dance. You’re still going, aren’t you?” Angela asked.

“Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise. I’ll have to borrow some of her sandals because I don’t think heels would pair well with this," I gestured to my lame foot.

We wrapped up the visit a few minutes later when Bella mentioned that she needed to get home, due to the Charlie-imposed grounding that she was still subject to. I wondered how long she was punished for, considering she had run away, no matter how briefly, to Italy and then returned with her estranged boyfriend. The whole story Angela had told me seemed too random. Bella goes to Italy and magically finds Edward and his family, who decides to then return to Forks? And why had they left anyway if they were going to come back in a few months? Sure they were stupid rich, but it didn’t make a lot of sense to me even then. Maybe if I were stupid rich, it would.

Minutes after Bella and Angela left, someone else knocked on the door. I was in the middle of heating up a can of ravioli in the microwave, one of the few things accessible to me in my current state. I thought it might be Matthew again, coming by to make sure I was still okay and didn’t need any help maneuvering around the house, or Cara, who was out doing a large grocery trip since we weren’t both making our occasional stops by the store like usual. But as I opened the door, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Jasper Hale was standing on my front porch, looking windswept from the chilly weather.

A couple of things occurred to me simultaneously: one, that it was freezing outside. I couldn’t be sure if the chill bumps on my arms were from the low temperature or the new visitor. Two, that Jasper looked just as fine on the weekends as he did during weekdays. Even better, almost. And three, I was looking rode hard and put up wet. Hair in a bun. Tattered sweatpants. Old Beta Club t-shirt. No bra .

“What are you doing here?” All southern hospitality had left my voice as I tried to cross my arms over my chest while still propping myself up on a single crutch. The microwave beeped behind me but neither of us paid it any mind.

“I’m supposed to be tutoring you in calculus; you’re two days behind. We have a test this week, or have you forgotten due to your concussion?”

“I don’t have a concussion,” the words exited through gritted teeth, but I opened the door wider to let him in. He walked over the threshold and stopped in the foyer, looking up the stairs curiously. “We can set up at the kitchen table. I don’t feel like walking up the stairs right now.”

I also didn’t feel like being alone with him in my room. Standing close together by the front door was enough to make my stomach twitch and my heartbeat quicken. I grabbed a jacket off the hooks by the door and pulled it on, thinking back to the sweatshirt he’d let me borrow and how nice it’d smelled. Mine just smelled like Persil laundry detergent and Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume. While Jasper unpacked his book bag onto the table, I grabbed my piping hot ravioli out of the microwave and set it on the counter, then hobbled over to the cabinet and grabbed a glass. Before I could make it to the fridge, Jasper was up and opening it.

“What are you drinking?” His tone was short and impatient.

“Uh, tea. Do you want anything to eat or drink?” An image of Momma popped into my head. I could hear her now, saying that you always offered something to a guest, whether they were agreeable or not. Especially if not. But he just shook his head and poured a glass of tea for me.

“Already ate.”

So while Jasper gave me the condensed version of the last two calculus classes, I quickly scarfed down Chef Boyardee’s finest, sipped on my tea, and wrote down the high points of the chapter. I liked listening to Jasper talk when he didn’t have a bad attitude. It reminded me a little of home. His eyes were looking brighter today under the kitchen lights, and there was a flush to his usually pale cheeks. The sunken shadows under his eyes were all but gone. Perhaps the migraine medicine was working.

Once the last ravioli was eaten and the final sentence from the review was written, we started on a round of practice logarithmic problems. I had known they would be difficult before we even began the review.

“You should have used the product rule here to combine both equations before setting them equal to the other.”

This was the hardest chapter we’d covered yet, and the semester was far from over. At this rate, Jasper would be tutoring me until graduation. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and went to remove the ponytail holder that was starting to give me a headache (or perhaps, it was the math giving me the headache). I shook my hair out and drug my fingers through it, hoping to ease the tension. I watched as Jasper’s hand clenched into a fist so tightly, his arm shook. His jaw flexed while his eyes snapped shut.

“Hey, are you alright? Is it a migraine?”

He didn’t respond, just sat there with his muscles as tense as a compressed spring. My fingers inched towards his hand in what would have been a concerned gesture, but he snatched his fist out of reach.

“I’m fine, just a minor headache.” He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, gritted his teeth, and rewrote the correct solution for the problem I’d missed.

I stood and grabbed a crutch, then slowly ambled to the downstairs bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Jasper asked, sounding slightly irritated.

“To pee. I’m sure I can manage on my own, thank you,” I glanced back in time to see a look of surprise and embarrassment cross his face. It brought me the greatest joy. In the bathroom, after washing my hands, I opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror and grabbed a bottle of Excedrin, shook two pills into my hand, and returned to the table.

“Here,” I said, placing the two white caplets in front of him. “These should help. Don’t worry; it’s nothing illegal, just aspirin, acetaminophen, and caffeine.”

His mouth quirked into a curious smile, almost as if he was amused that I’d fetched him headache medicine.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said as he popped both pills in his mouth and chased them with a swig of tea from my glass.

☽●☾

By Sunday night, I was going stir crazy from being mostly alone in the house with a bum leg. Alice had texted and offered to give me a ride since Friday hadn’t panned out. I was not only excited to ride in a brand new Porsche, but the idea of getting to see Matt, Angela, Jess, and even Bella had me practically skipping out of bed. Well, as much as one can skip with crutches and a walking boot. It was too cold to wear capris, so I settled with fitting my stylish new shoe under a pair of very flared jeans. My heavy sweater and rain jacket at least added some cushioning for my armpits, which were getting sore from all the crutch usage, though it was annoying to have my backpack slap against my back with each lurch, especially on the stairs.

At seven-ten sharp, the shiny, canary yellow sports car pulled up to the yard and let out a high pitched ‘ honk!’ It looked so much nicer up close than from across the senior lot. As I walked out of the front door, Alice met me and took a crutch and my bag to lighten the load on the way down the steps. The exterior had been polished to an impeccable gleam, the leather seats were soft and supple. It smelled like a new car and whatever perfume Alice aways wore, something sweet and a little spicy. Forks Hospital must be paying Carlisle a fat check.

“How’ve you been?” Alice asked as she slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. It purred beautifully without any hiccups or stalls. The same couldn’t be said for my car. As we passed Bella’s house, I noted that Edward’s Volvo was pulling into the drive.

“A little lonely. Mostly trying to get used to moving around on one foot. What about you? How was your weekend?”

“We went on a short camping trip Friday, came back on Saturday morning. It was nice getting away for a while.”

I had wondered if Alice would stop by since everyone else except Jessica had, and that was mainly because she had so much college coursework to finish. Camping in this weather sounded absolutely horrible. Camping in good conditions wasn’t really a Walker family tradition either, unless it included a cabin with electricity and hot water. How else would my momma fix her hair?

Alice usually talked nonstop, but today she seemed more reserved. Her ever present smile drooped and her eyes were fixed at a spot far off in the distance rather than the road in front of us. She was speeding too, but not so much that I worried. Her driving was perfect anyway, and if I had a Porsche, I’d probably speed all the time, too.

“Alice, how long did you say ya’ll’ve been living in Forks?”

Angela had told me about the Cullens leaving Forks for a couple of months, but none of them had ever mentioned it since then. If any of them would give me details about their departure, it would be Alice. Edward would probably stare into my soul; Jasper would likely ignore the question. But people moved all the time, right? Military families left and came back and then left again. Surely there wasn’t some nefarious reason behind it all.

“We’ve been here almost two years, minus the four months Carlisle took a job in LA.”

“Oh what was that like? Moving to a bigger city after living here.”

“It was difficult. Most of us didn’t want to move, but we were overruled by Carlisle and Edward.”

Edward . At this point, he was my least favorite Cullen, which was saying something considering how Jasper and I got along. But we could occasionally be civil when necessary. Edward made that uneasy feeling in my stomach about three times worse whenever I saw him at lunch or between classes, and I think he knew it.

“I was elated when it was decided we’d move back. LA was a little…busy for my taste.”

“Is that why Edward went to Italy?”

It wasn’t exactly a secret that Bella had tracked down Edward in Italy. Angela and Jess knew, since Bella was grounded for the foreseeable future as a result. It just seemed like one of those things you don’t bring up for fear of being rude. I hoped that Alice wouldn’t be too put out by my asking that she’d not answer. The far off look in her eyes faded and her attention focused back on the road. One corner of her mouth twitched up into a smile.

“Edward spent some time studying abroad there as part of a school program. Bella and I had been communicating via email while we were out of state. She decided to fly out in hopes of winning Edward back.”

“And that worked?”

She nodded her head yes just as we pulled into the senior parking lot of the high school. The idea of flying out to another country solo in order to get a boy to move back to his previous home, after four months of being away, sounded absolutely unhinged. And the fact that the entire Cullen family had moved back was even more ludicrous. I didn’t press any further for answers, mostly because we’d run out of time. Angela, Eric, and Tyler were standing around Mike’s Tahoe, talking and laughing. I thanked Alice for the ride and started on my slow journey to my other friend group. She didn’t follow.

“What’s up, Dixie chick?” Tyler, who had been hanging around Mike and Eric a lot more lately, waved as I approached.

“Nothing much, just hopping around with these things.”

I balanced on one leg and held my crutches up. Cold wind blew the hair out of my face and mist into it. The sun hadn’t made an appearance in weeks; I started to wonder if it ever would again. As I settled the crutches back, an arm wrapped around my waist as someone came up from behind. I lost my balance for a second and nearly brought both myself and the other person down. It was Matthew.

“Woah, careful there,” he kept his arm around me, helping to steady us. “Haven’t quite gotten used to having one usable leg, have you?”

A twinge of irritation made me squint my eyes in his direction.

“I think she’d be doing fine if no one had snuck up on her,” Angela quipped. It was rare that Angela ever got short with anyone, but her tone was less than friendly.

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to do that. Can we get inside? It’s colder than a witch’s teat out here.”

☽●☾

Matt insisted on carrying my bookbag to and from every class. I didn’t mind too much, as it got a little old having my books hit my back with each lurching step. Jessica had seen us in the hallway before calculus, and waggled her eyebrows. She may be the only one of my friends that actively supported Matthew and me, but she was doing the work of three people.

Gym was torture.

As much as I loved reading, I’d loved playing volleyball each day too, but Coach relegated me to sitting on the bleachers with a book or schoolwork. At the very least, I’d be done with The Count of Monte Cristo soon if watching my classmates play didn’t distract me so much. Abbigail took my spot with Lily, Megan, and Ashley. I was trying to tear my eyes away when my phone buzzed.

Int’l Txt Message

Momma

I’m sorry we didn’t call this weekend. How is your ankle? Hopefully I can call tomorrow before you get to school. Love, Mom.

Momma had spoken with Cara sometime Friday about my hospital visit since it would be billed to their insurance, but since then, they hadn’t called or texted. It could get expensive, but I had hoped to hear from them a little more now that they were so far away, especially since I’d gotten hurt. I was sure they’d been busy getting settled, unloading boxes, exploring the city, and meeting new people. Maybe they would call tomorrow or at least sometime before this weekend so we could catch up on everything from my grades to the upcoming dance. When it came to Cara, Momma and Daddy had always been attentive. They showed up to every softball game, every award presentation, every special event. I was there, too, whether I wanted to be or not. Then, when I started playing volleyball, things started to get much busier in our lives. I had a school trip, Cara was home from college. I had a volleyball game, dad had a work dinner. It was always something. And more often than not, that something didn’t include me. Maybe I was a little bitter, but it seemed typical that they hadn’t called and had only just now texted.

☽●☾

Matthew sat with our table at lunch, again. He was doting more than usual, though I still didn’t mind him carrying my bag because it made it so much easier to limp from class to class. Normally, Alice or Jasper would sit to my left at lunch depending on who she wanted to talk to more. Matthew took that seat, completely oblivious to the death glare that Alice aimed in his direction. I mouthed a “sorry” to her, but she didn’t react as her eyes shifted away and focused on something over my left shoulder. I’d intended to turn and look too, but Matt caught my attention, bringing up the idea to double date before the dance on Friday. Angela and Eric were both reluctant to agree.

“We can get ready at my house if you guys want,” Angela offered to me and Jess. I nodded, then remembered how Alice had missed out on dress shopping.

“Do you wanna come, too?” I asked Alice, who had returned to the present conversation. Her face brightened back to its usual glow and her mouth spread into a grin.

“I’d love that.”

I knew without looking that Jessica was giving me “that look” and that Angela wasn’t. Jess had mentioned that she thought Alice was a little “off” or “unusual” but I thought those same qualities made her unique.

☽●☾

Jasper was back to his normal moody self. Whatever headway we’d made on Thursday and Friday and disappeared over the rest of the weekend. It made me even more nervous about the upcoming test on Wednesday. What if Jasper was intentionally trying to psych me out? What if I bombed the test because I wasn’t prepared enough? Normally, you could vent these concerns to your tutor, but when I had tried on Tuesday, he’d just shrugged and silently continued to paraphrase the section we’d moved on to. It was maddening.

Before the test that Wednesday, Matthew wished me good luck before seeing me off to class.

“You’ll be fine. And then afterwards, we can celebrate with ice cream tonight. And if by some freak accident, you don’t do as well as you thought you would, we can still get ice cream.”

I nodded my head, not really hearing what he said or registering when he lightly kissed me before walking to his own class. Just then, Jasper walked past me into the classroom, very obviously rolling his eyes on the way in.

When the test papers were passed out, I thought I’d throw up. Even if I did know how to perform the calculations, I couldn’t concentrate well enough to show that. My eyes scanned the words and numbers but it all seemed like gibberish. I looked up and around the room. Mr. Savrda was watching from his podium to ensure no one cheated. He gave me a small smile and a nod of his head. I then glanced over at Jasper, whose hand was flying across the page without pausing. He was clearly doing fine. Back at the paper, only some of it was starting to make sense as I took deep steadying breaths. Time was ticking, and before I knew it, my 45 minutes had turned into 20. Some of my classmates were done while I began attempting to finish the first problem. Just as I thought all hope was lost, my heartbeat started to calm down ever so slightly until it no longer felt like I’d been running a marathon. The questions on the paper were making more sense once I was able to focus. Wait, I totally knew how to work these problems! I had less than half of my test time left, but felt more and more confident that I could pass as I moved on from one to two, then from two to three.

“That’s time! Everyone put your pencils, flip your papers over, and begin passing your papers forward.”

I'd just written the last number when he'd called time. I could breathe much easier knowing that the first test post tutoring was done.

"Miss Walker, if you would wait just a moment."

I paused and looked around for support. A few students looked my way with sympathetic glances. Jasper too, though there was anything but sympathy in his eyes. I slowly turned around and carefully walked to his desk, not bothering to grab my crutches.

"Yes sir?"

"If you'll wait just a moment, I can go ahead and grade your test. I'd like to know sooner rather than later if you should be moved to a different class."

He whipped out a red pen and began scanning my test paper. My stomach twisted into knots as he made a few marks on number one. I closed my eyes, unable to watch until he was finished. What should take no more than a few minutes felt like it was taking hours and hours. The sound of my own shallow breathing, the ticking of the clock, and the scratch of the red pen were all I could hear. Then, smallest slip of him putting the paper back on the desk. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe what I saw.

90, A-

A sigh of relief whooshed out of my lungs. My stomach suddenly felt unknotted.

"Miss Walker, you seem to be improving nicely, but I think it'll be best to continue with the tutoring. Would you agree?"

I thought about how Jasper couldn't decide if he hated me or not and pondered what would happen if I insisted on having a different tutor or dropping it altogether and praying that I passed the AP exam. I'd had perfect straight As until this semester; would it be too risky?

"I think so. Thank you, sir."

Outside in the hallway, Jasper was just putting a book in his locker and swinging it shut. I hobbled as quickly as I could and called out his name as he turned to walk in the opposite direction. He stopped mid turn and looked over his shoulder at me with one eyebrow raised, partly in question, partly in annoyance. The words I'd planned on saying struggled to claw the rest of the way out of my throat. Sometimes, I forgot how gorgeous he was. Sometimes, like now, I remembered, along with the fact that he seemingly couldn't stand me most of the time.

"Um, I made a ninety on the test. I wanted to thank you for your help this weekend and say that I think we make a pretty good math team."

It sounded cheesy but I was hopeful it'd at least get him to smile, something other than his current expression. Instead, his lips pursed together tightly and he turned back around, and walked away, leaving me standing alone.

I'm so sorry this chapter has taken so long to write and even sorrier that its not as substantial as others. HOWEVER, there are big things coming that I've been working on (later chapters) and I think they'll more than make up for it. Happy reading!

Chapter 11: I hope you dance

Chapter Text

That afternoon, Matthew met me on the way to Angela’s car. We had missed each other throughout the school day, especially since I skipped lunch to spend time getting a head start on the next calculus unit.

“How do you think you did?” He asked as I loaded my bag into the back seat.

“Mr. Savrda graded my test right away. I made a ninety.”

“That’s amazing! I knew you could do it!”

Matthew pulled me into a tight hug, which I gratefully returned. It was nice to have someone to hug. He planted a quick kiss on my cheek before taking a step back.

“I’m glad you’re happy. Jasper acted like he couldn’t care less.”

I had expected Matt to be irritated on my behalf. What I didn’t expect was him to be irritated at me.

“You told Jasper about your grade before you told me?”

His eyes were a mix of hurt and anger, something I hadn’t seen from him in the past two weeks. My stomach plummeted. It’d never occurred to me that Matthew would be jealous of Jasper when the only reason Jasper and I tolerated each other was because it’d been mandated by a teacher.

“Yeah…I saw him in the hallway right after Mr. Savrda graded it. He is my tutor afterall.” Perhaps if we talked it out, he’d realize that it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, he pushed his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders.

“I was just hoping that I’d be the first person you’d tell. Does this mean that you don’t have to spend your lunch in the library with him anymore?”

I chose my next words carefully so as to not cause more damage than I already had.

“No…not really. Mr. Savrda wants us to keep meeting indefinitely.” His face didn’t lighten up any. “Look Matthew, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you first. I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that Mr. Savrda likes to meet with both of us so that he can hold us accountable: Jasper for tutoring well and me for paying attention. I’ll make sure you’re the first to know after my next test, okay?”

That seemed to placate him enough that the cloud over his face lifted. Overhead, the clouds only darkened as thunder rumbled, promising yet another afternoon of rain.

“Okay, that sounds fair. Still want to meet for ice cream tonight?”

“Yes please. Pick me up at six?”

“I’ll be there.”

He planted another small kiss on my lips and turned to head to his car. Angela and Jessica who had been standing by the school doors headed to my car. I figured they wanted to discuss more about the dance, which would take way too many texts or way too long of a phone call. None of us could spare the minutes, and Cara would bark at me for hogging the phone if I used the landline.

“Okay, so, totally rude inviting Alice Cullen to get ready at Angela’s house without consulting her.” Jessica placed a hand on her hip and co*cked it to the side. I turned my attention to Angela, who nearly lost her gum with her mouth agape like it was.

“I don’t mind if Alice comes over! You’re the only one that has a problem with her,” Angela angrily whispered, furiously twisting her head this way and that to make sure none of the Cullens were in hearing range. It appeared that they were long gone already.

“Well, duh. She’s kind of weird,” Jessica said, then raised her eyebrows as if we were the crazy ones for not agreeing with her.

“Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t bring it up to anyone else first. But I just thought she’d like to hang out with us since she missed the dress shopping trip. Besides, Alice has been nothing but nice to me since I’ve moved here.”

Angela had used words like ‘strong willed’ and ‘determined’ when describing Jessica after we’d met. I was steadily learning that what she’d really like to say was ‘stubborn.’ What Jessica had yet to realize, was that I’d spent the last eighteen years cultivating an equally stubborn and headstrong personality.

“It’ll be fine,” Angela stepped in before either Jess or I could say anything else. “Besides, Alice probably has some amazing fashion advice she can give us while we’re getting ready. You know she’s won best dressed two years in a row.”

That seemed to satisfy Jessica enough. She reminded us about the nail appointment we’d all booked on Saturday at noon before heading to her own car. For the first few moments of the car ride to the hospital, neither Angels nor I said anything. I was feeling guilty about inviting someone to her house without asking on top of not telling Matt about my test. Finally I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“I’m sorry about inviting Alice without asking you first. Jessica’s right; it’s pretty rude.”

Angela flipped between the stations on her radio before landing on soft rock. An acoustic Bon Jovi song filled the air.

“It’s not a problem, Collins. Really. Jessica has had a hang up about the Cullens ever since she asked out Edward, and he turned her down. She does think they’re a little weird, but I doubt she’d make such a big deal about it if that hadn’t happened.”

I nodded my head along, feeling a little bit better.

“Well anyway, I’m still sorry, but I think we’ll have a good time.”

“I agree. It kind of reminds me of last year's prom. Bella had broken her leg in this freak accident and now you’re in a boot too.”

This wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned ‘Bella’ and ‘freak accident’ in the same sentence, but it was the first time someone had mentioned her breaking her leg last year.

“What was the freak accident?” I tried to ask nonchalantly. My mind conjured images of Edward being the real accident. What if he’d done something to hurt her? He had been giving me weird vibes at lunch for almost a whole month now.

“I’m not sure; something about tripping down stairs when she and Edward went to visit her mom in Phoenix, I think?”

A slice of fear spread across my stomach. So Edward had at least been present when the accident had happened. The guy creeped me out for reasons I hadn’t figured out yet, though it probably had to do with the way he looked at me. Like he knew what I was thinking at any given moment. Bella had probably gone to a hospital near the accident, but that didn’t mean Forks Hospital wouldn’t have received those records at some point.
Deborah was on it the second I walked through the doors. There was an exceptionally long list of visits from that day that needed to be recorded and a handful of phone calls that needed to be made to reschedule some appointments. The idea to take a peek at Bella’s file popped up in my mind on more than one occasion, but I kept attempting to push it out of my head. Her dad was the chief of police for Forks; surely he would have noticed if something was off about Edward and Bella’s relationship. Even still, the idea continued to linger until I couldn’t resist it anymore. I needed a stack of files to record into the computer anyway.

The beginning of her file held the usual papers: copy of birth certificate, immunization records, a list of foods, plants, and medication that she was allergic to, and so on. It was a thicker file, with notes on doctor’s visits from adolescence until young adulthood. Bella, it appeared, was an extremely clumsy person. At the very end was the paper I had been searching for. It was a fax from a hospital in California, where she had received medical treatment following a trip down several flights of stairs and-

I reread the previous sentence, believing that my eyes had misread.

-falling out of a window?!

How could someone manage to fall down stairs and then out of a window all in the same event? It’s almost like someone would have to try to make that happen. Or, would lie to cover up the truth. It wasn’t much to go on, but the information stayed imprinted into my brain long after locking the filing closet back and beginning on the fresh stack of files.

☽●☾

“He finally asked me! I mean, of course he did, but I was starting to think it wasn’t going to happen,” Jessica squealed, nearly knocking over the bowl of warm water her fingers were soaking in. Her manicurist shot her an irritated look before walking away to grab her supplies. The smell of acetone, acrylic, and nail polish burned my nose with every inhale. I loved it. It’d been forever since I’d gotten my nails done, especially with a group of friends. Jess and Angela sat on either side of me at a row of nail stations, waiting for our cuticles to soften. Jessica had picked a deep burgundy shade, Angela a nude, and I, a classic French manicure. Mike had just sent a text to Jess, asking if she’d like to go to the dance with him since neither of them had a date. Neither Angela nor I pointed out that he had literally waited until the last minute. She was too excited for us to throw a proverbial wet blanket on her.
“Are we still wanting to do a group date before the dance? Like dinner at the diner or something like that?” Angela asked from my right.

“Matt and I are,” I replied as my manicurist started shaping my nails. Just then, my phone started ringing. I hit the ‘answer’ button and positioned the phone between my shoulder and ear as Jess and Angela continued to make plans about dinner.

“Hello?” I answered, wishing I’d taken the time to check the caller ID.

“Hey, biotch, why haven’t you called me in the last month to let me know you haven’t been mauled to death by bears?”

My face immediately erupted into a smile. It was Bethany. We hadn’t talked other than a few text messages here and there because she was notorious for running out of her monthly allotment only half way through her billing cycle. I used to kid that it would be more cost effective for us to write letters.

“Hey, Bethany,” I laughed back. “No, I haven’t been mauled by bears, but I have landed myself in a walking boot from a volleyball accident. That’s more or less the same thing, right?”

“Ohmigosh, tell me everything.”

I spent the next twenty minutes juggling the cell phone between my one shoulder and the other while filling in Bethany about everything that had happened since moving to Forks, from needing a calculus tutor to getting a job at the hospital. I even mentioned Matt and the Valentine’s dance.

“So this Matt guy, what’s he like?”

“He’s very sweet. Super doting and always offering to walk me to and from class and carry my books, especially since I’ve been on crutches,” I described.

“Hm, not gonna lie, he kind of sounds like a golden retriever. Is he cute?”

“Well yeah,” I said, laughing at her bluntness. “He’s got brown hair and really nice green eyes.”

“Hm, I guess he does sound cute. What about your math tutor? Can you set me up with him if I come visit?”
I had let it slip that Jasper, though he had been unsavory, was nice eye candy. The idea of setting him up with anyone made my stomach roll uncomfortably.

“He’s a total ass. Trust me.”

After a few minutes more of chatting and me promising to start emailing her to set up a visit soon, Bethany ended the call. I stretched my neck and placed the cell phone back in my purse, hoping no one else would call while my hands were occupied.

☽●☾

“What do you think about these?”

It stands to reason that someone who lives in a state where it rains 60% of the year wouldn’t have very many pairs of sandals. Jessica Stanley was immune to such logic. She’d brought at least 10 pairs in various colors and finishes, and those were just the ones I saw before settling on one pair.

“Think these’ll work just fine. Thanks for letting me borrow them.”

“Ugh, don't even mention it. I just hate that you didn’t get to wear those gorgeous heels you got the other day.”

She was right; the heels I’d bought had been the perfect shade and would’ve made my legs look amazing if I hadn’t broken my ankle. The sandals she’d lent me were white with a gladiator style. It was the only shoe so far that felt comfortable matched with my boot. I sat back down on Angela’s bed to begin curling my hair, while Angela and Jess sat in front of the vanity, pinning their hair up into simple updos. Alice was supposed to be here any minute. When the front door bell rang, Angela hopped up to grab it.

“I can’t believe she’s here,” Jess commented as Angela walked out of the room. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her outside of school. They like, never go to school events or just hang around town.”

I nearly burned my thumb while wrapping hair around the heated barrel.

“Really?” I whispered back. “Why is that?”

She just shrugged her shoulders, more focused on jabbing a bobby pin into her hair at the right angle than my investigation of the Cullen family. A family of five foster kids that all looked vaguely familiar— but at the same time, not really— and kept to themselves was just a bit of a red flag. However, I didn’t want to think badly about Alice since she’d become my friend.

“Hi!” her crystal clear voice rang from the door of the room as she walked in carrying a garment back over her shoulder and a black case in the other. I waved in her direction, as my head was now co*cked to one side with the curling iron dangerously close to my scalp. “Do you need some help with your hair?”

“Yes, please,” I handed her the iron as she walked in. I had been curling the back of my head purely by feeling which strands were still straight and which weren’t, though I was sure I’d missed some pieces. Alice sat behind me and started where I had left off.

“Do you want me to hang up your dress so it doesn’t get wrinkled?” Angela offered. Angela was always so attuned to other people, anticipating what they needed before I did.

“Sure! Thank you so much.”

I looked over to see what Alice Cullen, the official best dressed of Forks High had selected as her outfit tonight. As Angela removed the hanger, Jess and I both let our jaws hit the floor. The dress was a mini black frock that sparkled from the small black jewels that covered the entirety of it.

“Is that a-”

“Dolce&Gabanna?”

“Yes! I love looking at their clothing in magazines! I’ve begged my mom to let me get one of their dresses for Christmas but she absolutely refuses.”

Jessica had abandoned her hairstyling and stood up to examine the garment with the utmost reverence. He

“Oh, that one’s from two seasons ago. I wouldn’t miss it if you wanted to have it after tonight.”

I’d seen D&G clothes in magazines too. That dress was easily a couple thousand dollars, not including the red bottomed shoes she’d brought to go with it.

“Are you freaking serious?” Jessica asked in an excited whisper. Alice nodded like it was no big deal. I guess it wasn’t, if they were as rich as Angela had said. For the first time, Jess was looking at Alice as if they may have the potential to be friends, despite the fact that the dress most likely wouldn’t fit Jess.

“Hey, is Jasper coming to the dance?” I tried to ask nonchalantly. I didn’t really care if he wasn’t there, but if he was, it’d be best to avoid him to prevent the night from turning sour.

“I don’t think so. It’s not really his thing.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as she finished the last strand of hair, though some small part of me was disappointed. My words to Bethany earlier had described Jasper as eye candy and eye candy only, given his tendency to have mood swings as often as migraines.

Alice offered to do my makeup, seeing as hers was already done. I noticed that her hands were just as cold as Jaspers tended to be as she rested one on my cheek to smudge a deep brown shade of eye shadow over my lid. Alice’s emotions had always been generally happy and optimistic, though that had recently changed. She was vaguely anxious about something, as if she didn’t know what exactly she should be afraid of.

“Your hands are freezing,” I hissed through gritted teeth, trying not to move my mouth. “Poor circulation?”

“Huh?” Her perfect brows furrowed in question. “Oh, that. No, just anemic I’m afraid.”

Hm, I hadn’t seen anything like that in her medical records, though that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Perhaps Carlisle had diagnosed it outside of the clinic.

The clock was approaching five when Alice finished with my face. It was time to start getting dressed, as the guys would be there any minute to pick us up. Once I stepped into my dress, sprayed my upside down head with hair spray and shook it out, and slipped into my lone sandal, Alice allowed me to look in the mirror at her work.

“Woah,” I whispered. My makeup had never looked so perfect, but it stood to reason that Alice was good at makeup; her own was always done to a T. And the dress…I’d almost forgotten how great it had looked. My hair framed my face in a halo of curls, held in place by the generous hairspray. I looked like Carrie Underwood, winning American Idol.

“Oh I almost forgot!” Alice said from beside me as she donned her earrings. “I brought you something.”

I watched as she produced a small white box. Underneath the top lay a pair of delicate vintage white lace gloves. I was almost afraid to put them on for fear of tearing the thin material.

“Alice,” I breathed,”where did you get these? I can’t…You shouldn’t…”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I saw them at this little thrift store I frequent and just knew they’d look perfect with your dress. Aren’t they amazing?”

All I could do was nod my head and run my hands over the beautiful gift.

☽●☾

“You look fantastic,” Matt whispered to me for what must have been the fifth time as we walked up to the doors of the venue downtown. Dinner had thankfully gone smoothly between all three of us couples. Matt had finally gotten better at finding a common topic of conversation with most everyone in our friend group, even Eric, who couldn’t have been more different than him. I shivered in the cold night air and wished I’d brought a more substantial jacket instead of a wrap.

Inside, the lights were turned down low so that the spotlights could really shine. Pink, purple, red, and white decorations covered every inch of wall and ceiling. Balloons, streamers, and even confetti were strewn all over the place. Large heart candle holders sat in the middle of each table. Music played loudly from the speakers near the DJ’ corner, making my chest vibrate with every beat of the drum. Most of the school was already here, milling around and sitting at tables. We spotted Angela and Jess and headed in their direction.

“Let’s dance!” Eric shouted over the music, grabbing Angela’s hand and walking out onto the dance floor. Just as I had suspected, my boot made dancing a little more than awkward.

“Sorry,” I apologized each time my foot knocked into Matt’s. We were having luck with slower songs that only required rhythmic swaying instead of fast movements. Matt didn’t seem to mind, especially since I had to stand close to him to keep my balance without my crutches. I’d decided to leave them at home since we would only be out for a couple of hours. Alice, who to my knowledge hadn’t secured a date, stood on the outskirts of the crowd, seemingly surveying all of the dancers.

Matt’s hand on my waist slowly made its way down a few inches.

“Stop it,” I hissed, laughing a little but sincerely hoping no one had seen.

“What? Why?” he asked, as if he genuinely didn’t know what he had done wrong.

“Trying to put your hand on my ass in the middle of God and everybody is trashy,” I said in a half whisper, feeling a little irritated that he asked for a reason why. First of all, I didn’t need a reason. And second, the reason was pretty obvious. He was annoyed and a little angry, the feelings evident on his face and through his skin, but at least he didn’t protest. My insides squirmed a little, though I tried to ignore the feeling. We hadn’t exactly established boundaries yet, and maybe it was my fault that he hadn’t known that wasn’t okay. After about six songs, my ankle started to throb painfully in its boot. Leaving the crutches at home hadn’t exactly been congruent with doctor’s orders, and I could now see why. As we sat down to take a break, Matt offered to grab us a drink, which I gratefully accepted.

I tried to ignore the pain in my leg and spent a few minutes people watching. Angela and Eric were still on the dance floor, looking adorable. Jess and Mike were nowhere to be found, and I was not about to go looking for them. Matthew stood by the refreshments table, his back turned to me as he was talking to one of his team mates. As my eyes scanned the rest of the room, a pale figure in the corner caught my attention.

I took one look at Jasper Hale and immediately regretted it.

He was standing by the door as if he’d just walked in, dressed from head to toe in black. His eyes slowly scanned the room until they landed on me. I gulped as our eyes met, then glanced away, as if I hadn’t noticed him, but the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end. He was walking my way, I knew it. I felt it. Unable to just sit there and wait, I stood and looked towards the refreshment table, but didn’t see Matthew. Even if I had, it was too late. I couldn’t exactly make a speedy getaway in my boot, and Jasper was already less than a few yards away. Then, he was directly in front of me, close enough to touch. My skin prickled at the idea.

“Ol’ Loverboy stand you up?” he asked with just a hint of teasing. Jasper was always on edge, back straight, eyes focused. Now, his posture was more relaxed and his eyes were trained on one thing: me. No matter how handsome he looked, the question ruffled my feathers.

“He’s getting drinks. What made you decide to show up? Alice told me this wasn’t your thing.”

“Valentine’s Day isn’t my thing. I like dancing all right, though I’m accustomed to music that’s a little more…country. And a little slower.”

I imagined Jasper square dancing in a bustling saloon somewhere around Houston, but the image didn’t fit. If anything, it was a bit comical. He was too serious, too stoic, even in his somewhat relaxed mood.

“I’m more for slow dancing myself. It’s easier in this,” I gestured towards my right foot and tried very hard not to think about mine and Matthew’s laughable attempt at anything above a crawl on the dance floor. The song that had just started was slow, perfect for injured friendly swaying in one spot, if only Matt would hurry up. My heart was beating out a fast rhythm the longer that I had to talk to Jasper. He had been aloof all week, choosing to talk only when absolutely necessary, and completely blowing me off after our test.

“Care for one of those slow dances with me?”

I blinked, not knowing if what I’d heard and seen were reality or a figment of my imagination. It sounded like Jasper had asked me to dance, and it looked like he was offering his hand out to me. Those two things would’ve made a lot more sense if he hadn’t acted so dodgy and uninterested in any interactions with me this past week. And now he had the audacity to stand there, looking like a ten, and ask if I’d like to dance?

I bit my tongue in thought.

Oh, there was a rational part of my brain saying that it was a bad idea and that it might piss Matthew off. That was the same part of my brain that held a grudge for every snide comment he’d made, every eye roll, every time he acted like I had the plague. But the other less logical part of my brain reminded me of the butterflies I’d felt—and currently felt—whenever he was near. Of how helpful he had been when taking me to the hospital, even if he’d gotten on my nerves right after. And, though less importantly so, how good he always smelled. My eyes glanced over his outstretched arm. His hand looked worn and rough, like he was used to working outside rather than with pen and paper in a library. Despite the roughness, they were nicely balanced hands with long, slender fingers, the same that had been known to do unusual things to my head. But perhaps the thin lace material of my gloves would be enough to prevent that from happening now. I extended my hand and let it rest in his palm.

Nothing.

For the first time, my skin was touching Jasper Hale’s, and it didn’t make me feel like the world would tip over. I did however feel the rhythm of my heart increase even more as he led me away from my chair. He gratefully stopped before we got to the center of the dance floor. My leg was slowing me down; I also didn’t want everyone staring in our direction. Jasper being here was out of the ordinary enough for a small town high school to take notice. Especially as he positioned a hand on my waist.

“I’m not exactly a spring chicken in this thing,” I mentioned as we started slowly swaying. It was hard to ignore the pressure of his fingers just above my hip, no matter how lightly they were placed. And his scent….God, he always smelled amazing but now we were so close that it was the only thing that filled my nose. The logical part of my brain worked extra hard to remind me of his standoffishness this week.

“I think we’re doing mighty fine as it is, but you can stand on my feet if you want.”

I rolled my eyes at the notion. As if he would be able to move his feet with me on top of them.

“So what’s with you this week? And don’t say migraines, because I’m not inclined to believe that you came to school for five days straight with one.”

He smirked just slightly, seemingly amused.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind. Sometimes it's easier to figure things out when I’m not so distracted,” his eyes flickered from over my shoulder to my face. I had to look away. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows because of course they were. It was impossible to not notice his toned forearms, something I’m sure he was aware of. A blue light over head reflected off of a small patch of skin on his arm. The skin looked shiny, like an old scar. Actually, it wasn’t the only one; there were two or three, barely visible when the light hit just right. I had scars like that on various places from childhood sport injuries, but the ones on his arm looked different somehow, though the low lighting made it hard to determine what specifically gave me that impression.

“So does the fact that you’re acknowledging my existence mean that you figured something out?” I glanced back up at him. Jasper still had his eyes trained on my face. It took everything in me to meet his gaze. After a moment, when it was his turn to look away, I exhaled a breath of relief. What would he be figuring out that caused him to act like he had all week towards me?

“I reckon you could say that. Still needs a little pondering, though.”

“Are you going to tell me what that is or do I have to drag it out of you?”
Jasper smiled more genuinely, and his eyes sparkled with amusem*nt. I was just close enough that a strand of his straw colored hair tickled the skin just above my eyebrow.

“Where’s the fun in that? I think I’d rather keep you guessing.”

“Well if I had my druthers, you’d give me only straight, honest answers when I asked you questions.”

We’d turned slightly, and now I could see that Matthew had returned to our table with two cups of red punch. A slight guilty feeling gnawed at the bottom of my stomach.

“It’s a good thing that you don’t get your druthers, then. Is it time for a twirl?”

I narrowed my eyes at his puzzling remark and question. He was playing with me in a game where only he knew the answers, and I was left guessing half the time.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I can’t twirl as of right now.”

“I didn’t ask if you could twirl, I asked if you wanted to twirl. Can I get a straight answer?”

I rolled my eyes at his use of my own language. Hello Pot, meet Kettle.

“Fine. Yes I suppose if I could, right now would be a great time for a twirl.”

The song had reached its last play through of the chorus. My back was turned to Matthew again, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Jasper was glancing at him over my head. I studied his face as lights and shadows moved across it. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly, and his eyes drifted back to me. I barely had time to lift an eyebrow in question before his arm slid across my back. He pressed my body against his, and the next thing I knew, I was being spun around in a completely weightless circle before being softly returned to the floor. As the song ended my heartbeat pounded in my ears the loudest it had all night. My face flushed until it felt like a million degrees. Jasper was still looking down at me with the same expression, but he had stepped back and released the hand he’d been holding.

“What was that for?” My voice sounded breathless even to myself. I tried to ignore Matthew’s look of incredulity just out of the corner of my eye. Jasper shrugged as if lifting my full body weight off the ground and spinning around had been a perfectly easy thing to do, never mind rational.

“You wanted to twirl, so you did. Nothing to it.”

Admittedly, I’d loved it. It made me feel like a princess, especially in my poofy dress. But I knew Matt would be upset and I couldn’t blame him. I would be angry and embarrassed if he was spinning another girl around the dance floor while I had gone to get him something to drink. We walked in silence back to my chair. It was entirely possible I purposefully walked much slower than necessary to prolong the trip.

“Hey Matt,” I said as cheerily as I could, “thanks for getting my drink.”

I lifted the cup to my mouth and took a long draw. The not-quite cold fruit punch slightly irritated my throat, and tasted of pineapple, cherry, and mango. It was only when I needed to come back up for air that I stopped drinking. Jasper had disappeared.

“What was that about?” Matt asked, already looking peeved. “Why were you dancing with him?”

I hid my hands under the table and wrung my fingers together.

“He asked me to dance, that’s all. It was nothing.”

‘Nothing to it.’ That’s what Jasper had said after he’d twirled me around. But had he only been talking about that, or was he referring to the entire dance? Better yet, was he talking about the dance at all?

“Was the twirl really necessary? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?”

I took another drink of the punch, not loving the taste but needing something to distract me for a second while I came up with a satisfactory response.

“I didn’t know he was going to do that, and by the time it happened, there was nothing that I could do about it. I’m sorry if it hurt your feelings; it didn’t mean anything, really.”

He took a long sip of his drink, too, seeming to debate in his mind between continuing to be angry and letting it go. He ran a hand over his face and let out a long sigh. I waited for him to speak, not sure which direction this would go.

“It’s fine. How’s your ankle?”

I downed the last of my drink, the taste hardly registering this time and hastily stood up.

“Much better actually. I really like this song; we should get back out there.”

I hated this song. It was an overplayed and over hyped John Mayer original, but Matthew seemed pleased at my enthusiasm to dance. Mike and Jessica were back on the floor near Angela and Eric, so I steered us in that same direction. Angela caught my eye as I rested my head on Matt’s shoulder. Her eyebrows shot up in question, as if to say “what was all that about?” I shrugged my shoulders and worked on keeping my boot from tripping both of us as we slowly moved our feet. I hadn’t had to worry about that with Jasper. He seemed to know exactly how to move so that neither of us stumbled.

We danced to three songs before Matt offered to grab more refreshments. I must have been getting tired, because by the time I reached my chair, I was having trouble keeping from tripping myself with my boot.

“Is everything okay? I saw the thing with Jasper.” Angela took a seat beside me with Eric following behind.

“Yeah, it’s fine I think. I didn’t know that Jasper was going to pick me up like that or I would have ended the dance sooner. Matt’s kind of pissed.”

I turned my head as he approached with another round of punch. I had to grab the table to steady myself. It was as if when I turned my head, the image needed a half of a second to catch up.

“Here ya’ go,” Matthew smiled as he sat the cup in front of me. I quickly drank from it, not minding the taste as much now that I was so thirsty.

“This stuff isn’t so bad after a few rounds of dancing,” I mentioned while popping a cheese cube into my mouth.

After a few minutes of sitting and chatting with Angela, one of Matthew’s favorite songs came on, so of course we started dancing again. I noticed Jasper looking our way once or twice, doing a not-so-great job of hiding behind a cup of water. Alice was beside him, seemingly deep in thought while talking to him, though I doubted he could hear her in the crowded room with such loud music. My boot caught on the floor for what felt like the millionth time and I nearly took both Matt and I down in one motion.

“Woah, you good, Collins?”

I normally wasn’t so clumsy, but tonight it was like I increasingly found it harder to move my feet and hands correctly. When I looked up at Matthew, the image once again took longer than normal to catch up with the movement of my head.

“I think so. My head feels a little fuzzy though.”

A giggle escaped my mouth at how badly I was staying upright, though I couldn’t explain why that should be so funny. Even my tongue seemed to not be working right, which was more concerning than humorous. But who cared? Everything was getting more fun by the second.

“I think I need to use the bathroom, my eyeballs are floating,” I suddenly blurted without a care. Matthew placed a hand on my elbow and started walking in that direction.

“I’ll make sure you get there in one piece.”

He led me to the darkened hallway where the bathrooms were located. I nearly took out a girl with the door as she exited. Something wasn’t right for me to be acting so strangely, but just as I started to worry, the care slipped away and I felt the sudden urge to laugh at how I was feeling. It was a miracle that I made it to and from the toilet without pissing myself. I examined my reflection in the mirror as I did a haphazard job of washing my hands. It was difficult to stay focused on one detail at a time, but the most noticeable feature was my rosy cheeks and flushed chest. Who knew slow dancing was such a workout?

“Better?”

By now, I was miles away from better and quickly approaching much worse. My head was spinning, the multicolored lights over the dance floor not helping at all. Another funny thought occurred to me: my head was all dizzy and Jasper wasn’t anywhere near me! Maybe my hunch about him was all wrong. At least Matthew seemed to be in a better mood. His face had turned into a mask of concern as he took my hand to help steady my walking.

“Are you feeling alright? Do you feel a little dizzy?”

I nodded my head but that only worsened the streaks of color dancing across my vision.

“Let’s get you to the car if you’re not feeling well.”

Matthew easily led me to the doors, given my delusional state. The cold air that normally put me in a horrible mood didn’t even register as he opened the exterior door and began walking to his car. Something wasn’t right, but it was getting increasingly harder to suss out what it was.

“Wait,” I stopped in the middle of the parking lot. “I think I left my purse inside.”

The words came out as little more than a slur, and the only word fully recognizable was “purse.” Matthew continued to tug at my arm.

“I’ll run back and get it. Let’s get you to the car first.”

“No, I want my purse.”

The words and my mind were clearer this time, but only marginally. Still, he should’ve been able to understand what I was saying, or at the very least, that I didn’t want to keep walking forward. He tugged on my arm harder, nearly tripping me again.

“Stop it, Matt!”

The sentence sounded whiny to my own ears. Slight panic caused a painful streak to run through my chest. Matthew was overpowering me. I moved this way and that as he tried to get his arms around me to move even further. Not a single soul was in the parking lot to hear the commotion. A slap landed across my cheek, not hard enough to make me see stars but enough to stun me. Matt pulled me a few steps nearer to his car, just feet away from where we were standing. Hot tears leaked from my eyes and down my cheeks. I knew I needed to do something but fear and whatever had my mind all messed up wouldn’t let me think clearly.

Before we could take another step, something colder than the Washington air grabbed my upper arm and pulled me away from Matthew. I spun and caught a glimpse of short hair.

“Collins, are you alright?”

It was Alice, her eyes switching between my face and whatever was going on behind me. I heard a shout that was quickly silenced by a nearly inaudible thud. There was a scuffle too, but it was too much for me to divide my concentration between. My hand rubbed at the spot where Matthew had slapped me, and suddenly, the tears were cascading down my face. I sobbed into her shoulder as she pulled me into her arms.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I saw that you left your purse and ran out to give it to you. Let’s get you somewhere safe.”

I knew we must have walked to the shiny black car in the lot, but couldn’t remember the steps in between. Alice opened the door and helped me sit inside, careful to keep my head from banging against the top of the car. The seats were amazingly soft, but chilly. I shivered and continued to cry without abandon.

“I’ll be right back okay? I need to make sure Jasper hasn’t killed Matthew.”

Her presence retreated along with the spicy scent that always surrounded her. There was a feminine shout, surely Alice, and then a low conversation that rose in volume as it got nearer. Instead of trying to decipher what exactly they were saying, I let my body lean over until I laid across the back row of seats. It helped the spinning in my head slow down, but then came a slight nauseousness. Two people entered the car, that much I was aware of. One of them started the engine, and the other lifted my head up before resting it back in their lap.

“I wasn’t going to kill him.”

That was Jasper’s smooth voice, near to my head.

“Jazz, trust me when I say you were going to,” Alice’s much higher voice answered. I wanted to turn and confirm it was Jasper’s lap I had my head in, but moving only worsened the dizziness and nausea.

“She’s pretty drunk. I don’t think her sister is going to appreciate seeing her like this.” That was Alice again.

“Then she doesn’t have to.”

I wanted to stay awake and hear what else both of them had to say, but a cloud of strong drowsiness washed over me.

This chapter has only been proofread by me; apologies if there are any errors in continuity or grammar. I am a SUCKER for some cliche plot lines, as is obvious in the above chapter. For everyone that is super annoyed at Matthew or just flat out hates him, I’ll throw you a bone ;) What the hell is Jasper doing? You’ll have to stay tuned to find out<3

Chapter 12: thanks

Chapter Text

Long before Collins had been born, Cara Walker was the light of her parents’ lives. Born on August 8, 1978, the first 9 years of her life were as sunny as her arrival on Earth. What more could a girl want than a mom and a dad that adored her? How she turned out so well mannered when she wanted for nothing was a mystery, but her well spoken and polite demeanor had gotten her quite the reputation before she was out of elementary school. Smart and beautiful, too. Perhaps a little reserved for most children her age, but surely she’d grow out of it. In her younger years, she had begged her parents for a sibling, preferably a baby brother, to play with and dress up and maybe boss around, but in a well meaning big sisterly way. Leanne and Jeffery placated this request with a pet once it became a regular thing. And that worked for a while. Eventually, however, Cara once again longed for a sibling.

So when the Walkers announced that they’d be expanding the family — this time, with a human child, not a cat — Cara had been thrilled. She’d stopped strangers in the grocery store to tell them that she was going to be a big sister, punctuated by a pat on Leanne’s swollen belly. Unfortunately, it was not a baby brother, but that didn’t matter. “Beggars can’t be choosers,” Cara’s mom had said plenty of times, and right now, she was a beggar.

It started when her baby sister was born. Collins Walker was a surprise, but a welcome one, and Leanne and Jeffery found that after eight years, they were out of practice in the baby department. Juggling a child that was quickly approaching her tween years every day and a newborn at the same time proved to be more than they could say grace over. Cara, ever the perceptive child, noticed that the time which had been all for her to occupy was now delegated to the small bald human screaming in her bassinet. She still loved her, despite the negative effect she had had on the family’s sleep schedule. Collins was a baby after all, and Cara was reaping some of the benefits of her granted wish. She got to help change the baby, feed the baby, hold the baby, soothe the baby. Everything was about the precious baby. Cara didn’t mind; she was being responsible by helping. That was one of her favorite words to be called by the adults in her life. It wasn’t until a few years later that the relationship started to sour.

First, it was Cara’s free time. By then, Collins was about three and was forming her own personality. She wasn’t completely helpless like a fresh baby, but she still couldn’t be left to her own devices for too long. Cara was tasked with watching her sister whenever her parents were busy, which wasn’t often, but did foil some of her plans at one point or another. A sleepover? Not this weekend, Collins has a checkup on Friday and neither of their parents would have the energy or time to look after a third child. A school dance? No, there wouldn’t be anyone to pick her up once it was over and they didn’t want to disrupt Collins’s bedtime because she was finally getting over her fear of the dark. Beta convention? Money was tight, having two kids participating in sports — Jeffery Walker not only signed his daughters up for tee-ball at the earliest age, he volunteered to coach the team. Eventually, it was better to not ask and forgo the disappointment entirely.

Cara realized early on that she and Collins had very different personalities, despite any shared interests. Collins marched to the beat of her own drum, while Cara had learned how to follow the same rhythm as everyone else. And when Cara tried to get her younger sister to follow that rhythm, it usually resulted in an argument. If Collins would just listen, then things would work out much smoother, but the girl insisted on doing things her own way, making her own mistakes rather than learning from the mistakes of others. Over the years, their arguments got fewer and farther between, but grew in intensity, from petty fights about clothes to whether or not one or the other was making the right decision about their lives. Cara didn’t like Collins’s boyfriend or Collins didn’t like Cara’s major. Or maybe they both thought their parents were treating the other unfairly. Collins more often than not found it easier to let it go and ignore Cara’s criticisms, and Cara did try to not let Collins’s personality bother her unless it was detrimental in the long run. But eventually, one of them would lose their temper and say something they regretted. The situation would resolve itself like it did between most siblings, but until then, it would be like walking on eggshells around them.

☽●☾

As Cara sat in the old recliner, a now empty cup of coffee in one hand and her cellphone in the other, she tried to keep her mind from imagining the worst case scenario of where her sister was and what she was doing.

I’m going to kill her when she gets home. And then I’m going to ground her.

She’d been waiting up since midnight, the time at which Collins had said she would be home by. Cara had made the decision to stay up and wait to make sure she got in safely. And, okay, maybe she wanted to make sure that her sister didn’t pull some idiotic plan to sneak her date into the house and then have him gone by morning. But either way, she was trying to be the responsible older sister that her parents had wanted. That was the only reason she hadn’t called them in the middle of their day and told them that Collins was missing; it would prove that she’d failed at the task she’d promised she could handle.

It’s just like Collins to stay out all night with no regard for anyone else that might be concerned. She doesn’t care that I could get called into work on a miniscule amount of sleep. She doesn’t care that I’ve been up for hours. She won’t even answer her phone for God’s sake!

It was easier to allow her worry to manifest as anger, easier to imagine that Collins was being lackadaisical rather than hurt. It took everything for Cara to not think about the murders in Seattle that had been all over the news recently. What if the perpetrators had moved to the Forks area?

She couldn’t just sit here in the dark for another five hours, waiting on pins and needles; she had to at least try and do something. First, she’d drive around to the places that Collins might be, like Reverend Weber’s house or the Stanleys’. The Cullen residence was also a possibility, but she didn’t know where they lived. If anything, she could call Dr. Cullen in the event that her search turned up fruitless. She didn’t know where Matthew Reese’s family lived either. How had she managed to not inquire about that? It wasn’t very responsible of her.

She could check the venue of the dance, too, in case Collins had become incapacitated at some point and was waiting there to drive home. And the police station, though surely Charlie would have called if anything had happened, right?

Charlie…I could check in with him as my next to last resort. He wouldn’t call my parents if I asked him not to, since Collins is eighteen.

Cara took the time to change clothes and throw her hair up into an old ball cap before brewing a to-go cup of coffee and grabbing her keys. The clock on the microwave read 5:55 am.

I’ll give her until ten ‘o’ clock. If I can’t find her by then, I’ll panic.

☽●☾

The first thought that crossed my mind in the gray area between being asleep and being awake was that this was the warmest I’d been since leaving Alabama. It was bliss to be away from the cold, wet weather of Forks for just a moment, even if it was just a dream. The bedding wasn’t mine, but that thought hadn’t fully formed in my mind. All that mattered was how soft and cozy it felt against my skin. The pillow was the perfect level of firmness under my head; I rolled over and smothered my face in the blanket and sheets, remembering that my foot was in a boot and propped up on a stack of pillows. The scent of linen was overshadowed by something else much better. Something that would have smelled familiar if my brain hadn’t been halfway asleep. Something sweet and oaky, with a hint of leather and ash, just like…

I quickly jerked my head back out of the blankets and instantly regretted it. Pain flashed through my temples, the light coming in through the windows like a strobe light against my eyes. The image in front of me swirled as a wave of nausea washed through my stomach. I plopped back down and tried not to throw up at the same time.

That was the scent of Jasper Hale.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths in through my nose, and out through my mouth. Yep, that was Jasper alright, but the more important thing right then was to not throw up, though the nausea and headache weren’t helping in the slightest. Neither were all the questions popping into my mind, such as: Where was I and why did I feel like I’d been hit by a Mack truck?

“Collins?” That was Alice, I could recognize her voice anywhere. Even though she hadn’t spoken above a whisper, it sounded unusually loud to my pounding head. I slowly turned and opened my eyes. She sat in a chair, looking effortlessly beautiful in chic loungewear. Looking way better than I felt. Seeing her stirred a thought in my mind, but it flitted away before becoming clear.

“Alice?” My throat was dry and my voice barely sounded above a whisper. “Where am I?”

My eyes drifted around the room as the vertigo eased up. One wall was entirely covered by a bookshelf, or rather, it was a bookshelf. There were probably hundreds of books, some newer, others looking antique. The walls were a dark green, accented by rich wood furniture. The wall to my left was one large window spanning from floor to ceiling. Thankfully, the curtains had been mostly drawn closed, letting in only a small amount of sunlight. I had the distinct impression that this was a guy’s room. Did that mean-?

Out of nowhere, vomit rose up my throat and into my mouth. Alice was there in time to pull my body to the side and place a small trash can under my chin. I wretched three times, emptying the contents of my stomach, which included last night’s dinner. Grilled chicken breast was much less impressive the second time around. The bile burned my throat and tasted bitter, but the sour feeling in my belly subsided. A thin sheen of sweat broke out over my skin. I would be forever grateful for Alice’s intuition. She stood and walked through a door at the opposite end of the room, then returned with a damp washcloth and a glass of water. I swished a mouthful, then spit it back into the trash with the foul smelling puke. After wiping my face clean, I propped myself back on the pillow and slowly sipped the remaining water.

“You’re at my family’s house. Specifically, you’re in Jasper’s room, and have been all night. Please don’t freak out.”

She must have noticed the startled look on my face and the way my eyes flickered around, as if Jasper would suddenly appear from the shadows. How on Earth had I ended up here, and better yet, why? I looked over to the other side of the bed, suddenly terrified that I hadn’t been the only one sleeping in here last night, but the covers looked undisturbed.

“Collins, what do you remember from last night?”

My hands gripped the sheets as the thudding in my head intensified. Last night…last night was a blur.

“I remember the dance,” I mumbled. “I remember dancing with Matthew and then dancing with Jasper. But I don’t remember leaving. Does Matthew know I’m here?”

Matthew. The thought of him didn’t do anything particularly nice to my unstable stomach. Alice took a deep breath, then wrinkled her nose at the stench of the vomit. I watched as she pulled her lips into her mouth, hesitating to answer my question.

“A few things happened last night that may be difficult to hear, especially if you’re not feeling well,” she began. “Perhaps it’d be best if you ate something first.”

My stomach punctuated her sentence with a gurgle.

“I feel like sh*t,” I sighed, resting my face in my hands. But I was hungry, it would just be a miracle if anything I ate stayed down.

“How about a shower? Then we can see if you’re up for something, and I’ll explain everything.”

I let her lead me to the adjacent bathroom and set out a fresh washcloth and towel. This felt all wrong, being in Jasper’s room, in his bathroom for goodness sakes. He’d yet to make an appearance, but I wasn’t lucky enough to escape without seeing him, that I was sure of.

I stood under the hot spray of the shower head for what felt like hours. The Cullens are rich, they can afford the water, I thought, then immediately chastised myself for being greedy. The quicker my shower was over, the quicker Alice could fill in the blanks from the previous evening. The idea brought on a new wave of uneasiness. I doused the wet rag with soap from the nearest bottle. I expected it to smell like Jasper, but instead, it had a light lavender fragrance, exactly like the brand I used at home. I glanced at the bottle again. It was the same.

Alice had prepared anything I’d need as if I were staying in a hotel rather than her house. A new toothbrush and a travel tube of toothpaste. A hairbrush and a pack of ponytail holders. A hairdryer, though I was sure that was hers. I had noticed while showering and brushing my teeth that everything looked new and especially clean, not in a “I clean up after myself” way, but a “this room has never been previously occupied” way. There were no water spots or dust or hell, even fingerprints. I was careful to put everything back where it had been and tried not to leave toothpaste or water anywhere. I was too messy for a house like this.

Alice so generously left out a neat stack of clothes, that at first glance, could have come off of the rack at Walmart. But upon closer inspection, I noticed the tags were designer, despite the fact that it was a plain white t-shirt, a pair of black sweatpants, and a matching sports bra. I pulled on the clothes and stuffed my undergarments in my purse sitting near the door. The shirt and pants were softer than anything I’d ever worn previously, and made Victoria Secret pajamas feel like burlap.

I dried my hair until it wasn’t dripping water, then pulled it into a tight ponytail. With clean skin and hair and fresh clothes, I felt marginally better, even with a lingering headache. Good enough to look around at the bedroom. The books were my main interest; there could have easily been a thousand stacked on the shelves all the way up to what must have been a twelve foot ceiling. My hand reached out to touch their spines until I realized how old they were. Some of the titles were familiar classics, with names like Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Walt Whitman. Most of the authors were American, though a volume of Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poetry appeared well loved. I plucked it off the shelf and opened to a poem that looked to be frequently visited, “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” and read the line that had been underlined what looked like years ago:

“Forward, the Light Brigade!”

Was there a man dismayed?

Not though the soldier knew

Someone had blundered.

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die.

I replaced the book and continued to survey the shelves. Some of them would have impressed my dad, like the hefty copy of Lonesome Dove. He’d loved that book, along with any other Westerns he could get his hands on. Some were older, like Washington Irving’s work, others more recent, like True Grit. Everything that hadn’t been recently published could have been first editions, they looked so old. Then, there was a collection of soft hand-bound leather journals. I was just about to place a finger on the nearest one with the date ‘1890’ etched into the spine when someone knocked on the door, making me jump.

“One second!” I called as I limped to my crutches and opened the door, trying to act as if I hadn’t just been snooping through all of the books. I had expected it to be Alice, here to retrieve me, but Jasper was the person on the other side. The memory of us dancing last night, of him picking me up and spinning me around, flashed in my mind. It made my stomach flip, but not in the same way as earlier. It was more like…being on a rollercoaster right as you go over the largest hill at the very beginning. I didn’t mind it.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked. His voice was a soothing sound despite the still lingering headache. His face was guarded, as if he didn’t want to give anything away. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling, and whether it was anything like what I had thought or felt about last night and this morning. The tension between us crackled like static electricity; every interaction between Jasper and myself never went as planned.

“Better. Um,” I gestured behind myself towards the room, “tried to leave everything like I found it.”

His eyes flicked over my shoulder, directly at the bookshelf where I’d been standing just a minute ago. It was like he knew I’d been perusing his books and journals. Like he knew I’d picked one up and opened it.

“Thanks for letting me stay in your room,” I smiled slightly, hoping it would lighten the mood, even just a little. “You’ve got a nice collection of books.”

His expression didn’t change, just remained a mask of ambiguity. The rollercoaster feeling quickly turned into a familiar twinge of unease.

“My pleasure,” he murmured lowly, though his demeanor didn’t match the words. “Alice is waiting for you in the kitchen with everyone else. I’ll show you where that is, if you’re ready.”

If Jasper were a normal person, I could find a covert way to touch his hand or his arm and figure out exactly what emotions were hiding in his head. But Jasper wasn’t a normal person, and for whatever reason, my gift didn’t work on him. Or it worked too well on him, it was still a little unclear. He kept his cards close to his chest, that much was obvious. I nodded my head and went to pick up my bag, but he had moved behind me and picked it up before I could. How chivalrous.

He led me down a hallway to the stairwell, where I gave him a crutch and tried not to fall down the steps as we took them one at a time. The parts of the house that I could see were modern, designed with sharp angles, clean shades of white and beige, and a beautiful oak floor that my mom would fawn over. On the wall, a collage of graduation caps, I assumed which had been thrifted, hung above the stairs. Out of Jasper’s room, the air smelled more herbal, but still sweet. Maybe the Cullens were just one of those families that always smelled nice. Someone was baking, made evident by the smell of cinnamon and butter and yeast. This time, the idea of food didn’t make my stomach roil. My mouth watered. At the base of the stairs, I could see into the den, where a couple of people were reclining on a tan leather couch. I figured it was Emmett and Rosalie, as they were the two I hadn’t met but had heard a lot about, and they were cuddled together watching TV. It was hard to imagine anyone more beautiful than Alice, but Rosalie could have stopped ten lanes of traffic at five in the afternoon on a Friday. Her long blonde hair was lighter than Jasper’s, probably the byproduct of a master hairstylist. Her skin, like all of the Cullens and Hales, was flawlessly smooth like alabaster. Did Dr. Carlisle have a dermatologist in his back pocket or were they all just ridiculously blessed? She had the sought after hourglass figure; it was no wonder Jessica didn’t like bringing her up when Mike was around. The man beside her was burly, with dark curly hair and dimples that gave his face a younger appearance. Both of them stopped talking and looked my way as Jasper and I approached. Rosalie’s mouth turned down in a frown, but Emmett smiled warmly and waved his hand in greeting before resting it back on his wife’s shoulder.

“Collins! There you are. How’s your stomach?” I hadn’t noticed Alice pop up on my left until she was right beside me.

“It’s alright. I think I could keep something down if I tried,” I was grateful for a familiar and friendly face. The warning bells in my head were sounding three times as loud as usual while my heart thudded against my ribcage. Maybe one day, I’d know what it was about the Cullen family that sent my nervous system into a spiral.

“Esme’s got some food ready in the kitchen,” Alice beckoned for me to follow her in that direction. Jasper took a seat in the den instead of accompanying me. I sighed in relief or disappointment; it was hard to tell the difference lately.

The kitchen matched what I’d seen of the house so far. All appliances were new, stainless steel, and immaculately clean. Good God, if my mom ever saw this place, she wouldn’t rest until her house looked identical. In front of the huge stove, Esme spread cream cheese frosting over a tray of steaming cinnamon rolls. My mouth watered even more. She turned as Alice guided me onto one of the chairs at the dining table.

“Hello dear. How’s your head and stomach?”

Her words were like rich honey, smooth and sweet. Her aura shone brightly despite the overcast sky hanging out of the window behind her. I noticed that her eyes were the same golden color as Alice’s, Jasper’s, and Edward’s. And Rosalie’s and Emmett’s. Come to think of it, Dr. Carlisle’s too. Strange.

“They’re getting better,” I answered the same question for the third time, but didn’t feel irritated at all. “Are those homemade cinnamon rolls?”

“Oh, yes! I tried this new recipe from a cookbook the kids got me for Christmas. Would you like to try one? Perhaps with some coffee?”

Man, if I hadn’t thrown up just an hour prior, I would’ve asked for the whole tray. They smelled heavenly to my empty stomach.

“Yes ma’am. I’d like that very much.”

I watched as she removed a gooey cinnamon roll from the pan and served it on a Marie Daage dessert plate. One piece of the dinnerware cost the same as my monthly car payment. The elegant fork looked and felt like real silver, but I hadn’t had enough exposure to be sure whether it was or not. My granny only brought out the silver for Christmas and Easter.

“Cream or sugar?” Alice held up a dainty mug of steaming coffee that matched the plate.

“Black is fine, thank you. I don’t wanna risk it.”

The cinnamon roll had to be the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted. Each bite practically melted in my mouth as I worked my way to the center of the pastry. Esme and Alice joined me at the table, each with a cup of coffee for themselves. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth to remove any crumbs, then felt especially foolish doing so in front of the most refined family I’d ever met.

“What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

Esme reached out and grasped my hand in a comforting gesture. Warm bursts of light exploded behind my eyes as the sheer affection spread through my fingers. This had to be the most caring woman I’d ever met, though I hadn’t even been introduced to her within the past five minutes.

“Collins…last night at the dance, we believe your drink may have been contaminated. With vodka.” Alice’s eyes roamed over my face, waiting for some reaction.

“That would explain the holes in my memory and the hangover I’ve had all morning,” I nodded along. “I haven’t had much alcohol before, especially at a school function. How’d my drink even get spiked? Did someone pour a fifth into the punch bowl?”

Alice pursed her lips together and shook her head.

“No, it seems that you’re the only one who ended up drunk. We think, rather, we’re sure that it was Matthew who did it.”

I let out a harsh laugh. Matthew? Matthew Reese? The same guy that had followed me from class to class so I wouldn’t have to carry my books, and got his feelings hurt when he wasn’t the first person to hear about my math test results? The same Matthew that insisted on opening my doors for me, whether it be a building or a car?

“What? No, Matthew wouldn’t do that. He’d never hurt me.” I removed my hand from between Esme’s, feeling offended at the implication of what had been said.

“Collins, you were pretty drunk when Jasper and I found him walking you to the car. You were upset because he wouldn’t let you go back for your purse. Does any of that ring a bell?”

I tried to mentally retrace every detail of last night, starting from arriving at dinner to waking up the next morning. Matthew and I had gotten to the venue and almost immediately started dancing, along with Eric, Angela, Jess, and Mike. We attempted to dance for a couple of songs, and at one point, I had to shoot down Matt copping a feel on the dance floor. We took a break, Matt went to fetch punch and hors d'oeuvres, and that had been when Jasper came over and asked to dance. My cheeks warmed at the recollection of the twirl at the end. I could almost perfectly remember how it had felt. Matthew wasn’t happy about it, but he’d dropped the subject as we drank punch and ate hors d’oeuvres.

The punch.

It had tasted off, I did remember that, but had chalked it up to me not being a fan of the flavor the school had provided. It had burned my throat slightly, though it was hard to notice as fast as we had been drinking it. The first time Matt had grabbed my drink, I’d lost sight of him while dancing with Jasper. The second time, I’d been talking to Angela at our table, facing away from the punch bowl. It wasn’t long after that I had started feeling clumsy and uncoordinated. Suddenly, my memory came clearly into focus, like a windshield fully defrosted on a chilly morning. I could barely keep myself upright on the way too and from the bathroom. And Matt had insisted on leading me to the car, but wouldn’t let me go back inside to grab my purse. He had gotten angry. He had hit me.

“Holy sh*t,” I whispered and let my hands cover my face. “He did spike my drink. He slapped me.”

The sound of shattering ceramic reverberated throughout the kitchen. I jerked my head up in that direction and saw pieces of a mug sitting on the counter in a puddle of steaming coffee. Jasper stood there, his jaw clenched as he began picking up the mess.

“You fell asleep in the car on the way here. I didn’t feel comfortable changing your clothing for you while you were asleep, so it’s good that you didn’t throw up until you woke up,” Alice brought my attention back to her. “I wanted to monitor you in case you became sick.”

Bethany and I had been to parties, some at houses and some in hayfields, but all of them with alcohol. We were both careful to not leave our drinks unattended and to never have more than one to avoid getting too tipsy for the other person to manage on their own. A little fun could easily turn into a disaster, and it seemed like last night could have been one of those disasters if it hadn’t been for Alice and Jasper. My stomach lurched at the idea of being carted off in a drunken stupor by someone who didn’t have my best interest at heart. The cinnamon roll I’d just eaten threatened to make a second appearance. I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths until the feeling eased.

“Honey, are you alright?” Esme’s calm voice soothed the part of my brain that was freaking out about all the horrible ways last night could have ended. I opened my eyes and looked at her face. It was the most unimportant thing to notice at the time, but it bothered — or maybe, intrigued — me that all of the Cullen family looked so much alike and not alike at the same time. Only Jasper, Rosalie, and Esme were related by blood, and they did all favor each other. But everyone shared features, like their golden eyes, pale skin, and ridiculously good looks. They also had dazzlingly white, straight teeth, but a good dentist and orthodontist could be responsible for that. How did seven mostly unrelated people happen to share so many characteristics?

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you for breakfast and letting me stay here. Alice, thanks for not letting me choke on my own puke.”

“Anytime,” she smiled. “I almost forgot; I plugged your phone in last night. Let me grab it for you.”

Alice hopped up from her seat and nearly floated to the counter at the far end of the kitchen where my phone was plugged into the wall, then nearly floated back and handed it to me. When I punched the middle button on the keypad, the time read 9:13 a.m. A list of calls and messages appeared as well, telling me that no one had snooped through it, though I didn’t think they would. As I scrolled through the messages, my stomach plummeted. There were one or two from Jess and Angela asking if I had made it home safely. A mixture of phone calls and text messages from Matt that I deleted without bothering to read. The rest of the 26 text messages, 15 phone calls, and 5 voicemails were from Cara.

Oh. No.

“Ohmigod,” I shot up, nearly losing my balance. Cara had been expecting me back at midnight and had no idea what was going on. It was a miracle the National Guard hadn’t been dispatched to Forks for a search and rescue. “My sister is going to absolutely murder me. I have to go.”

“Jasper can drive you home,” Esme offered as she cleared the table and placed the dishes in the sink, then turned to where Jasper was leaning against the door jamb, his arms crossed over his chest. “You don’t mind, do you? Carlisle’s keys are hanging by the door. And grab Collins a jacket; it’s freezing outside.”

Jasper didn’t respond, but he did start walking back up the stairs, assumingly for an article of clothing. I turned back to Esme.

“Thank you again, for everything,” I said, not knowing how to fully express my gratitude at the hospitality they’d shown me.

“It was our pleasure.” She smiled so warmly that I knew she wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better. Jasper was back with the same sweatshirt he had lent me the other day at the hospital. I pulled it on over my head and resisted the urge to hold the fabric up to my nose and take a deep breath. On the way to the door, Edward, who I hadn’t seen earlier, made a point to follow us with his eyes the entire way. It wasn’t lost on Jasper, who seemed to grow more irritated when he noticed.

The garage held a number of shiny vehicles, all expensive cars or motorcycles. I recognized Edward’s Volvo and Jasper’s bike, but the canary yellow Porsche and fire-engine red Mercedes drew my attention. It was the older black Mercedes that we stopped at. I was too wound up to even appreciate the luxury of the car as we pulled out into the driveway. I had no idea how far the Cullens lived from town or how long it would take to get home. The gravel road leading to the highway seemed to go on forever through the evergreen forest. Neither one of us spoke until he turned onto the main highway.

“I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come outside when you did last night. Actually, I probably do, but it wouldn’t have been anything good. So thank you, really,” my throat tightened near the end of the sentence, making it difficult to finish. I surveyed him from the corner of my eye as inconspicuously as possible. His eyes were trained unwaveringly on the road, the muscle in his jaw tensing, and the tendons in his arm twitching. He was a long way from the guy that had politely asked to dance and then twirled me around wistfully.

“Anyone would have done the same thing,” he brushed off, as his eyes flicked my way for just a second. I looked back out the window, where the clouds blocked out the sun for what must have been the twentieth consecutive day. A perfect setting for the storm brewing at home. My stomach twisted into several knots. Cara could only do so much now that I was eighteen, but that also meant she could kick me out and ship me to France with a note pinned to my jacket saying “return to sender.” It wasn’t like I had purposefully spent the night partying or shacking up with a guy, though she didn’t know that. She’d probably been worried sick, a thought that made me feel more guilty the closer we got to our destination. I estimated we were five minutes out once we passed the library. All I could do was lean my head back and take deep breaths to try to calm the continuous jiggling of my good leg. Once we pulled onto my street, neither the deep breathing or the leg jiggling helped to ease my anxiety. Her car was in its usual spot, a good sign that she wasn’t at the police station reporting a missing person. A bad sign that World War III would commence in mere minutes. As the car came to a stop by the curb, I sat still as a statue, not wanting to get out quite yet. I could feel Jasper watching me the longer we sat.

“She’s going to be pissed. There ain’t a way around that. But it’ll be fine once you explain everything. She wouldn’t be a very good sister otherwise,” he reassured me. I rolled my head in his direction, my expression likely that of a frightened deer.

“You don’t know Cara. She’s liable to not let me get a word in edgewise. But I guess there’s no use putting it off anymore.”

I grabbed my bag and started to remove the sweatshirt, but Jasper told me to hold onto it since it was so cold outside. I was halfway out of the car when his hand touched my arm, the coolness of it seeping through the material and causing goosebumps to spread over my skin. We stayed there for just a few seconds, but it felt longer; the light amber of his eyes had grown darker again. The knots in my stomach slowly began to loosen until they were completely undone; the idea of talking to Cara didn’t seem so scary now.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he finally said before releasing my arm and turning back towards the steering wheel. He only began driving away once I’d made it up the steps.

The door was unlocked, and as I swung it open, I prayed that Cara would at least listen before flying off the rails.

Chapter 13: damn you, Collins Walker

Chapter Text

When Bella stumbled (literally) into Edward’s life, into all of our lives, I’d gotten a brief reprieve from being the weakest link in our vegetarian vampire troupe. Suddenly, everyone’s attention shifted to making sure that Edward didn’t suck her dry in the middle of Biology rather than constantly giving me surreptitious looks of apprehension. It’d been such a relief, emotionally, not to feel the worry, anxiety, and pity from all four of my siblings while I tried to ignore my ever present cravings along with theirs. Until, of course, my slip up at Bella’s eighteenth birthday party. That had been…horribly unfortunate, but it did help me reinforce my choice of abstaining from human blood. Since that debacle, I’d found the scent marginally less bothersome during the school day. My throat still burned, my mouth still flooded with venom when walking through the front doors each morning. However, my mind was preoccupied with things other than not accidentally murdering a few teenagers. I’d thought I had finally been able to fully assimilate into the family that Carlisle had built over the last century, enforced by the desire to never feel the horror of nearly killing my brother’s girlfriend.

Then Collins Walker arrived, and it all went to sh*t.

She just had to be in the same Calculus class as me and needed tutoring. We’d always kept a safe distance from humans when attending school to assure our cover wouldn’t be blown and to reduce the risk of a slip-up. Edward and Bella’s relationship had been the exception to this rule for about a year, but perhaps that was because when he wanted to, he could keep a clean record. How he resisted his blood singer, I have no idea. The feelings that I’d sensed from him early on had been a strain on its own; combined with my own thirst and everyone else’s, it was no wonder a papercut had set me off so bad. Thanks to that, I had Edward constantly prying into my mind and Alice’s to determine whether a slip up was imminent. He’d always been vigilant, though now it was even more annoying. I hated the ever present invasion into my mind that was worsened by his attempt at rationalizing it. You know your self control isn’t as developed. It’s only logical that we take the appropriate measures to prevent an unwanted outcome. The Volturi will jump at the slightest infraction. Spending time with Collins, especially alone, would be imprudent. The smug asshole irritated me to no end with the issue, mostly because I knew he wasn’t wrong. He had even suggested that I should switch classes to a lower option, like business math, since I didn’t need Calculus for the 50th time. Our repetitive arguments were becoming a stick in my craw. Although he had a point, he had no right to boss me around, telling me that I shouldn’t get close to a human. I was a major in the army at eighteen, for Christ’s sake. And it wasn’t like I suggested tutoring in the first place. If he wanted to continue attending school so that Carlisle could practice medicine as he saw fit, then he’d have to suck it up and deal with the normal human interactions as they came.

Edward had always watched the future from Alice’s mind, knowing that I did in fact struggle with my bloodlust, but through the last decade of improvement, I’d gotten close to getting him off my back. Then she’d walked into class, bringing with her a potent scent that made my diet of black bear, mountain lion, and moose taste even more like the cheap imitation it was. The worst part was, she wasn’t my singer. If she were, there was a slim chance Collins would have survived in Forks this long. No, it wasn’t the scent of her blood, despite its rich, sweet smell. It was the proximity. If I were human, an average teenager making their way through their last year of high school, spending hours alone with Collins would’ve been the highlight of my year. She was witty, intelligent, and easy on the eyes, which is a heavy compliment coming from a vampire with perfect vision. There were some things we shared between the two of us that fostered a sense of familiarity that I lacked with my family. Any guy who didn’t find her attractive would be out of his mind. For me, the hours in the library, practically alone since Ms Fields chose to spend her lunch in the teacher’s lounge most days, were pure torture. The smell of her blood was impossible to ignore when sitting so close to her, especially since she had the habit of brushing her shiny blonde hair over her shoulder, sending a strong wave of it directly at my face.Showing up at the dance wasn't my wisest move, I can admit. The scent of her blood had been nearly overwhelming then; not even the floral perfume she wore could come close to masking it. I could hear Edward now, lecturing me about "the senseless" of my actions, if the night hadn't ended the way it did. I just couldn't stand by and do nothing when Alice's vision took a risky turn. And now, that same smell was all over my room, my books. My sheets.

Damn Collins, and her ability to land herself in situations where I couldn’t ignore her like any good vampire would. It was getting harder to lie to myself and the others that I was spending time around her only for the purpose of figuring out why my abilities were affected by the touch of her skin. I liked spending time with her aside from the burning in my throat. Anybody would. But I wasn’t just anybody; I was a vampire that enjoyed the smell of her blood in particular, and would enjoy the taste even more. Each second with her brought that possibility closer to a dangerous reality. Yet, there was no such thing as just a taste. If my lips got anywhere near the pulse that thrummed at the base of her neck, just under that smooth, olive skin…if I sank my teeth in and felt the warm, delicious liquid spread over my tongue, quenching the burning in my throat…

I clenched my jaw and put the thought out of my mind for what must have been the millionth time, nearly as many as I’d had to ignore the idea of touching her hand or brushing her hair behind an ear.

I needed to hunt. Again.

A/N: I'm experimenting with the idea of having some chapters from different points of view. These chapters would likely be shorter and less frequent. This chapter is mainly because I haven't update lately (holidays, teaching, etc) and I wanted to post something.

Hope you enjoy; a fuller chapter will be along shortly!

Chapter 14: ya' feel me?

Chapter Text

Each of us Walkers lost our tempers now and then in our own unique way. Dad’s temper flared when he was stressed out at work. He had a hard time not bringing it home with him and would get more and more frustrated until it all boiled over, most often with yelling. Mom rarely yelled; she was much more skilled in the art of backhanded comments that made you wonder if she was angry or not (if you had to ask, the answer was yes). I wasn’t all that great at staying mad; when my temper flared, it blazed for half a second, then quickly burned itself out. Cara, on the other hand, could stay mad for weeks.

The way she sat silently on my bed as I stood in the doorway was worse than any yelling match, biting remark, or slap to the face. It made my tongue feel like it’d been replaced with cotton. My hands were sweating so bad, I had to wipe them on the legs of the sweatpants Alice lent me. This was the calm before the storm that had all night to brew.

“Cara, I-,” she held up her hand, making me close my mouth and try to swallow, though there was no spit. The way her lips set into a deep frown made her look just like Momma.

“Nine hours, Collins. I’ve been up for nine hours, wondering where the hell you were. And the only reason I haven’t called Mom or Dad is because I’m sure they’d find some way to make it my fault that you’ve been out all night without so much as calling or texting!”

She looked like she’d been up for nine hours, that was hard to miss. Her eyes were bloodshot, the skin under them shadowed with dark purple circles. The lines around her mouth were more prominent than usual. She never did try that moisturizer I recommended, I thought, which was something so odd to think at the time. I should be thinking of a way to explain and apologize that she would actually believe. The idea of having to bring up Matthew, that Cara would want to press charges and make the incident more public, turned my stomach.

“Someone spiked the punch bowl last night, and no one caught it until it was too late,” I began hesitantly. “Alice and Jasper didn’t drink any, so they gave me a ride and let me crash at their house. I didn’t know any of this until about an hour ago; they had to fill me in on everything when I woke up.”

She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips ever so slightly, letting me know that she thought I was full of sh*t.

“So you’re telling me that someone put alcohol in the punch, and the school hasn’t bothered to contact any of the parents or guardians of students that may have ingested it? And you didn’t, I don’t know, taste the alcohol?”

Her eyebrows shot up as she stood, putting her hands on her hips. All us Walker women did that when we were disgruntled like she was now. All I could do was shrug and nervously run my fingers over the smooth gel polish that coated each thumbnail.

“How do I know you weren’t with Matthew all night instead, and got Alice to drop you off as a cover?”

“Because I’m telling you the truth,” I spat back. Well, most of the truth, the important part anyway. I could have mentioned that it was Jasper who had driven me back, but I was already annoyed she thought I’d spent the night with one guy. Mentioning him would probably raise more questions. I had enough of my own to deal with at the moment. “If you don’t believe me, then that’s your prerogative.”

“You don’t have to have such an attitude when I’ve been worried sick about you,” Cara’s face was reddening with each word. Another thing that we had in common.

“I’m sorry you were worried, but it’s not my fault I can’t make a phone call while I’m unconscious with a dead phone.”

“God, you are such a brat! I shouldn’t have let Mom and Dad talk me into letting you stay here. The last thing I need is a missing person on my workload.”

The words stung, but I was too angry to stop.

“It’s not like you have anyone else trying to move in. You’re too busy making eyes at Dr. Cullen to even get another guy’s attention. If you haven’t noticed, he’s married.”

“Who would want to live here when there’s a spoiled eighteen year old running around and acting like she knows everything?”

“Probably the same person that would put up with a bitter twenty-seven year old virgin!”

Cara opted to slam the door rather than reply. I threw my purse in that general direction and dove onto my bed, pulling the pillow over my face and screaming until all of the air left my lungs.

☽●☾

I knew that Cara didn’t mean any of the things she said, except the parts about being worried. I knew that I hadn’t meant the ugly things that I had said, especially the part about her making eyes at Dr. Cullen, even if it was kind of true. But I couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not Mom and Dad had really had to beg her to let me live with her. We had been doing alright lately. Sure there was the occasional tiff about dishes in the sink or a towel on the bathroom floor, but that was normal sibling stuff. We rarely got into it like we had that day. Even though I was sorry and wanted for things to get smoothed over, I was too upset to do anything about it for the time being apart from tossing and turning all night. The events from the past 36 or so hours kept running through my mind, making it impossible to sleep. Dancing with Jasper, waking up in his room, meeting the rest of the Cullens, getting drugged and slapped by Matthew.

Ugh, Matthew. He’d be at school tomorrow, and I’d have to face him. Hopefully, he had the good sense to keep a wide berth, but the boy had proved “good sense” wasn’t in his vocabulary. Perhaps if I stayed near Angela or Jessica or one of the Cullens, he would leave me alone.

The Cullens.

The thought of them stirred up a host of conflicting feelings. The more I got to know the family, the more suspicious they became. But whether they were suspicious for good or bad reasons had yet to be decided. There were too many unknowns. I grabbed a piece of stationery from my bedside table and began a list of things that had been off about them, everything from my own observations to ongoing questions and comments that other people had made. Maybe there would be some connection between them all, or at the very least, a thread of commonality. The title of the list? Things About the Cullens that Don’t Geehaw.

1. The Cullens and Hales = alarm bells in my head.
2. Jasper makes my empathic abilities go haywire.
3. They all look strangely alike (skin, teeth, eye color), but also not (hair color, features, stature)
4. They all left for a few months and then came back after Bella went to find them.
5. Edward gives me bad vibes.

I stopped there and reread each point. There were a few other things that still floated around my head, like the scars on Jasper’s arms or the fact that he coincidentally had the same girly lavender body wash in his bathroom that I had used for the past ten years. Maybe that one wasn’t worth jotting down, but it did bug me. I added a few more, like how Jasper and Edward had been arguing a few weeks ago and how they had both showed up in the gym when I’d broken my ankle, then a quick blurb about how confusing the interview with Dr. Cullen had been after the fact. Each point by itself was not particularly interesting, but together, they made the Cullens seem odd. Some occurrences had been a little too coincidental or convenient in such a short time. Jessica had mentioned during the first week of school that they were strange, though I had assumed that was because she felt jealous of Bella. Maybe there was something to it, and I wanted to figure that out, starting with Jasper.

☽●☾

The next morning, my stomach gurgled and rolled anxiously. Primarily because I was unsure how school would go and whether Matthew would prove to be a bigger issue than originally thought. Secondarily, because Cara left before I’d even gotten out of bed, indicating that she was still upset and would be for a while. Two could play at that game, but I gained no pleasure aside from the initial burst of irritation I felt towards how we were acting. Mom and Dad used to serve as a buffer when we fought, and those fights would end quicker when we got space away from each other. Now, the two of us living and working together provided more friction to keep our quarrel going indefinitely. I welcomed the distraction of the list I’d made of the Cullens. The more I focused on that, the less my stomach twisted about Cara.

I had assumed that Alice was picking me up as usual, but when the time came around, an unfamiliar honk sounded outside. At the curb sat Bella’s old, rusty red Chevy, exhaust rising into the cold February air. The truck had made me feel a little more at home in Forks the first week or two, as there were plenty of old broken down vehicles on the side of the road in Alabama. I waited for her to knock before opening the door.

“Hey,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, then uncrossing them and jamming her thumb in the northern direction. “Uh, Alice asked me to give you a ride? She was, um, supposed to text you. I don’t-I don’t know if you saw it or…”

She trailed off quietly and recrossed her arms again. I checked my phone, where there were no new messages from Alice, or anyone for that matter. Maybe she had forgotten.

“Thanks.”

She helped me down the steps and to the passenger door before stowing my crutches in the bed of the truck. The next six or so weeks, when I would hopefully be able to give them up, could not pass quick enough. The inside of the cab felt pleasantly warm compared to the wet, chilly outside air. It smelled like old upholstery, dust, and stale air, scents that were amplified by the heat running at max temperature.

“It’s freezing,” Bella hissed through gritted teeth as she slammed her door. It must have been a stubborn latch to need that much force. We weren’t the best of friends— I used that term loosely enough as it was— which set us up for a perfectly awkward twelve minute ride. I focused on warming my hands in front of the vents, like they were the most interesting thing in the world, while she maneuvered the neighborhood roads. Her radio, a fancy model which actually looked to be from this century, was on a local news station. A reporter recounted the violent deaths occurring in Seattle. I turned the dial up a little.

“That story is crazy,” I half said to myself, half said to break the uncomfortable silence. The number had risen to four attacks total in the span of just over a month. There was some speculation that a missing local had fallen victim to one of the attacks, though he had yet to be found. Seattle was hours away from Forks, but it still sent a chill up my spine to think. Bella didn’t seem to hear what I had said or the reporter for that matter, so I tried another approach.

“You usually ride with Edward, don’t you?”

That got her attention. Her eyes flicked over to me for just a second, to the radio, then back to the road. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, like I’d just asked her for a plan for world peace.

“Uh, yeah. He, Alice, and Jasper had an errand to run before school today. They’ll be about an hour or so late.”

I nodded, noting that Jasper wouldn’t miss tutoring, then tried to lightly press for some information.

“How long have you and Edward been dating anyway?”

“About six months,” she answered, then bit her lip again.

“You guys met this summer?” I tried to act like I didn’t know about the little siesta the Cullens had taken from Forks, hoping that Bella wasn’t informed about me knowing.

“No, we started dating last spring. We…took a break this fall.”

“Oh, okay. Well it’s good that y’all are back together I guess,” I said nonchalantly. It would do no good to press for too much information at one time. Whatever was going on there would have to come out little by little.

As the school’s marquee sign came into view, my mind shifted from one problem to the next. Matthew’s black Camry sat in its usual parking spot. He stood by the driver’s side door, as if he were waiting for someone. As if he were waiting for me. My stomach did a little flip in the most uncomfortable way as the truck slowly turned into the lot.

“Do you want me to walk with you to class?” Bella offered. A sudden feeling of affection for her surged through my body, displacing the uncomfortable feeling as we came to a stop as far from Matt’s car as possible.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

I guessed that Edward had told her about the dance, or maybe one of the other Cullens. Bella retrieved my crutches while I tried to stay hidden between the other cars. Maybe, just maybe, Matt would give up and head inside. I kept an eye on him, not paying any attention as Bella handed me my walking sticks. The cold metal was almost painful, but what really caught me off guard was the touch of her hands.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was very rare that I couldn’t read someone; usually only the dead fell into that group, but Bella was also completely blank. A few weeks ago, I had chalked it up to Jasper causing some interaction. At the time, I hadn’t given it much thought and felt it wasn’t worth noting. Now, with my list, I wasn’t so sure.

“Sorry, I know my hands are a little clammy,” she shrugged and slung her backpack over her right shoulder. She hadn’t even noticed me looking at her. I swallowed and turned away, making a mental note to add this to My List, but deciding there were bigger fish to fry at the moment. Angela, Jessica, and the guys must have already headed inside to get out of the chilly weather, as their cars were unattended. It was just Bella and I making our way across the pavement, directly in view of Matt. I tried to both ignore him and also peep whether he’d seen me, though it’s hard to miss the halting motion of someone on crutches, especially if you’re looking for it. My teeth ground together, waiting for him to call out my name or head in our direction, but it never happened. I chanced a glance his way and nearly tripped over my feet. One of Matt’s eyes was completely purplish-black, and his nose was covered by a white bandage. The corner of his mouth looked puffy and red, the thin red line of a cut just visible from where we were. Jasper must have done a number on him. My mouth twitched and I allowed myself a small smile, until our eyes met across the lot. The barely discernible look told me two things: one, that Matt did have the sense to not approach when I wasn’t alone. Two, that I couldn’t avoid him forever.

Lucky me.

☽●☾

Bella escorted me to Calculus without any issue, and Angela intercepted me on the way to Government. That was pure luck, as she was still oblivious to the events of this past weekend.

“What happened to you two the other night, but better yet, what in the world happened to Matthew’s face?”

I glanced around before grabbing my history notebook from my locker. Matt was nowhere to be found, and neither were the Cullens, I noted. Now was the time to figure out what the story was going to be. Did I tell Angela (and Jess, eventually) the truth? Maybe the obvious choice was ‘yes’ from the outside looking in, but a creeping sense of shame welled up in my stomach at the thought. Esme had assured me that I’d done nothing wrong, and at the time, it was easy to believe that.

“It’s a long story that we probably don’t have time for,” I said as we took our seats in class. Most everyone else was already there and worksheets were being passed out. If I did tell her the whole truth, we’d need more than five minutes.

Angela’s next class was in the opposite direction of the gym, causing me to hide in the bathroom until just before the bell rang. However, both Matt and I were delegated to the bleachers, much to my chagrin, just on opposite sides. He made no bones about glaring at me for the entire forty five minutes. I didn’t even have to check; I could feel his gaze like hot coals on my skin. Once Coach blew her whistle, signaling that PE was over, I decided to wait out the transition in the locker room. When I peeked my head out of the doorway, the gym floor was completely empty except for half a dozen discarded basketballs. My shoulders relaxed and the knot in my stomach loosened. Maybe he would leave me alone, and I was just being paranoid.

That would be too easy, wouldn’t it? The second I rounded the corner on the way to the library, Matt stepped out of the alcove of another classroom door. The hall was virtually empty; everyone had gone to lunch. Fear dropped in my stomach like a lead weight. Was he stupid enough to try something at school, where someone could walk by at any minute, though it seemed highly unlikely? I didn’t get the chance to find out. Just as I took a half of a step back, cool fingers landed on the inside of my elbow. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as the sweet scent of whiskey tickled my nose. I didn’t have to turn my head to know it was Jasper.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said coolly, not even looking my way. His eyes were trained on Matthew, who had gone pale as a ghost. My heart beat out a more jaunty rhythm than normal, either exacerbated by the evil dude in front of me or the hot one beside me. Matt kept walking in the direction of the cafeteria, keeping a wide berth until he passed us. We continued on, the coolness of Jasper’s fingers seeping through my shirt and sending chill bumps across my body. It’s only the cold, I told myself.

“Thanks for that,” I breathed once we were through the doors of the library. Ms Fields was nowhere to be found, as usual. Jasper just nodded, not meeting my eyes as he let go of my arm and started setting up. We were back to business as usual. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I had skipped breakfast and now lunch as well. I grabbed the baggie of apple slices and peanut butter that was supposed to be my “work-snack” later and Jasper started skimming the notes I’d taken in class, underlining and circling as he went.

“Want some?” I offered the bag towards him.

“Not hungry,” he replied curtly, neglecting to look up as he began writing out a few practice problems, seemingly off the top of his head. I should have known better than to ask; Jasper never ate when we studied in the library. Actually, I couldn’t recall the last time he’d eaten anything in the cafeteria on the days that we didn’t skip lunch. I added this to my ongoing mental list that I would later add to the physical list tucked away in my desk at home.

Speaking of that list, the most pressing bullet point was Jasper’s interference with my ability to empathetically connect with him. As I attempted the first problem, my mind replayed the last time it had happened, and I had tried to ask him about it. The whole idea had disappeared from my head, and I hadn’t been able to remember asking until later on in the day.

“You’re forgetting to combine like terms at this step,” Jasper sighed and plucked the pencil from my hand, careful to avoid my fingers, perhaps because he felt the same thing I did when our skin made contact. He corrected my mistake, and then placed the pencil down on the table. To keep from accidentally touching me?

“Right, thanks,” I muttered and moved on to the next few. But no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept going back to how Jasper had somehow evaded talking about the weird things happening between us. Would he be more apt to talk about it now? What if I caught him off guard? He was already getting frustrated at my lack of math skills; there was not telling how he’d react to such an unusual question.

“Collins, our next test is in a few days, and I know for certain that these types of problems are going to make up seventy-five percent of it. You’ve got to focus.”

I would have felt a little embarrassed about my poor performance if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand. After a third failed attempt, I decided that studying was getting us nowhere.

“I’m having a hard time focusing because there’s something that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” I confessed and closed my notebook. Jasper’s lips pressed into a thin line, but he didn’t say anything. My eyes returned to the cover of my Calculus notebook, tracing each doodle rather than meeting his eyes. I continued before I lost my nerve.

“You’re going to think that I’m crazy, but just hear me out for a second. I’ve— well I’ve never actually told anyone this so please don’t laugh. Whenever I touch someone, I can…sense what they’re feeling. Like, emotions and stuff. It's called pathokinesis, or at least, that’s what some article said it was. My reason for bringing this up is because in the past, when our hands have touched, I—”

The words stuck in my throat, unwilling to move any further. Everything I’d said so far played back through my head and sounded just a little bit unhinged. What if it was all in my head, the part with Jasper? What if he actually hadn’t been experiencing the same thing? What if he was starting to think that I wasn’t only dumb but crazy as hell? My cheeks flared at the thought.

“Yes?” Jasper asked expectantly. His right eyebrow lifted although the look on his face gave nothing away. This was a mistake.

“Nothing, just forget I said anything. Cara’s mad at me about the dance, so I didn’t sleep all that great, and Matthew has me on edge. My brain is fried. Anyway, I’m gonna get a head start to my art class.”

I shoved my books into my bag and made to stand up to grab my crutches when Jasper’s hand wrapped around my arm and tugged me down into my chair again. The end of his pinky finger brushed the exposed skin at my wrist. As always, the world spun with too much feeling, but only for a brief second.

“I’m guessing it feels like that?”

My mouth hung open until the right words strung themselves together in my brain.

“So you do feel it!” I half whispered, since Ms Fields chose that moment to return from the teachers’ lounge. The bell rang, signaling the end of free period. I ignored it.

“This means I’m not crazy, and there is something strange going on. Am I the only person you feel that with? Do you have a type of pathokinesis? Have you done any research on this?”

As excited as I felt, Jasper looked equally exasperated as he ran a hand over his face and sighed loudly. He stood and started gathering his things, making me think he was going to bypass all of my questions. I followed him to the door, fully prepared to keep up the interrogation if needed.

“This isn’t really the best place to talk about it. There’s too many people that might hear,” he finally said as we headed toward the east side of campus. “Besides, there’s not enough time to hash it out on the way to your art class.”

The statement momentarily sidetracked my thoughts.

“You’re walking me to class?”

“There’s only so many risks I’m willing to take,” he replied, the corner of his mouth tugging slightly upward. I wasn’t 100% sure what he meant by that; maybe he was referring to the run in with Matthew earlier.

“Okay, then when?” I was nothing if not persistent. The door to my class was only a few feet away. It felt like if I didn’t establish some sort of deadline now, I may never get the answers I wanted. Jasper’s mouth set back into a thin line, and I wondered what he was thinking at that moment.

“I’ve got to swing by the hospital this afternoon to see Carlisle. I can give you a ride, and we can talk about it then. Deal?”

“Deal!” I smirked and turned to walk into class, feeling absolutely triumphant.

A/N: this chapter has taken longer to write than I thought it would. I've erased and rewritten so much of it so many times. Hopefully it was worth the wait <3

Chapter 15: answers

Chapter Text

The idea that I might finally get some answers, might finally have someone to talk to about the sixth sense that’d always been a part of my life was enough to have me completely distracted the rest of the school day. Alice, too, had the glazed over look that I’d seen in her eyes a few times while we were in art and on the way to my science class. Somehow, she dodged her way through the mass of students and Brute trash cans without hitting a single one.

With every passing minute, my nerves wound a little tighter. I learned about as much in science that day as I usually did in math without the help of Jasper. I was too busy trying to organize my thoughts and compile the most important things to ask or bring up during the short ride to the hospital from school. I’d only have about ten minutes, max. Would that be enough?

“Don’t look so satisfied with yourself,” Jasper rolled his eyes, but his voice was lighter, a little playful. “If you grin anymore, your face’ll split in two.”

He appeared beside me at the exact moment I spotted Matt standing near the doorway. His fingers twitched, either from having to walk so slow to keep pace with me or because he wanted to finish the work he had started on Matthew’s face Saturday night. The fool had enough sense not to sit in his usual seat behind me, and instead found an empty desk on the other side of the room. Jasper took Matt’s former seat, a development that I noted with mild curiosity.

As much as I liked Pride and Prejudice, my mind was elsewhere during the usual class discussion. I could feel both the angry glare from across the room and the prickling of my skin from being so near to Jasper. By the time the bell rang for school to dismiss that afternoon, my stomach was tied into a large knot, and there was a lump stuck in my throat.

“Are you feeling alright?” Mrs. Wallace asked from where she stood by the door as I exited with Jasper directly behind me.

“Yeah, I’m great!” I smiled and tried to swallow the lump that made talking, made breathing, such a laborious task. Outside, the cool, damp air helped to clear my mind a little. Across the lot, Angela waved her hand to get my attention, then pointed towards her car. She had been driving me to the hospital for work most afternoons and probably thought I’d be hitching a ride again. I had forgotten to tell her about Jasper, partly because it would bring up a few questions that I wasn’t ready to answer. I would have to eventually, especially the questions about the night of the dance, but it’d have to wait until later. I pointed towards Jasper who had overtaken me on the way to a black vehicle that I hadn’t seen him driving before. Angela tilted her head and furrowed her brow, then made the universal “call me” sign before turning away. Yup, she would sooo bust me later.

I carefully placed my things in the back of the very shiny, very expensive, looking Mercedes, then hobbled into the passenger’s side. The leather still smelled new, and the interior looked immaculate, just like the Cullen house had. You’d never be able to tell that anyone had driven the car before today from looking at it.

Jasper silently slid into the driver’s seat and started the car. The engine roared to life; I took a deep breath to try and right myself. He switched on the heater, even though the car hadn’t had enough time to warm up. I hugged my torso for warmth and to keep all the jitteriness inside.

“So,” I said, not sure where to start even though I’d been thinking about nothing else for the last few hours.

“So,” he parroted back, then heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair, something that I’d noticed him doing when he was frustrated or particularly deep in thought. Like when I struggled to grasp a math concept (more than usual, that is). I took a deep breath and tried again. Hopefully I wouldn’t completely fumble this.

“About our conversation in the library earlier. What were you going to tell me?”

The silence stretched out for an uncomfortable length of time. The longer it went, the more I became unsure about where this was heading. Maybe I’d been too presumptuous.

“I don’t rightly know why or how it happens, but you ain’t the only one that has some unexplainable…gift.”

He hesitated, taking a second to glance my way and gauge my reaction. I tried to lift my eyebrows in what I hoped was an encouraging and hopeful expression.

“You called it pathokinesis, I’ve heard that name too. I don’t rightly know when it started, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to sort of sense the emotions of people around me, more than what’s normal. It’s a constant awareness."

I could hardly believe what I was hearing, that someone else shared a similar experience as me. However, if Jasper could sense all emotions of anyone around him at any given time, that meant…

“I can feel that too. You’re embarrassed, but you shouldn’t be. It is a little invasive at times, but I don’t always know who the emotions are aimed at, just that they’re there. For example, you’ve been on edge all day, and I thought it was because of Matt. But then you mentioned fighting with your sister, as well. The nervousness you feel towards her was easier to differentiate once I knew.”

My cheeks warmed at all the emotions Jasper could have read from me in the last several weeks, though at least I wasn’t the only one susceptible to his gift. Everyone’s feelings were on display for him at school. Thank God he couldn’t read my mind.

“I’ll probably regret telling you this,” he sighed again, like our conversation was taking a great effort. “I can also alter those emotions. It’s usually not on purpose, but when someone is feeling an overwhelmingly negative emotion, it’s hard to stop. Constantly feeling the emotions of others, especially when they’re in pain, it can be…difficult not to assume those same feelings. Sometimes I have an influence without realizing it.”

All of this information wawa starting to answer questions I had not only about our weird connection, but about Jasper in general.

“Is that the real reason you have so many migraines? Not because of some medical issue, but because it gets to be too much sometimes?”

He nodded his head, mouth twisting into a wry smile.

“That’s partly true. I do have a medical condition that causes me to miss school often, but yes, the migraines are mostly bogus.”

His medical records suddenly made a lot more sense. Either Carlisle knew, too, or Jasper had done a good enough job of faking to get by.

“Does your family know?”

“Yes. Does yours?”

I shook my head.

“Now it’s your turn,” he probed. I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

“It’s not much different from what you’ve said. I’ve always been able to read peoples’ emotions, but I’ve gotta be touching their skin to do it. Don’t reckon I’m any more or less perceptive than anyone else without it.”

He nodded again. “That’s kind of what I’d figured.”

We were now silent for a minute. The ride was coming to an end, and although I had gotten a lot more information than I’d hoped, there were more questions budding about what this meant for us.

“Whenever I’ve touched you, I get this real weird, kind of dizzying feeling. There’s a lot of emotions swirling around, but I can’t focus on one because they move too fast. You feel that, too?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Any ideas on why that happens? I’ve never felt it before until I met you.”

“My theory is that when you touch me, you feel all of the emotional stimuli that I feel. In return, I feel what you’re now feeling, and it’s like this emotional feedback loop that keeps going until we separate. What do you think?”

What he explained made a lot of sense based on the reaction that we had to each other’s skin. I sat back in my seat and let out a large breath. It was unbelievable. What were the odds that I had met someone like me, after moving to the other end of the country? Were there more people that had a gift like this? Was it even truly a gift for Jasper, who could never turn it off? I felt grateful that I could at least find a reprieve at will.

We’d pulled into the hospital’s parking lot; I was exceedingly aware of my disappointment, mostly because I now knew that Jasper could sense it, too. I suspected that I’d be aware of that from now on. A small price to pay for the information I’d gained.

“Have I answered all your questions?” Jasper put the car in park at a spot near the main entrance so I wouldn’t have to limp very far. I turned to properly look at him for the first time since we’d gotten in the vehicle. I was never fully prepared to look at the Cullens — their unusual beauty could take your breath away. Despite that, I couldn’t ignore the fact that Jasper looked unsettled; his jaw muscles were clenched ever so slightly and the knuckles of the hand that gripped the steering wheel were whiter than the surrounding skin. What was I supposed to make of that? Was sitting in a car with me uncomfortable for him? He had made it clear on several occasions that I was not his favorite person. Then again, on other such occasions, it became unclear.

“I do have one more question,” I dug my fingernails into my palm to try and keep my nerve.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you dance with me last weekend? I had the impression that you weren’t my biggest fan.”

I watched his face for any hints at what he was thinking. If only I could reach out with my pinky…no, now that he knew, he’d be careful to keep enough distance. Jasper’s eyebrows pulled together just a smidgen, and he turned away.

“It was just a dance, Collins. Don’t read too much into it.”

Ouch. I wasn’t sure why, but I hadn’t been expecting that.

“Well, thanks for the ride. Your secret’s safe with me.” I reached to open the car door and climb out. The cloudy sky had opened up once again, letting down a persistent drizzle that soaked and chilled to the bone.

☽●☾

“That….that….bastard!”

I’d never heard Angela say anything more scandalous than ‘heck,’ but as I finished recounting the events of this weekend, she obviously couldn’t hold back.

“I swear, the next time I see him, I’ll–”

“Give him two black eyes, a broken nose, and a busted lip? Luckily for you, that’s been taken care of.”

I’d told her everything, well, except for the conversation Jasper and I had that afternoon. I’d promised to keep it between the two of us, no matter what he and I felt towards each other.

“I’m so sorry, Collins. You should have never had to go through that. Jess or I should have been paying better attention when you started acting differently, but I thought you were just getting tired and clumsy with your boot.”

“It’s fine, Angela. Really,” I rolled over onto my back and propped my legs against the wall. “It’s not your fault that Matthew turned out to be a total jerk. I honestly just want to forget that I ever met him. It’d be a lot easier to do that if he wasn’t in one of my classes,” I grumbled.

“Yeah, I know right? But at least you have Jasper to protect you,” the teasing in her voice came through the phone loud and clear. “Is he giving you rides to the hospital now? Is it going to be a regular thing?”

“No ma’am, it most certainly will not. He just wanted to check on how I was feeling,” I lied a little too easily. Unpacking the whole pathokinesis bond was more than she’d bargained for and more than I was ready to get into. Exposing Jasper would end up exposing myself too, and regardless, it wasn’t necessary to out either of us like that.

Angela had to hang up early to help get her brothers ready for bed. I was thankful, as she was starting to insinuate that my relationship with Jasper was more than just student-tutor related. No matter how far from the truth that was, she wouldn’t believe me no matter how much I denied it.

As I crawled into bed, the next step of my Cullen Operation was clear: figure out how to hide my emotions from Jasper Hale.

Chapter 16: feelings

Chapter Text

“You’re trying to hide your emotions from me, aren’t you?”

Jasper had been out for over a week for what I had assumed was the unspecified medical condition that he had mentioned during our last conversation. Alice had taken it upon herself to head up my “security team,” as she called it, making sure I got to school in one piece and stayed that way. We had a schedule of who could walk me to and from certain classes so that if Matthew had the bright idea to try and approach me, then I wouldn’t be alone. Admittedly, it’d been nice to not worry about Jasper’s gift invading my privacy and it was nice to see Alice, Jess, and Angela getting chummy, but the longer he was gone, the further we got in Calculus. I had started to get nervous as the material was getting increasingly harder and we had a test at the end of the week.

Now, he was sitting across from me, nonchalantly flipping a pencil into the air and then catching it between his thumb and forefinger after it made exactly one rotation. I, on the other hand, was trying to divide my focus between math and concealing anything I felt. How were you supposed to do that with an empath, and how did Jasper know that I had been?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled and tried to think of something happy, hoping that it would affect my emotional state enough to blanket anything else.

“Because, for one, you’re working as slow as molasses on a skill that you’re pretty confident in, and two…”

He trailed off, making me look up.

“It’s hard to describe but I can tell. I can feel it. Like you’re putting on a show with your emotions. They’re too…transparent.”

So much for that plan.

“Okay, so what if I am?” I dropped my pencil, crossed my arms, and leaned back in my chair, giving him an irritated look. “It’s a little unnerving to have you prying into my mind. Into anyone’s mind all the time.”

“It’s not like I can help it. Trust me, I try,” Jasper huffed and caught the pencil one last time. “I can tune out a little but between 400 other hormonally deranged students, I get worn slap out.”

He made an unfortunate amount of sense. I had the luxury of getting to rein in any psychic power when needed; the constant exposure could probably drive anyone crazy.

“How do you tune it out? I’ve been trying to bounce around in my head all day. Guess it’s not working,” I resumed my math problems to try and ignore the Cullen Effect (™) — it’s what I’d named that weird feeling they all cause in my head. Jasper didn’t answer for a while, long enough to make me think he hadn’t been paying attention to the question. It was better that we focused on math anyway, right? That was the whole point in us spending every darn free period in the library when instead, I could be curled up near the window with a book and he could be…..well, doing whatever it was he wanted to do. Camp out in the nurse’s office with a fake migraine, probably.

“I’m not very good at it,” Jasper said so quietly, it was hard to make out the words. He sounded almost sad about it, as if it were some personal failure.

“Yeah, well, apparently I’m not either,” I snorted. “Is there anything that helps?”

“Focusing on something or someone else. If I find someone that’s in a really good mood, I can zero in on them, but then it runs the risk of my mood affecting them. Win some, lose some. You forgot a decimal place in your answer.”

He’d corrected my answer before I’d even finished writing it. Turd.

“I wish I could block out what happens when I touch you,” I sighed, then cringed at the verbiage. Ugh, he knew what I’d meant. If I could learn to block him out, then I could probably block out anyone. It hadn’t been too much of a problem before, but now that there was the possibility of other empaths tuning into my mind without me knowing, it’d be nice to guard against it. But how? Jasper had seen through my attempt almost immediately, much to my chagrin. There wasn’t even anything that I worried about him sensing — except for maybe the occasions that I thought he was hot (always) or an asshole (almost always). But it wasn’t like he could read my mind. That would be an absolute disaster.

There were only a few minutes left of free period, which meant only a few minutes of having to endure extra math work. It was true that the most recent topic wasn’t too difficult compared to previous ones; however, tests always freaked me out a little. After the last problem was worked, I took a second to massage my temples and clear my head.

“Maybe you can block it out. We can block it out,” Jasper regarded me with an unflinching gaze of interest. Once again, I noticed his eye color. They were the lightest I’d ever seen: a dazzling butterscotch. Was it me, or were they changing no matter what the lighting situation was? I could add that to my list, now that I’d crossed off #2. Boy, was I on a roll.

“How do you figure?”

He shrugged.

“I’m not sure how this would work, but maybe we could try to find a way to block it out. Together.”

That didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Sure, I’m game. I just don’t know how you think that’s gonna go. I can’t prevent you from sensing how I feel, and you can’t stop it either.”

He thought about that for a moment, tapping the eraser of his pencil on the table.

“We can sort that out as we go.”

We both got up from our seats as the bell rang. This was definitely something to consider. I would love to figure it out, but the idea of spending more time with Jasper gave me mixed emotions. He could be touchy at the best of times and temperamental at the worst. Sometimes, I got the Jasper that asked me to dance and carried me across the parking lot on his back. Other times, I got the one that cornered me against the lockers when he learned he’d have to tutor me to graduate on time. If it was any concession, he was walking me to some of my classes to keep Matt in line. I could give him credit where credit was due.

“We can try,” I decided. I walked into art before he could say anything else.

☽●☾

Cara and I hadn’t made up and it was starting to get pretty unbearable. Work was fine; we could avoid each other easily, but supper had become a silently awkward affair where we both tried to act like the other wasn’t there. I knew that I couldn’t keep it up for long, though every time I made a step towards mending things, I would get angry all over again. It couldn’t go on forever, not if she and I were planning to live together for the next few months. And then what? Would I move back to Alabama for college, or stay in the area? Go to a new state completely? Initially, the plan had been to go to Auburn with Bethany, where we could share an apartment and have the most amazing college experience ever. We’d go to parties and bars, get brunch on the weekends, and attend every sporting event (with hot dates, obviously). I would be hearing back any day now about the scholarship applications I’d submitted to the university. What was I going to do if I’d actually managed to secure financial aid? Would I take it and go? Or would I stay in Forks and get a couple of years of community college out of the way before transferring elsewhere? I needed to talk to my parents, to Bethany. Angela and Jess. Maybe even Cara.

Dinner would be a great peace offering, I’d decided during English while ignoring both Jasper and Matt. I would cook her favorite pasta dish and then things would get at least a little better. I could apologize too, even though I wasn’t convinced I’d been the one at fault. But spring break was fastly approaching, and if Cara and I were feuding around mom and dad, they’d instantly know.

On the way to work, I broached the topic of college with Jess and Angela.

“I wanna go to California,” Jess gazed out of the window at the gray storm clouds that were completely covering the sun. “I’m so sick of this weather. I don’t think I’ve seen the sun since we went shopping for dresses, and it’s making me all pasty looking. I so need a tanning membership; my mom would absolutely freak out, though.”

She examined her hands, which had lost color over the last two months. My own skin was paler without the frequent sunshine I had been used to in Alabama. It would be nice to get away from the dreary weather, if only for a little while.

“I’m bound for Washington State. Eric is going to try and transfer in from Big Bend, assuming we’re still together at that point,” she sighed, turning onto the main road. I’d not heard Angela or Eric complain about their relationship at all since I’d known them. As far as anyone else knew, they were perfectly happy, and had been since this time last year.

“What, you don’t think it’ll last?” Jessica leaned over the console and raised an eyebrow conspiratorially. “Eric’s crazy about you. He’d be stupid to break up.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you two were having issues,” I piped up from the back seat. Angela wasn’t one to complain anyway, but she wouldn’t lie to us outright when we asked.

“I don’t know. Things are fine and I’m actually really excited to be on my own. I’m just afraid he’ll find somebody more interesting before those two years are up,” Angela’s voice turned soft and pained. This must have been something she’d thought about more often than Jess or I were aware. From what I’d seen, Eric was crazy about Angela; wherever she was, he was there too. They came as a pair no matter what the occasion. And as much as I loved Eric and his interesting hobbies, I couldn’t imagine anyone else loving him the way that Angela did. She was 100% devoted — that could be hard to find in a high school relationship, based on my own experience.

“You totally have nothing to worry about, but I know just what’ll cheer you up,” Jess grinned and started furiously texting, “beach trip! You in, Collins?”

“Uh, sure. What beach do y’all usually go to? I don’t think my boot is waterproof but I can bring snacks.”

“La Push, and before you think about inviting Alice, don’t bother.”

I recoiled at the blatant sneer. Jess and Alice had been getting along super well lately, even going so far as to talk about fashion during our midmorning break.

“No offense, but the Cullens never go to La Push. Like, ever. Bella tried to get Edward to go the last time we planned a trip, but even he wouldn’t. And you know how they are,” Jess flicked her hand over her shoulder. “Practically inseperable.”

I ignored the fact that being inseparable was a good thing while we were hyping up Angela but wasn’t when talking about Bella and chose to focus on the part about the Cullens never going to La Push. It was another seemingly harmless but still interesting detail to add to my list when I got home.

☽●☾

I heard Cara’s key slide into the lock just as I sat a basket of garlic bread onto the small table we used to share meals. That hadn’t happened lately with the tension so thick, you could slice through it with a knife, and it was nice to see the place settings laid out. My work in the kitchen was much slower than usual thanks to my bum leg, but it had all come together in the end. Now to get Cara sat and full of pasta.
“Are you in the dining room?” Cara called while shutting the door.

“Yes!” I yelled back. It was more of an extension of the kitchen than a true, formal dining room. The table was square and sat four raised chairs, which I had some trouble hopping into at the time. “Are you hungry?”

Instead of giving an answer, there was the sound of her kitten heels on the hardwood floor coming down the hallway. Her keys jangled as she put them on the set of hooks, but she stopped there. The expression on her face was curious, almost confused, as she looked from the table, to me, and then back again.

“You cooked?”

She sounded surprised, as if she had never had my cooking before.

“Well, yeah. I made your favorite.”

Her favorite was this really easy, but really good recipe for pasta. It included a pot full of marinara, a block of cream cheese, ground beef, and enough grated parmesan to sink the Titanic. Noodles were whatever we had on hand, but I preferred the rotini; they held onto the sauce best. I’d made garlic bread as well, so nice and buttery that it gleamed. Cara hesitantly made a move for an empty plate and began scooping pasta while I poured two glasses of sweet tea. As we sat to eat, I noticed she still paused for a split second to say Grace over the meal, even if it was silent versus the long, verbal prayers my dad insisted upon at the beginning of every meal we had together. I know the food is good before taking a bite, because the look on Cara’s face is pure delight.

“I haven’t had this in forever,” she mumbled around a mouthful of garlic bread. “Things have been so hectic at the hospital.”

I think, really start to think, about how busy Cara has been and the amount of stress that she feels concerning her patients. She’s one of the few mental health specialists in the area, and the only one currently working with the hospital to provide mental health services. She had mentioned at one point that her caseload had grown considerably in the last year or so, some of the cases being tied to distressing local events.

The table becomes quiet except for the sound of forks scraping plates and the setting of glass down after drinking. The heater kicks on, fighting against the chilly air that makes its way through the less than tight house. We’re both almost done with our first helping when Cara blurted out:

“I’m sorry that I was such a hard ass the other day. I just…”

She set her fork down and ran her hands over her face, stopping to rub the heels of her palms into her eyes.

“You know how mom and dad are.”

That’s true, I did know how they are. Ever since I was born, they’d put pressure on Cara to be like a third parent, no matter how much they say they didn’t mean for it to happen. It drives both of us crazy for different reasons. Me, because I don’t need someone else telling me what to do all the time; Cara, because she has enough to worry about as it is. She didn’t need another thing on her plate, so there’s no wonder I’ve been picking up waves of irritation off of her since I moved in.

“I’m sorry for making you worry, but one second, I was at the dance, and the next, I was waking up-” I almost slipped and said Jasper’s bed before realizing that conversation would not go well, “-in Alice’s room.”

Cara nodded and speared the remainder of her pasta with her fork.

“Did the school ever find out who did it?”

I realized that I never had told Cara exactly what happened. The story had been that someone spiked the punch bowl, not Matt spiking my drink.

“Um, about that.”

I tell her everything, still leaving out the part about Jasper rearranging Matt’s face and the fact that I woke up in his bed. Part of me felt silly for not wanting to report it at the time but at least he got what was coming for him. At the end, Cara was quiet as she spooned out more food onto her plate.

“Collins, I really think you should tell the police about this. What he did is wrong on so many levels, and he could try it on someone else,” she started to yell at the end as her voice rose. “At least talk to Charlie. Please.”

I turned the idea over in my head, thinking about all the ways it could go wrong or what consequences it could have. Matthew would be even more pissed than he already was, if Chief Swan decided to take action. However, with the way Alice, Jasper, Angela, and Jess had been constantly with me during school, and even out of school, there wasn’t much Matt could do.

“I’ll think about it.”

☽●☾

“Collins, you have to focus or this is just a waste of time that you could be studying,” Jasper grumbled, pulling his hand away for the umpteenth time. Our pathokinesis blocking practice was going worse than tutoring ever did, if that was even possible. Each time our hands touched, I wasn’t able to prevent the back and forth loop. Jasper was having some success, though not enough to cut it off completely. I glanced over to the circulation desk, nervous that Ms. Fields would hear us and think we were practicing some form of witchcraft, but she was still buried in a book catalog, planning out her next order. She hadn’t even noticed our move from our usual table to the reading nook by the window. I’d insisted upon the bean-bag chairs in favor of the hard wooden ones that made my butt go numb within five minutes of sitting. Jasper kept close to the wall, while I enjoyed whatever sunlight occasionally filtered through the clouds, no matter how rare.

“I’m trying,” I whined, tucking a foot under myself and readjusting my position, as if that would somehow help. “Not all of us are as naturally gifted as you seem to be.”

“Clearly.”

I wanted to smack him so that his eyes stayed in the same place as he rolled them. He was more dedicated to this endeavor than I had anticipated he would be. His face twisted into a look of concentration as he extended his hand again.

“This time, try and imagine some type of block or wall. Like a dam holding back a river.”

I didn’t bother to tell Jasper that I’d already kind of tried that, but what use was it when we were dealing with mental (or maybe, spiritual) aspects as opposed to physical? If I could build a literal brick wall between use and take it with me wherever I went, then my problem would be solved. We touched our fingers together once again, only for it to have the same effect. Jasper groaned in frustration.
“I’m sorry,” I scramble to say before he can pin me with a glare. “I just have some things on my mind right now.”

“Like what?”

I initially had no intention of sharing anything, but the look on his face said that he thought there was scarcely anything important going on in my life, and I wanted to prove him wrong.

“Where do I start? One, I’m still waiting on scholarship results for college, as well as trying to decide if I still want to attend my choice school.”

This was probably a foreign concept to any of the Cullens if they were as rich as their clothes, cars, and house made it appear.

“Two, my sister and I are supposed to be flying to France over spring break to visit my parents and I hate flying. And three, Cara suggested that I talk to Chief Swan about the night of the Valentine’s dance, and I’ve not yet figured out whether that’s a good idea or not.”

Jasper seemed exceptionally uninterested in my reasons for not being able to concentrate until I brought up the Matt Incident. It was only then that his whole body angled in my direction and his expression became strained.

“You’re more likely to die in a car wreck than a plane crash,” he recited the statistic, though it provided me with little comfort. Cars usually didn’t have the tendency to fall out of the sky. “And have you decided whether or not you’re going to talk to Chief Swan?”

It was the last point that he was genuinely interested in, though I couldn’t be sure why. Could he be worried that I would accidentally let it slip that Jasper had been the cause of the black eyes and broken nose? Was he afraid it would damage Edward’s and Bella’s relationship with Charlie somehow?

“I’m still thinking about it. The idea of having to rehash everything is…daunting.”

Neither of us said anything for a long moment; he flipped a pencil between his fingers, his brow furrowed and lips pursed. I kept my hands in my lap, clasping them together and twisting my fingers one way, then the next. Ms. Fields disappeared into the storage room behind the desk for a moment, leaving Jasper and me alone in the library. Being alone with him was unsettling, whether due to the alarm bells, his disagreeable personality, or how attractive he was. I tried to ignore all three.

“I could go with you, if you want.”

The idea, at first, seemed absurd. Jasper and I spent time together in school for tutoring but rarely spent time together outside of school, extenuating circ*mstances notwithstanding. It caught me off guard to have him suggest that we do anything together that wasn’t mandated by a teacher or out of necessity. In fact, it was nice, even kind, of him to offer to go with me. I mulled the idea over. Having Jasper with me would strengthen my story, since he was an eyewitness. I had no reason to doubt that Charlie would believe me, but there was always the small possibility that I wouldn’t be taken seriously.

“I’m still thinking about it, but I’ll let you know when we get to English.”

As I reached to grab my backpack, his hand shot out and grabbed it first, swinging it over his shoulder as if it weighed nothing.

“Are you…carrying my backpack?”

“You limp faster without it.”

☽●☾

In the end, I agreed to talk to Chief Swan that afternoon. Before I could let Carlisle know, Jasper had already called and informed him that I wouldn’t be in today. He understood. Alice was ecstatic, mostly because she got to drive Jasper’s bike home while we took her yellow Porsche. If I had a Porsche, I would not loan it out to my sibling, especially if that sibling had a tendency to grip the steering wheel so hard that their knuckles turned white. It gave me the impression that Jasper got nervous driving with passengers that weren’t his family, but he handled the car with perfection and a little excess speed. The entire ride was quiet, which also made it unnerving. We could talk about Calculus, and we could talk about our weird abilities, but anything other than that was pretty much uncharted territory that I didn’t intend to explore right then. Jasper didn’t initiate a conversation either, so I kept myself occupied by listening to the outlaw country music he had playing over the radio and the trees racing past. My stomach twisted in anticipation that had nothing to do with my chauffeur. Reliving that night from a month ago was not at the top of my list of things that I’d like to do in my spare time, and there would be a lot of difficult questions that Charlie would have to ask. I’d never been questioned by the police before, but I knew enough to not get my hopes up too high on the efficacy of a small town police force.

As we pulled up to the station, I noticed a familiar dark gray Volvo parked in the gravel lot beside a few other cars.

“Is that Edward’s car?” I asked, breaking the relative silence in the car.

“Mhm,” Jasper replied, clearly not having expected to see him here. I remembered back to the last few times I’d been around both of them without our friend group around. Each time, it’d seemed that they were unhappy with each other at best, and arguing at worst. Whatever it had been about, I could never shake the feeling that I was involved somehow.

“Hey Bella. Edward,” I greeted both of them while carefully navigating the steps. They sat outside of the station on a wooden bench, waiting for Charlie, I assumed.

“Hi,” they replied in unison, though Edward’s reply was curt as his eyes narrowed on Jasper behind me. I leaned against the railing and tried to pretend that the tension in the air wasn’t actually there. The temperature, which had been getting warmer with the arrival of spring, seemed to chill a few degrees.

“What are you two up to?” Bella also seemed to want to alleviate the awkwardness, as she turned her attention mainly to me. Jasper and Edward looked to be having a silent conversation between themselves.

“We’re gonna talk to Charlie — I mean, the Chief — about, um…”

The words stopped there, and I wasn’t really sure how to finish the sentence.

“About Matthew Johnson’s decision to make a really stupid decision a month or so ago,” Jasper supplied, which I thought was a fitting description. Bella nodded and chanced a glance at Edward, who still was focused on his brother.

“Charlie’s finishing up with a missing person’s case, but he should be done soon. Know anything about a Riley Biers in Seattle?”

“Can’t say I do.”

I tried to peer in through the window in the door, but Charlie’s desk was too far to the left and the people sitting in the chairs had their backs to me. A woman, at least I think it was a woman, had her head lowered in her hands while a man that I assumed was her husband placed a hand on her shoulders. After a few seconds, they both stood and made their way to the door. I quickly jerked my head away and hoped that they would know I’d been trying to spy on them. We all tried to not look at them as they walked past to their car; Charlie propped against the open door, his face a mixture of sympathy, confusion, and annoyance.

“Collins. Jasper. You two can head on in and have a seat, I’ll be in in a minute.”

I didn’t waste any time considering that Bella was still grounded and Charlie was still pissed at Edward for whatever influence he had in Bella taking a random flight to Italy out of the blue a few months ago. After I eased myself down into one of the chairs, Jasper placed my crutches against a wall and then settled himself to my right. I bounced my unbooted leg and looked around and the little details of the room. It was mostly bare and minimalistic, with only a picture of Bella on the desk to show any personality. She appeared to be about twelve in the picture and shying away from the camera with a crooked smile.

There was the sound of a car starting up, and then Charlie opened the door to come inside. Bella remained sitting on the wooden bench, watching as Edward pulled onto the road and zoomed away, traveling just at the speed limit.

“So,” Charlie plopped down in his office chair and moved his eyes between Jasper and me. “What’s all this about?”

The story in and of itself was pretty simple, but would he understand why I hadn’t come forth with it sooner? I glanced towards Jasper for help, who was watching me as intently as Charlie. He shifted just a fraction of an inch in his seat. Like magic, my mind started to slow down and a pleasant calmness washed over me. I’d felt it before, during a math test, but didn't know at the time that he was the cause. I took a deep breath and tried my best to convey the exact details of that night.

“At the Valentine’s dance last month, someone tampered with my drink, but I didn’t know it until later. There were a few witnesses that saw me after I got intoxicated, but only Jasper and Alice saw me when I tried to leave with my date. I don’t really remember much after that, so Jasper would have to fill in the blanks.”

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Charlie pulled a paper out of a file folder on his desk and began jotting down a few words here and there while mumbling to himself.

“Who exactly was your date?” Charlie asked once his pen stilled. This was the hardest part. Once I made the accusation, I couldn’t take it back. I mean, it was true that Matthew had spiked my drink, but the idea of putting it out there and the repercussions of starting a whole investigation stopped me short.

“Well, that’s…that’s the thing,” I started slowly, unsure of how to proceed. “I don’t want to press charges; I just want to make the local police aware and then be done with it.”

Tears burned behind my eyes, and I wondered what the limit to Jasper’s power was. How much of my emotion could he control before I snapped out of his range and shook him off completely?

“So you…don’t want to press charges?” Charlie took a deep breath, closed his eyes, then let the air out slowly. “I can’t advise you either way, but just so you are aware, he won’t face any consequences from this incident if you don’t press charges. If there is no investigation.”

He looked between Jasper and me again, as if he was trying to impress the words into our minds with his eyes. Finally Jasper spoke up.

“I don’t think that will be a problem. What about you, Collins?”

I nodded my head, then shook it.

“No, I’m fine with that. I just want to give a tip off in case something similar ever were to get reported.”

Despite how much it seemed to pain Charlie, he agreed to file an unofficial statement if I would give up Matthew’s name. I finally relented, figuring that it would do the most good for them to have an idea of who to consider should anyone ever be in the same situation. Or should I ever mysteriously go missing.

Jasper wasn’t any more talkative on the ride to my house, but he was noticeably more polite than he’d been the last few weeks. He helped me put my crutches away and opened the door when entering and exiting the vehicle, something that he normally would let me manage alone. During the drive, he cranked the heater up and checked that the temperature was to my liking before putting a Johnny Cash CD in the player. I wondered if I’d ever mentioned how much I liked the artist, but couldn’t think of a single time that we’d talked about music tastes. It was clear we both liked country, even though neither of us had mentioned it.

“Thanks for the support,” I sighed, leaning back into the soft leather chair. “Both physical and supernatural. How far does that extend anyway?”

“Depends on how well or how long I’ve known the person, and if I’m purposefully seeking them out. I can sense and affect my family from a couple hundred yards away.”

“What about me? Have you tested that out?”

His lips pulled into a grin, something that I rarely saw on him. He has an amazing smile, I thought, and then immediately was grateful that he couldn’t read my mind, only my emotions. I just had to keep those underwraps, too.

“Not really; I’ve never had a need to. You’re usually only a few feet away when my influence is needed.”

There were a few math tests that he’d helped me calm down during. Then the dance, at the police station, in the library when he tried to deter me from knowing about his ability in the first place. What other times had he done it? Would I be able to figure it out now that I knew?

“I don’t just mess with your emotions for fun,” he chided, clearly reading the expression on my face. “I actually try not to if I can help it.”

“And you just can’t help yourself around me, can you?” I joked, poking him playfully in the arm. His smile remained, but now it was strained and the knuckles of the hand gripping the steering wheel had turned even whiter than the rest of his skin, if that was possible. The silence stretched between us and when he glanced at me, my heart gave an unsteady THUMP against my ribcage. I swallowed a mouthful of spit and cleared my throat. This was not good, not good. Having a crush on your hot tutor is one thing, but having a crush on your hot tutor that’s kind of a jerk for no reason is another.

The rest of the car ride passed with only the rain and the strains of music barely audible. When we pulled up to my house, I was prepared for him to just drop me off and drive away; instead, he helped me up the steps despite the much improved crutches skills I’d acquired over the last month or so. Cara was working late, again, a fact that made me suddenly a little nervous when Jasper opened the door and stepped in to let me by. Being alone with Jasper in our living room gave me the same feeling as being alone with him in the library had. I shoved the feelings down, not ready to dissect what they were or what they meant with him near enough to feel them too. Some subconscious part of me knew exactly what it meant, and wanted to invite him to stay a while if he was going to keep acting so kind. The other part of me wanted to run (badly) up the stairs and shut myself in my room. The tension was building again and I needed it to dissipate. I handed him a towel to dry off with so the water wouldn’t ruin Alice’s super expensive car.

“Any plans for spring break?” I asked casually while grabbing a glass of water. Water would definitely help.

“Just camping,” he wiped the rain from his arms and neck, then folded the towel and draped it over the back of a chair. Small beads of moisture from the rain still clung to his eyelashes. I forced my eyes to look away before my feelings got out of hand. Camping. They were always camping, so much so that the school would have submitted them for truancy court if it was any other family. How much can you camp around here anyway, before it got monotonous?

“Your sister should be home soon, right? Need help getting up the stairs before I leave?”

Getting up the stairs was, pardon my French, a bitch. It had been for the past few weeks and was the only thing that hadn’t gotten any easier the longer I practiced. There was no harm in letting him help me, was there? It was a completely reasonable favor.

“Uh, sure. That’d be great.”

We both walked to the foot of the stairs, when Jasper turned his back to me and patted his shoulder.

“Hop on.”

“What, you’re going to carry me up the stairs?”
“Well, I carried you across the parking lot when you broke your ankle; I think I can manage to get you up the stairs with minimal issues.”

I gulped. The memory of Jasper carrying me to my car and driving me to the hospital was one that I could easily call to mind. Feeling weightless, wondering about why he had offered to help in the first place, and how nice he had smelled. How nice he still smelled, now that I thought about it. It’d not been such a big deal at the time, but now I was overthinking it.

“Collins?”

He turned his head back to me, showing off the all-so stunning facial profile he had.

“Right, sorry.”

I placed my hands on his shoulders and hooked my still booted leg over his hip. My heart gave another solid thud in my chest. Once he had my leg secured, I swung the other up. Maybe it’d be a good idea to hold my breath for a moment or two.

“Lean forward some. I’m a little off balance.”

Somehow I doubted that, with how easily he had carried me before and how easily he was holding me now. Carefully, I shifted myself forward, placing my chin just where his neck and shoulder met. Being this close to him, his scent completely filled my nose. Was it worth it to hold my breath? He smelled so nice, why deny myself a nice thing, even if it was only a moment? I inhaled deeply, letting the brain fog swirl thick and hazy. Why, oh why did it have to be him?

“Are you secretly a gym rat or something?”

Jasper laughed as he took each step like he was on a morning stroll: quick and effortless. Maybe all that camping had been the key to his physical fitness. All too soon, we reached the landing and he slowly let my feet slip to the floor. The fog lifted slightly while he made another trip for my crutches, but then it only returned in full force. There was hardly enough space for the two of us in the doorway of my room, with nowhere to look but him as he passed the crutches to me.

When a guy is attractive, his whole personality can completely ruin those looks if he’s a jackass. Jasper was usually a jackass, but he was the kind of attractive that it didn’t matter what foul mood he was in; he was hot, and everyone knew it. So when his attitude wasn’t hot garbage, it was all too easy to notice the little things about him that made him so damn fine. The curve of his jawline that was usually set from clenching his teeth, the flawlessness of his skin, . Beautiful golden eyes that I couldn’t figure out, because they were always changing color. Like now. They were dark brown, nearly black, when I could have sworn they were much lighter only a day or so ago. And his lips, God, those lips. The most insane thought occurred to me, as we stood only a foot or so apart: I could kiss them. Strictly for research purposes, to see if they were as soft as they looked. And once that thought materialized in my mind, a tugging started somewhere in my chest, like I should move closer to him. Even the Cullen Effect (™), despite its best efforts, had been silenced momentarily. I felt myself sway slightly but it was as if I were detached from my body and intune with it all at the same time. My pulse thudded hard though my chest and loudly in my ears, so loudly that he could probably hear it.

Jasper reached out his hand to grasp my shoulder and steady the slight sway, which only brought him a few inches closer. I couldn’t think clearly with him this close and all the brain fog swirling inside my mind.

“Collins, are you alright?”

Some of the fog lifted at the sound of his voice, just enough for me to reason that kissing him would not be a good or rational idea at all. Being involved with him hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park with his hot-cold mood swings the last three months. And all I had to show for it currently was a passing math grade, a good chance at passing the AP exam, and one new confidant about all things empath. Danger, danger Collins Walker!

“Yeah I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

And just like that, my mind cleared completely. The overwhelming urge to impulsively follow my hormone driven ideas was much less persistent. He was still hot though, no one in their right mind (or out of their right mind even) could deny that.

“Well, I’d better go. See you tomorrow.”

I watched Jasper walk down the stairs, briefly glance back, then exit through the front door before he disappeared out of sight of the windows. The whole time, I kind of wanted to tell him that no, I was not okay and he should stay and wait for Cara to get home. There was the risk that his mood could change to its usual frosty self, but I was starting to figure out that maybe that wasn’t his natural disposition. If he truly didn’t care for me as a friend, he wouldn’t bother going out of his way to be helpful, especially going so far as to carry me up a flight of stairs. Maybe there was something else going on, something that was bothering him that caused him to be so snarky at times.

Just another thing to add to the list.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter has been in the works for so long. The end of the school year has been pretty hectic, but we're almost done and then I can devote more time to my baby! (this story) At least this chapter is pretty long, and I'll be starting on the next one right away. Things should start ramping up a little; I know it's a slow burn but we gotta get to burning.

This chapter is largely unedited.

Chapter 17: it's La Push baby, La Push

Chapter Text

So Jasper was hot. So what. Lots of people were hot, but that didn’t mean you should like them, or try and pursue a relationship with them. And I definitely didn’t want to do that with Jasper Hale. He was broody and asshole-ish and plenty arrogant when it came to school. He had mood swings, making it hard to predict if I was getting Happy Jasper or Irritated Jasper on any given day; obviously that was too much for someone to handle, and I didn’t want to be the one to attempt it.

But he could also be kind and attentive, like when I broke my ankle or needed help up the stairs. And he’d supported me when talking to Chief Swan, not to mention he took care of Matthew pretty aggressively and had made it a point to deter him from getting anywhere near me during school hours. He could be funny too, with his dry sense of humor. Then there was the matter of how I felt around him, something that I couldn’t really deny anymore. I’d made a fool of myself Wednesday, acting like I didn’t have any sense just because he was so close to me and we were alone and he smelled so good…

I covered my now-blushing face with my hands, even though I was completely alone in my room, lying on my bed. So maybe I had a slight crush on Jasper Hale. That wouldn’t be such a big deal if he wasn’t a freaking empath. And if the admission of a crush to myself didn’t cause me to lose all reason, but it usually did. He was way too good at picking up on feelings since I hadn’t mastered how to hide them in our little practice sessions, and even if he wasn’t an empath, I could be ridiculously bad at hiding my feelings from guys that didn’t have supernatural abilities. At least I wouldn’t have to see him for a whole week and perhaps that would help to clear my mind and sort through everything. I had plenty to do anyway, like making brownies for the weekend beach trip, packing for our trip to see our parents, and then packing a completely different set of clothes for the couple of days I’d be back in Alabama with Bethany. It would be a welcome distraction and then I’d have too much stuff going on to even think about Jasper. Hopefully.

Mercifully, Jess offered me a ride to work on Friday when Dr. Cullen had scheduled an exam to determine whether surgery was necessary or not. The crutches were getting old and my armpits would be grateful to be rid of them as much as my ankle would be grateful to not need any incisions. With new x-ray images in hand, Carlisle called me into his office to discuss the next steps of my treatment, leaving Deborah to manage the receptionist desk by herself. As always, she was none too pleased.

“It’s good news all around, I think,” he started just as we both sat across from each other. The chair was so comfy, it made you forget you were in a hospital. “Judging by your scan today, everything’s healing cleanly. As long as there’s no major complications in the next few weeks, there should be no need for any surgery. You will still need to use the crutches for longer walks, definitely during the school day. But try weaning yourself off of them at home, alright? How does that sound?”

Carlisle had a way of putting his patients at ease with a soft smile, and I was no exception. Briefly I wondered if he too might be some sort of empath, or if it was just his perfect hair. Nevertheless, I was happy as a clam in high tide at the newest assessment of my leg.

“That sounds great, actually. These things are for the birds,” I patted the crutches leaning against my chair and stood to return back to my station. “Thank you for the check up, Doc.”

“It’s my pleasure. But Collins—”

I paused at the door and turned back to look at him, not sure what else he would want to talk about.

“It’s my understanding that my son, Jasper, has been tutoring you in math for a few months. I know he can be a little…cross at times. Perhaps irksome is a better term. Either way, I just wanted to extend my gratitude for your patience. He had a lot of difficulties from his previous home carry over into his life here, and it’s been an adjustment for all of us. It’s nice to see his mood improving lately, so thank you.”

I knew very little about Jasper and Rosalie’s life in Texas, even after asking Bella and Alice for any info. All that I had to go off of was that it was a bad situation and they were more than glad that the Cullens were fostering them until graduation, but I figured they would be welcome to live with them as long as needed.

“It’s no problem. I should be thanking him, though. I wouldn’t be passing calculus without him.”

Carlisle smiled so genuinely that it almost made me…sad that he was thanking me. Whatever it was that Jasper was struggling with, I hoped he was handling it better now. I hated to imagine what he was like before I’d met him.

Saturday morning began with the most wonderful sight I’d seen in forever: sunshine. It’d become apparent that the beginning of April in Washington was nowhere near as warm or clear as it was in Alabama. However, that day was unseasonably warm with clear skies as far as I could see from my small balcony. Dare I say it, we could get a tan . I could wear shorts! Or, at the very least, a thin long sleeved shift instead of the sweaters and heavy jackets I’d had on for the past three months. Whether or not I’d get the chance to strip down to my bathing suit, I went ahead and wore it under my clothes just in case. When Jess and Angela rolled up wearing theirs too, I knew it’d been a good idea.

“Let’s gooo!” Jess yelled, rolling down the windows of Mike’s Tahoe and speeding off towards the beach. He must have been crazy in love with her to let her get behind the wheel, but he was all grins from the passenger side. I’d offered to sit in the wayback with the towels, surfing gear, cooler, and snacks so Angela and Eric could snuggle in the middle. Hopefully this little beach day would be a welcomed start to our spring break and a breath of fresh air for Angela. One peek at the wine coolers someone had snuck confirmed that even if we had a bad time, we might not care so much.

It wasn’t the kind of beach I’d been raised around but it would do. The sand wasn’t soft and white and the waves were rougher and higher than I was used to. As soon as we parked, Jess, Mike, and Eric got zipped up into their wetsuits, boards in hand, and made a beeline for the water. Angela stayed back with me to set out beach chairs, lay out towels, and unpack the rest of the vehicle for when they’d had enough of getting tossed in the surf. The sun still shone overhead with no sign of clouds in any direction. The dark sand drew enough warmth that after thirty minutes of sitting out and enjoying the weather, I was stripping off my shirt and shoving it into my bag. Angela had been mostly quiet without Jessica nearby to strike up a conversation; I was grateful for a little nonverbal hangout so that I could read my book in peace while getting a little color on the areas of my body not confined to a medical device. It was only after a drink from the cooler that Angela started talking in short sentences and questions.

“What were you and Jasper up to the other day? I saw both of you leave in Alice’s car right after school.”

Something I loved about Angela was that she never pried for the sake of gossip or banter, but because she truly cared and wanted to know. Anything I told her would be safe from Jess or Bella or even the Cullens. She was a friend I could trust.

“I told Chief Swan about Matthew’s little brush with crime. I’m not pressing charges but I reckon it’s better than nothing in case it ever happens again, right? Jasper just offered to go for moral support and as a witness.”

I cracked open a cold can and took a long sip. The fruity, fizzy drink burned my chest in a good way that helped to calm any thoughts about my new found crush.

“Moral support? Is that what that’s called?”

Her mouth twisted into a grin that made me suddenly very nervous to proceed with the topic at hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I took another large gulp and relished the burn.

“I don’t know, it just seems like you guys are spending a lot of time together. I know he’s your tutor, but last time I checked, you two could hardly stand sitting at the same lunch table, let alone riding in the same car.”

I pondered the validity of that statement and couldn’t deny that Jasper and I were spending more time together than we’d originally planned. Some of it was after school sessions to make up for when he skipped or it was due to us meeting early to fit in more empath practice, but that had only just started. I didn’t think anyone would notice. Another gulp. A long silence.

“I’m sorry if I’m being too nosey. I’m sure if there was anything going on, you’d tell me if you wanted to.”

I flipped over onto my back and pulled my ball cap over my face to further obscure it. Was it that obvious?

“Trust me Angela, nothing has happened between me and Jasper.”

If you ignored the dance of course. And nothing really had happened then, as long as you considered the butterflies raging in my stomach during the few minutes we’d danced together to be a totally platonic occurrence. And if you ignored the really dumb way my mind worked when we were alone together for any amount of time. I closed my book and flopped it down on the towel beside me and let out a long sigh. Nothing has happened was as much a lament as it was a relief.

“Do you…want something to happen?”

“Do I have to answer that question?”

Angela laughed at that and scooted her towel a little closer.

“Look Collins, if you wanted to ask Jasper out, I would fully endorse that decision. But only if it was what you wanted.”

I turned my head to study her face and gauge whether she was really serious. Of course, being that it was Angela, she was.

“I don’t know Ange. He’s kind of an ass.” I paused and considered if I should tell her about the rest of Wednesday, then threw caution to the wind. “I almost kissed him the other day.”

“ Shut up! ” she smacked my shoulder with her palm in a very Jessica-esque fashion that she rarely showed. “Well what happened?”

So much for keeping Jasper off of my mind, but if there was anyone I trusted for advice in Forks, it was her. So I told her the details, minus the whole empath part, as best as I could. Maybe I was overanalyzing his body language and making something out of nothing. Maybe I was so caught up in my own feelings that I was spinning a situation that wasn’t truly there.

“I don’t know, ya know. Jasper always kept to himself before you moved here and Bella came back. We only just recently started all hanging out as a group; that’s why it was so awkward at first.”

That was helpful but not exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that he was just being nice, just trying to pass all of his classes so he could graduate on time. Angela’s input only muddied the water more; I couldn’t believe that there were any feelings on Jasper’s end, and it would be smart to get rid of any that were on mine. In a little over two months, we’d probably be going separate ways and would never see each other again. Even if there was something, it would do no good to chase it now.

“Please don’t say anything to Jess. Or Alice. Please . I just want to forget about it.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

Near the parking lot, a car door slammed and someone gave a loud whoop! I propped myself up on my elbows and watched as a couple of guys exited the truck that’d just pulled up in. They all looked as if they could be related with matching tan skin and dark brown or black hair. And they were tall , like, ridiculously. I’d guesstimated Jasper to be a little over six feet, but these guys were well over that, and totally ripped. Had a car full of Hollister models rolled up to do a photoshoot at La Push Beach, or was this just a coincidence? Three out of the four of them took off in a sprint to the forest in the direction of the cliffs, while the last leaned against the hood of the van and crossed his arms over his chest, looking like a father watching his sons enjoy a beach day for the first time.

“Who are they? ” We followed the group with our eyes until they disappeared into the trees, completely obscured by the lush greenery. From far behind us, Jess let out a laugh that ended in a shriek, followed by the rush of a wave breaking on the sand.

“They’re part of the Quileute tribe. We’re technically on the reservation here,” Angela mumbled. Then she added barely above a whisper, “that’s Sam Uley. He found Bella last fall when Edward left.”

“Wait, he what?”

Angela sat up, our light-hearted conversation obviously forgotten now. “The day the Cullens left, Bella went missing for a couple of hours after school. I guess Edward had been with her at some point, but Sam was the one that found her catatonic on the ground in the middle of the woods.”

The guy, Sam I guess, turned his head a fraction of an inch, and I got the distinct impression that he knew we were talking about him. He couldn’t have though, given that the rushing of the ocean was much louder than our voices. Still, his dark eyes pinned me with a look that started a chill along my spine. I shifted back to my stomach, attempting to make the motion seem as nonchalant as possible.

“So Bella was just…lying in the woods? Was she injured or something?”

Angela shook her head and reluctantly continued, “No, I don’t think so. Just cold and maybe a little dehydr— sh*t.”

I started at her language, but then followed her gaze back over my shoulder…where Sam was walking in our direction, eyes trained straight on us.

“What’s he coming over here for?” I gritted my teeth and moved my lips as little as possible to disguise my words. Within seconds, he was in earshot, roar of the ocean be damned. I opened my book and made a weak pass at legitimate reading until the sound of his feet scuffing against the wet sand was unable to be ignored.

“Hello,” he greeted with a smile that didn’t totally meet his eyes. “Nice day for surfing, isn’t it?”

“That it is,” I shielded my eyes and put on my best Southern Belle smile that said I’m just a lil’ lady. Be nice to me, won’t cha’? Either he didn’t buy it, or he had some Southern Belle trauma.

“I haven’t seen you around here before,” he said, then sat down in the sand only a foot or so away. Too close for comfort. “I’m Sam. Sam Uley.”

“Collins Walker,” I reciprocated, extending my hand to shake his. His fingers looked completely normal, but as my hand wrapped around his, the feverish temperature made me pull away early. “I moved here a couple months ago. Are you the welcoming committee?”

He laughed, the fake smile finally reaching his eyes.

“No, but I—,” he paused, that same smile fading so quickly that my own mouth turned down in a frown. His nostrils flared out as he took a deep breath, and his eyes flashed from their casual friendliness into a cold stare. He looked like a different person in the matter of two seconds.

“I have to go,” he hastily sprang to his feet and jogged off in the direction the other guys had run off to only a few minutes ago. We watched him disappear with the rest, then turned to give each other identical questioning looks.

“That was weird ,” I commented. Off in the distance, at the very tip of the cliff outlined by light blue sky and blue-black water, stood three figures. They simultaneously launched themselves off into perfect swan dives, landing in the ocean without so much as a splash.

“What the hell,” I gasped. “That’s a really dumb idea. They could get killed doing that. Do they know they could die doing that? If not, someone should tell them.” I awkwardly pulled my legs to the side and sat up to watch for the heads of the three boys to buoy up out of the water. Time stretched on, and just when I’d hit my “call 911” mark, they surfaced fifty feet away from their entrance point. For what they lacked in sense, they made up for in lung capacity. Angela didn’t seem nearly as worried, but she’d definitely been eyeing them to make sure they weren’t dead.

“The locals do it all the time. I’m not saying it’s a good idea, just not out of the ordinary. Don’t teenagers in Alabama do stupid things for fun, too?”

I tapped my chin for a moment in mock thought.

“Mmmm, maybe getting drunk in a corn field, but that’s not the same as jumping into rocky water.”

Jess, Mike, and Eric were pulling themselves and their boards out of the water, looking thoroughly water-logged and grinning ear to ear.

“ Perfect waves today,” Eric shouted, plopping down beside Angela and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. She giggled and shoved his shoulder, but I knew she enjoyed every bit of it. The beach trip was having its intended purpose then.

“Collins, you should totally try it! You can borrow my suit and board,” Jess turned her back to Mike so he could pull the zipper down within her reach. Either a blush or a fresh sunburn had colored his cheeks a deep pink.

“Um, as much as I’d love to, my foot is gonna count me out.”

It was bad enough that I’d taken the boot off, but considering the good news I’d gotten at my appointment the previous day, I thought that a little freedom would be okay. So far, there’d been zero pain or discomfort, which I marked as a win.

“Or we could try our luck at cliff jumping,” Eric nodded his head in that direction, where Sam had made it to the very edge. I could just barely make him out from where I sat. Before he threw himself from safety, I watched as he turned his head back to us and got the distinct feeling that he was looking at me again. As quickly as I had that thought, he faced forward, bent his knees, and jumped.

☽●☾

“Why didn’t you ask Carlisle to prescribe you something? He could have put you on Xanax for the flight.”

“I didn’t think about it,” I grumbled to Cara as the plane taxied the runway for what felt like an hour, but had only been a few minutes so far. She was casually reading the novel she’d purchased in the airport while I leaned my head back and prayed for the Dramamine to kick-in before we got in the air. If there was any small mercy, it was that we weren’t flying out in bad weather; that would have thrown me for a loop. I wouldn’t be able to reach any state even resembling relaxation until we were halfway to Europe, and by that time, I would start to worry about landing. Everybody quotes the statistic about air travel having a lower risk of killing you than traveling by car. The fact they always conveniently leave out is that take-off and landing are the two times that a malfunction is more likely to occur. I squeezed my eye tighter as we started to pick up speed, knowing that at any moment, we’d be soaring weightlessly through the air towards Mom and Dad. The plane rattled as our ground velocity reached its peak, and then smoothed out. Cara wriggled her fingers out from my clutch now that we had made it through what I considered the worst part. Sunlight poured through the open window, and once I got my bearings, I could look out at the tiny details we passed over. Houses became the size of pin pricks, then became obscured by layers of pure white clouds. My own book sat closed in my lap, waiting to be cracked open and explored. My sister had already had a pair of noise canceling headphones pulled over her ears, signaling that if I talked to her, I better be in the midst of dying or she’d kill me. She had never been a talker as much as I had. If we had over ten hours in the air, the least I could do was get some reading in. Carol, the owner of the small secondhand bookstore had been clearing out their older inventory and she’d given me a tip off about the big sale this weekend. I’d stocked up on a plethora of different genres, even ones that I typically didn’t gravitate towards, because they’d been a steal. She had romance, horror, thrillers, mysteries, self-help, sci-fi, high fantasy, dystopian, anything you could think of. The one I’d selected from my haul was a 1970s urban fantasy, following the lives of different creatures that coexisted with humans, just in disguise. Not my usual, but so far, I’d found it entertaining enough.

The main character, Christine, was a vampire that worked as a detective for a city police department. By day, she found ways to circumvent the whole “no sun” thing, and by night, she tried to unravel an ongoing murder investigation plaguing other non-human entities. During the flight, I settled deeper into the story of how her boyfriend (human) was finding out that she was not, well, human. It was going about as well as one would expect if they told their partner that they weren’t the same species. I paused only for meals and snacks, and by the time we started our descent, my body was stiffer than starched linen from being curled around the book for so long. Cara was asleep with her mouth partly open. I nudged her awake.

“We’re about to land,” I mumbled while leaning over to stuff the yellowed novel into my carry-on. It was somehow packed full with a week's worth of clothes; Walkers were not about the extra airline fees. Cara and I both stretched in our seats, turning this way and that until the cricks in our necks were loosened. This was the longest I’d ever gone without seeing my parents. Spending a week away from home for summer camp before seventh grade was enough to make my mother come unglued with worry. The fact that she’d moved to another country, putting an ocean between us, had been the biggest shock, instead of my dad getting the highly competitive promotion. I’m sure she never would have agreed to it if Cara hadn’t let me live with her; I was their little girl and likely would always be about 2 feet tall in their eyes.

The feeling of walking off the plane was so intensely relieving that I could’ve almost cried, until I remembered that I had two more flights scheduled this week. At the very least, my last one from Alabama to Washington would only take a fraction of the time compared to the other two.

The airport was bustling with people, most of whom were speaking a language other than English, predominantly French. I should have gotten an English-French dictionary in preparation for our visit but my Southern accent would probably make anything I said down-right insulting to those who heard it. The signs, all obviously written first in French, then in English at the bottom, caught my eye on our way to the pickup area. I nearly bumped into a group of people before Cara grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to her side.

“I know you’ve never been out of the States, but you’re already acting like a tourist ,” she spat out the last word like she was swearing and focused on weaving our way through the throng of people. My sister was a force to be reckoned with when she had a goal or destination in sight. It was one of the things that she and I shared, just to a lesser degree.

“But I am a tourist,” I drawled, making her roll her eyes, though she didn’t say anything else. Just up ahead, holding a large sign with the name “Walker'' in big black letters, were our parents. They looked just as they had three months ago. As I threw my arms around my mom, the feeling of being home, of being with someone that knew me better than anyone else, brought tears to my eyes. I tightened my grip for a few seconds until I could get myself under control, then stepped back and smiled so widely, my cheeks ached.

“Bonjour!” she sing-songed, proving my theory about Southern-American French; it sounded awful. But she couldn’t have said anything to take away how happy it felt to see them again.

“Got’cherself a nice looking boot right there,” Dad said, pointing towards my right leg. “How’s it healing?”

“Let’s talk about this in the car when there aren’t lots of people trying to move around us, yeah?” Cara ushered us to the exit, keeping her steps short and brisk.

☽●☾

“So, how are things really going?”

Mom and I were sitting outside of a French cafe, sipping coffee and eating butter croissants while people-watching. So far, we hadn’t seen anyone do anything particularly entertaining, but once we did, it’d only be a matter of time before we were in the midst of unconsolable giggles. We’d spent the first night getting unpacked and listening to dad talk about his new job and how much he liked his coworkers. He was still adjusting to the shift in workplace culture, but overall, he was more excited about work than I had seen him in a long time, maybe ever. The next morning was filled with walking everywhere . There was so much to see and so little time, I felt like my feet might fall off before our visit was over if we kept it up. My sister, in true Cara fashion, wanted to see everything, though she wanted to do it all at once. I wanted to slow down and enjoy the sights. We had managed to avoid a fight thus far, but the week was young. She even wanted to see the facility Dad’s office was located in, but I’d bowed out and offered to keep mom company. Now, as we sat and ate, I partially regretted it. This was where the last few months might catch up to me. They still didn’t know about Matthew, at all , and I’d like to keep it that way.

“They’ve been good. I’ve met a lot of people and made a couple a’ friends. We actually went to the beach on Saturday,” I sipped my coffee, relishing the fresh taste. I intended to drink as much coffee and eat as many French pastries as I could handle before leaving.

“That’s good, that’s real good. Are any of these friends boys ?” she lifted her eyebrows suggestively, making my face warm. “Anyone noteworthy?”

I shook my head, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Come on, Collins. No one? Not a single guy? No one’s caught your eye?”

I took a deep breath, ready to lie my butt off and hopefully do it well.

“Really, momma. No one. Some of my guys are friends but they’re all dating one of my other friends.” That wasn’t really a lie, if you didn’t consider Jasper my friend. I tried not to consider him at all. “Besides, there’s no point in dating anyone when I might have to move after graduation.”

I hoped to steer the conversation in the direction of college and what I should do about it, but my momma was still set on interrogating me about boys.

“What about the one that’s tutoring you in calculus? The doctor’s son?”

I’d broken down and told my parents about needing to be tutored because Cara would likely mention it anyway. I’d said it in passing during a phone call but didn’t think that they would remember the details about who he was. So much for keeping him off my mind this week; I’d barely made it a single day.

“What about him?” I dodged, taking another sip of my coffee.

“What’s he like? You haven’t told us much. Is he cute?”

Cute wasn’t a word I would choose to describe Jasper Hale; it was too…juvenile. He was something else entirely, the way he held himself, the way he talked, and the way he treated the people around him. I thought back to him and Matt in the parking lot after the dance and felt a shiver start its way up my spine. To be honest, I had the feeling that Jasper could be dangerous if provoked, I had just only seen him provoked by people that genuinely wanted to cause me harm.

“He’s alright. Kind of a smart butt though, and he can be really moody,” I shrugged and tried to continue playing it cool so we could please talk about something that didn’t make my stomach get all fluttery and weird.

“Well that’s too bad,” Momma said, pityingly, as she stirred her cup with a metal spoon. “Have you decided what to do about college?”

I breathed a sigh of relief because this was a subject I was more prepared to navigate, a subject that I was comfortable thinking about and had clearer direction on. I launched into the plan I had for after graduation: attend Auburn with Bethany. I should be hearing back about scholarships near the end of May or beginning of June, and Bethany already had leads on a couple of apartments that we could rent together or with a third roommate. The more we talked about it together, as the sun started to set, the more excited I became about my future plans and the easier it was to put Jasper out of my mind.

☽●☾

The next two days, I made good on my promise of consuming pastries and coffee in between visits to tourist spots, like the Louvre and Palace of Versailles. Mom completely dropped asking about boys, and Dad took some time off to be with Cara and I before our trip ended. On the last day for me, Wednesday, we walked through various art exhibits, filled with oil paintings dating back to the 1600s. I especially appreciated Carvaggio’s work and the way he’d blended each shade seamlessly into the next, how the highlights made each scene pop as if you were really witnessing the event in frame. Near the corner of one room, in a dimly lit area, was a painting that made me do a double take, then pull Cara over for her opinion.

“What,” she asked, already having passed the painting in question and moved onto another.

“Who does that remind you of?” I pointed to the portrait, willing her to see what I was seeing. “Doesn’t it look like someone we know? Someone from Forks?”Cara raised her finger to her bottom lip and squinted, turning her head this way and that. I waved my hand impatiently, as if that would make her recognize the figure any sooner.

“I don’t know; it does look familiar but I’m not sure who,” she shrugged, turning away from the painting and back to me. “Why? Who does it look like to you?”

“Dr. Cullen,” I half-whispered, because the resemblance was so uncanny in my eyes, it creeped me out a little. “I mean, with much older clothes and a different hairstyle of course. But if you cover up all that,” I reached up to obscure those two things from my line of sight, “and focus on the face, it looks just like him doesn’t it?”

I don’t know why it was so important for her to see what I was seeing, but I desperately wanted her to agree with me about this.

“Yeah, I guess it kinda does,” she shrugged again and turned to continue perusing the gallery. I, however, was still transfixed by the artwork. I pulled out my cellphone to take a picture, only to spot the large sign that clearly banned the use of electronic devices, especially for the purpose of photography. The last thing we needed was to get kicked out of the museum for breaking the rules, but I had to have a reference to this, some way to remember it for when I got home and could research it later. I hid my phone in the sleeve of my jacket and crept toward the metal plate to the right of the painting that had the artist’s name, the name of the painting, and an estimate of when the work had been completed. With a quick check to my left and right, I hurriedly snapped a picture of the plaque and slipped it back into my jeans pocket before any of the security guards or employees could see it. Just another thing to add to my ongoing investigation

Late Wednesday night, my insides were once again in turmoil about flying home, especially since I was going to be alone this time. Cara wanted to extend her vacation another week since she’d been so overloaded with work; I’d seen how stressed out she’d been, so when she checked whether I would be okay to head back by myself, I assured her it was no problem and encouraged her to not think twice about it. Her whole demeanor had relaxed in the few days we’d been in France, and it was nice to have my sister back. On the ride to the airport, I tried to distract myself by chit-chatting with my parents, but we were all three too tired to say much. My mind continuously went over and over a checklist of everything I needed to do at the airport since there would be no one there to remind me. In the lobby, I gave both of my parents one last hug and told them I loved them. The next time I would see them would probably be graduation in around two months.

I popped a few Dramamine after making it through TSA, to ensure they’d be in full effect once we took off. If the plane crashed, I didn’t even want to be aware of it. Right around the time a flight attendant began the safety protocols, I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and my mind starting to slow down; I didn’t make it to take off before nodding off in the relatively empty plane.

☽●☾

Seeing Bethany again, being in Alabama again, was like a breath of fresh air. The weather had already turned warmer, reaching mid 80s by Saturday. That was the day that Bethany’s family and I headed to the beach, with the intention of staying the night and having me fly out from PCB Sunday morning. Flying three times in the span of a week was enough to turn me off to air travel for the rest of my life.

Out of all the friends I’d made in Forks, Jessica was the one that reminded me most of Bethany. They were both outgoing and spoke their minds no matter who was listening. Bethany was a little rougher around the edges, but that was more of her Southern disposition than anything else. She was the longest and best friend I’d ever had, and being around her again made my heart clench in a painful way that I hadn’t felt since the first week or so after moving to Forks. As we lied on our beach towels, slathered in suntan oil, I could almost make myself believe that I’d never left Alabama, that my whole life hadn’t changed in the span of a few months.

“I cannot express to you how amazing this feels,” I said, soaking in the warm rays of the sun for the first time in forever. Last Saturday at La Push was alright, but nowhere near what I was used to. I was going to get as tan as I possibly could in one day, everything else be damned. The soft white sand spread across the beach, like piles of sugar instead of the dark rocky stuff in Washington. It was blinding, even with sunglasses on.

“I don’t know how you’ve survived as long as you have,” Bethany blew a strand of hair out of her face and swiveled her eyes to follow a shirtless guy jogging near the water. “Months without sun sounds absolutely terrible.”

To be fair, it wasn’t as bad as I had made it out to be, I’m sure. I could be a little exaggeratory with my description of Forks’s weather. The rain was nice when you wanted to curl up with a book and a cup of hot tea and be a little lazy for the day. But the cold, I could do without.

“Why do you think I’m baking out here? Gotta trap all the sunlight for when I head back.”

We’d been talking about our college plans the last two days, and now that we had a more solid course set, I could relax into my towel, maybe even take a beach nap.

“You mean there isn’t anyone you’re dying to get back to?”

Ugh, not Bethany too! My mom had tried her hardest to get information out of me and it was a miracle I hadn’t cracked. Bethany could be even worse. And since she didn’t have anyone else to tell, there was less reason to hide anything from her; except that telling her about Jasper would require me to admit it to myself as well.

“Um, not really,” I brushed a little sand from the edge of my towel, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Bethany gave me her full attention, leaving the shirtless jogging guy alone.

“You’re a terrible liar, Collins,” she laughed and plopped down on her side to face me. I was struck by how familiar this felt, almost perfectly mirroring the conversation between me and Angela last Saturday. I knew I could trust Bethany and just like I knew I could trust Angela. They were alike in that regard. “Is it the calculus tutor? That guy that was being a jackass? Have you finally jumped his bones after breaking up with that other dude?”

“Bethany!” I hissed, glad that her parents had left for a walk to the pier about thirty minutes ago. “Can you not! ”

“Don’t be such a prude. And you still haven’t answered my question,” her eyebrows lifted and nearly disappeared into her strawberry blonde hair. “Is he really as hot as you said he was? Because the person you described was practically unreal.”

Was Jasper really that hot? Yes, he was. What Bethany didn’t realize was that ALL of the Cullens were pretty unreal when it came to the looks department.

“No, I haven’t ‘jumped his bones,’” I air quoted and winced at the phrase. “It’s nothing like that. He’s just attractive is all. We can hardly get along for more than thirty minutes before we’re making catty remarks at each other. And it doesn’t matter anyway, since I’ll be moving back here in a few months.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but you could totally hate fu-,”

“Bethany!” I shrieked, feeling my whole body heat up uncomfortably, and not from the midday sun. “Please just drop it.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll let it go. But just know, if it ever happens, I want alllll the details.”

I groaned and laid back on the towel. I was right. Jasper and I didn’t get along all that well and probably never would. Whatever I felt for him was just a shallow attraction, a misunderstanding. He could be kind, but just because he was kind didn’t mean he was interested. And it didn’t matter. I would be gone in a few months and could forget all about him and his mysterious family.

☽●☾

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled as I walked from the terminal to the lobby where my taxi driver should have been waiting, large sign in hand. Instead of a taxi driver, there was the chief of police, Charlie Swan, without anything to indicate who he was picking up. But somehow, someway, I knew he was my ride. As I approached and hoped that someone else was waiting and I hadn’t spotted them yet, he waved his hand over his head and called my name.

“Collins! Over here!”

I plastered a smile on my face and tried to look more pleased than surprised to see him. I’m sure he was busy at the station and it really was nice of him to take the time to give me a ride, but the idea of sitting with him in the car all the way back to Forks, after the last conversation we’d had, made me want to hop back on the plane.

“Hi Charlie,” I greeted him politely, just like my momma had always taught me. “You’re my chauffeur?”

“Yeah, it appears that way,” he smiled wryly. “Your sister called me and told me you would be coming back by yourself. She wanted to make sure you were safe, considering the recent violence in Seattle.”

“Right, of course,” I nodded. That was nice of her, but I wished it could have been literally anyone else from Forks as we piled into the baby blue squad car. Aside from being the officer I filed the report with, he was also Bella’s dad, a friend that I wasn’t particularly close to. I knew he didn’t like Edward, something we seemed to have in common most days, but I didn’t want our disdain for his daughter’s boyfriend to be our topic of conversation the whole ride. Bella had mentioned that her dad was mostly quiet, like herself, and didn’t pry too much into her business. She was lucky there, because my parents had no problem prying into my business when it suited them.

“Thank you for the ride,” I attempted a little small talk once we hit the main road. We’d be in the car for about an hour, and if he wasn’t going to turn the radio on, we’d have nothing but the police scanner to listen to. “I know your job keeps you pretty busy.”

“Ah, it’s no problem. I was actually handling some work in Seattle, so it all worked out. You’ve seen the fliers around town, the ones for Riley Biers?” I nodded my head, watching the trees fly past. “He’s still missing and they think it’s connected to all that mess. I never thought it’d get bad around here, but the reports have been downright gruesome.”

He shook his head, a look of disgust wrinkling his face. I knew about the murders and disappearances upon my arrival, but hadn’t been paying all that much attention to the news stations or the papers, mostly because when I was in the car, Jessica had a CD playing Beyonce or the Black Eyed Peas. My knowledge of current events wasn’t exactly current.

“What’s been happening?” I asked, genuinely curious. He shook his head again and looked at me with hesitation, like he didn’t want to tell me, but did anyway.

“They’ve been finding,” he paused here, then continued as delicately as he could, “bodies, a large amount of bodies, drained completely of blood. Mostly around shady parts of town. Bars. Strip clubs.”

My stomach turned sour at the description he’d just given. I’d heard of serial killers, watched Law & Order SVU late at night and then stayed up listening to every sound outside my window, thinking it was some monster coming to kill me. But never, had I ever, heard of someone draining the blood out of another person’s body. My first thought was of a mortician, preparing a body for embalming. That’s the only time I’ve ever heard of someone doing that for a reasonable purpose. My next thought, which almost made me laugh at the absurdity, was vampires. Maybe it’s the fantasy novel I’ve been reading or the fact that I’m still getting over the grogginess from my heavy dose of Dramamine, but the image of Christine, the vampire detective that I’ve been picturing while reading, appeared in my mind. I think of her kneeling over a pale corpse that’s limp and completely drained of life. Only, its countless bodies littering the street. I pushed the image away and steeled my face into a neutral mask while listening to Charlie.

“Bella’s been carrying around bear spray,” he said, lifting an eyebrow. “I think I’ve got an extra can at the house if you want it. At least until your sister gets back.”

It’s awful nice of him to offer, awful nice of him to care in the first place, even if it’s technically his job. But whoever, whatever, is behind the murders, isn’t going to be stopped with bear spray, I thought.

“Actually, I think I’m covered in the weapons department. Cara keeps a pistol in her nightstand just in case. I figure that’ll be just as effective.” Charlie’s face vacillated between pleased to hear that I have some way to protect myself and the idea of me having access to a handgun, I’m sure. I added that the gun was, in fact, unloaded, and the ammunition was stored separately, though I wasn’t entirely sure. It sounded better though.

“That’s…good to hear,” he didn’t sound one hundred percent enthused, but he did steer the conversation back off of me. “Anyway, Seattle PD is trying to nail down some leads but whoever is responsible has been cleaning up after themselves.”

“Even the best criminals make mistakes,” I commented, not really wanting to think about bodies drained of their blood anymore. It made me feel nauseated and unsettled. “How’s Bella been enjoying her spring break?”

It’s the one thing that puts a real smile on Charlie’s face. Once he starts talking about his only daughter, he can’t stop. I gladly sit back and let him, knowing it’ll make the ride pass by faster.

“She took a couple of days to visit Renee in Jacksonville and has been spending time with Edward since she got back.” Charlie's voice turned less chipper at the mention of his daughter’s beau. I didn’t know exactly what Charlie had against Edward, but I figured it was the same issue I had with him: whenever Bella was in some type of trouble, he wasn’t too far behind. “Even though Edward went with her…on the trip.”

I laughed a little at how Charlie didn’t bother to hide his less than positive opinion, and tried to prepare myself for the next few weeks. Spring break hadn’t been all that much of a restful break, given all the traveling that I had done. Tomorrow would be another Monday, back to the old grind.

☽●☾

“Yes, I’m fine. No, I won't let anyone in the house, I promise. Yes I’ll check in with Charlie.”

Cara is worse than my parents sometimes when it comes to my safety. Monday morning, while getting dressed, I juggled the phone from one shoulder to the other, answering the same questions over and over and affirming that I wouldn’t do something liable to get me killed until she got back. She was worried enough that her one minute phone call had turned into ten, much more expensive than she’d planned.

“Cara, I’m trying to get pants on, and I’m going to miss my ride if I’m not careful. I swear I’ll not make any dumb decisions until you get back to deal with them. Love you.”

She could fuss me out later for hanging up on her; I refused to go to school without pants on. I near about fell down the stairs, which would have done great things for my still healing ankle, while trying to get to the door. That was why I was completely surprised to not see Angela, Jess, or Alice standing outside, waiting. I would have been grateful to even see Bella or Edward at this rate. Because instead of any of those five, it was Jasper freaking Hale waiting to give me a ride to school.

“Um, hi. What are you doing here?” I decided to forgo pleasantries, seeing as they rarely landed as well as I intended them. As much as I tried to put him out of my mind, it was a shock to see him so suddenly at my door, looking stunning as ever. Behind him, a shiny chrome Harley-Davidson bike stood propped up right by the curb. I’d never ridden a motorcycle before, and surely didn’t want to do so with a pair of crutches and a walking boot. There were no helmets, I noticed.

“Taking you to school. Obviously,” he said plainly before turning on his heel and walking back the way he’d come.

“But I’ve got crutches!” I called, feeling my skin heat with frustration. “How am I supposed to hold them?”

“Don’t,” he answered over his shoulder, not missing a single step. “And hurry; I’d hate to be late. It’ll look bad on my record.”

I hastily propped the crutches by the door and rolled my eyes. Like one tardy would mean anything compared to all the absences he’d accrued over just the last month, let alone the whole semester. I couldn’t really run in my boot, and fast walking required me to swing my leg awkwardly to the side, but if he was my only option for a ride, then he’d just have to be patient.

“I’m not really supposed to walk without my crutches, according to your….Carlisle,” I switched at the end, not sure what his view of his foster dad was. “Only when I’m at home or not around people that might…I don’t know. Accidentally hit my leg.”

I felt lame, just standing there trying to come up with a reason to not ride with Jasper and pleaded silently that someone, anyone, would pull up instead. Who even drove a bike in Forks anyway? It rained practically all the time; seemed like a frivolous investment to me. If there were any upside to the situation, it was that I had ample fuel for irritation towards Jasper, which masked any other emotion that could be misconstrued as affection.

“Do you think someone is going to roundhouse kick you on the way to art? You’ll be fine, I promise. Come on,” he offered me his hand and nodded his head towards the space behind himself, which wasn’t very much. I eyed the leather seat, then his face, then the leather seat again. He was dead serious. Fine, whatever. So much for promising Cara that I wouldn’t do anything dangerous or stupid, because this was both. I clasped his forearm in my hand, not needing a dizzy spell as I slung my leg over the bike. I’d seen people ride bikes together before; usually, the person in the back had to wrap their arms around the person in front. The thought sent my heart into a flurry, and I opted to grab the sides of the seat so hard, my fingers ached.

“Suit yourself,” Jasper said, and I knew that he was referring to my decision to not touch him. He was smiling. I didn’t realize why it was so funny to him until he hit the gas, and I nearly fell off into the middle of the street. So my hands went to his waist until I realized even on a bike with very little to protect you from everyone else driving — not even a freaking helmet— he still had a penchant for going over the speed limit by at least fifteen miles per hour. Reluctantly, I slid my arms around him until I was secure enough that my stomach didn’t do a somersault with every curve of the road. The cold wind whipped my hair in several directions and stung my nose and cheeks. It was…fun, in a crazy, exhilarating kind of way. I would have laughed if not for being afraid a bug would fly in my mouth. And that Jasper would think he was right.

One would expect that being huddled together with someone on a bike would offer some semblance of warmth due to their body heat, but from Jasper, I felt none. It was one of those things that you don’t realize you’re missing right away, but it bugs you, and when you figure it out, it seems really obvious and you can’t forget it.

The ride had only lasted a few minutes with the way he drove. Instead of being late, we were kind of early, beating even Edward and Bella, who pulled up a minute or so behind us.

“My hair is gonna look like a rat’s nest,” I complained to hide my enjoyment, as I pulled my fingers through my hair, trying to unknot it as best as I could. Several strands came detached, floating off as the wind picked them up. Jasper just rolled his eyes and otherwise acted as if he didn’t hear me while securing the bike and adjusting his backpack over his shoulders.

“Give it here, Walker,” he offered his hand out, and I shook my head.

“Nah, I got it. I’m crutch free and bulletproof. I can manage.”

People were looking. No, they were staring. It wasn’t everyday that Jasper drove his bike, and it definitely wasn’t everyday that he had someone accompany him. Having him carrying my things after me being wrapped around him in the parking lot — no matter how necessary it was for safety — would only spur rumors that neither of us needed.

“Collins,” he repeated, more exasperated this time. I was already taking a couple of steps in the direction of the front building, my back to him and my focus straight ahead. There was the sound of a motorcycle starting up, and for a second, I thought it was Jasper leaving for whatever reason. That is, until someone I’d never seen before, but looked awful familiar, pulled into the parking lot on what looked like a dirtbike. My first thought was Sam Uley, the guy that had acted so strangely at La Push a week ago though I realized after a moment it wasn’t him. They might could be related with how similar they looked. Whoever it was, they pulled into a spot and just stood there, glaring. I followed their line of sight in the same direction and landed on Edward Cullen’s car, where he and Bella were both exiting.

I was mid-stride, my booted leg barely suspended off of the pavement when a firm hand closed around my bicep, stopping me in my tracks.

“Jasper really I–”

But Jasper wasn’t stopping me to argue about carrying my bag. He was stopping me from getting any closer to the Sam look alike. His brow furrowed in a look bordering on confusion and pure hatred.

“Do you know who that is?” I asked, clear that there was some recognition between the two of them.

“Yeah,” he bit off curtly. “It’s Jacob Black.”

The name meant nothing to me, but I had a good hunch he was a member of the Quileute tribe. From afar, it was clear that he, Edward, and Bella were having a heated discussion as he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at the both of them. Jasper’s hand remained on my arm, holding me still as we both watched the show. Then, quite surprisingly, Bella hopped on the bike with Jacob and they tore out of the lot as quickly as he’d come in. Edward just stood there, looking a little lost and a whole lot angry.

☽●☾

There was no time to hound Jasper about whoever Jacob Black was or why he and Bella had skipped school together. The AP Calculus exam was coming up at the end of April, and every second of class was spent reviewing old material and squeezing in what was left of new material before the testing date. Luckily, Jess and Angela had also witnessed the exchange from the opposite end of the lot and filled me in on the details during lunch. Jasper and Edward were both nowhere to be found, and Alice claimed to be using her lunch time to get a jumpstart on an art project she had in the works.

“They were friends a long time ago when Bella visited her dad more,” Jessica whispered even though no one involved was around her to hear. “They, like, reconnected when she and Edward broke up last year, but apparently there’s been some falling out. Edward can’t stand him.”

“I don’t think Jasper is his biggest fan either,” I added, based on how he’d reacted this morning.

“Mhm,” Angela hummed, giving me a look from the corner of her eye. She had seen Jasper and I together; Jess had not. I preferred to keep it that way for now. I slowly slid my finger across my neck in a don’t even think about it kind of way.

☽●☾

“That’s at least a little better, isn’t it?” I whined.

“Yeah, what are you doing different?”

“Just focusing more."

It turns out that if you’re trying to block out a supernatural emotional feedback loop from a guy that you have a slight crush on, then the best way to do it is by focusing so hard on literally anything that doesn’t have to do with him. For hiding said crush and blocking him out, that is.

“One more try, and then I’m done. It’s giving me a headache,” I massaged my temples and closed my eyes for just a moment to try and alleviate the tension in my brain. I was glad that we were making progress, but it took a lot out of me, especially after all of the math we’d done.

“Alright,” he agreed, and instead of just touching the ends of our fingers together like we’d been doing, he slipped his hand under mine and clasped it gently. His hands, as always, were freezing even though the heat was running at a warm 73 degrees. Despite being cold, his skin looked a shade less pale. It was most noticeable by the flush of pink near his cheekbones and the slightly lighter purple circles that permanently shaded his under-eyes. His eyes were brighter gold too, brighter than I’d seen them in a while. Camping over spring break had apparently done him some good.

“How was your spring break?” Jasper asked. We never talked during our little practice sessions. It took too much effort to concentrate on two things at once, and now he was trying to hold a whole conversation.

“It was good. I visited my parents and a friend back home. Cara’s supposed to be flying back this weekend.”

I don’t know why I said that. Did that make it seem like I was implying that I would be home alone all week?

“Old flame?” he asked, his eyes shining in the fluorescent lighting. I clenched my teeth and focused on the wall I had up in my mind. That’s what it was, he was trying to mess with me, trying to break my concentration. It was why he’d grabbed my hand the way he did, why he’d started talking and asking questions, and why he was staring me down so intently.

“Sorry, but no. Just an old girl friend. My best friend.”

He nodded his head.

“What about you? How was camping?”

Jasper knew I’d caught on to his distraction; the recognition flashed in his eyes and his lips pulled up in amusem*nt.

“We hunted for a few days, mostly cougars,” he answered simply.

“Are cougars good for eating?” I’d never really heard of people hunting cougars unless there was an overpopulation. He just shrugged and ran his thumb across the back of my middle knuckle, and whatever was left of my stubborn focus dissolved into thin air. I tightened my jaw until it started to hurt. Had he meant to do that or was it just casual, involuntary?

“The bell’s about to ring,” I stood abruptly and pulled my hand away before the dizziness could get too strong. As if on cue, the clear sound rang through the building, signaling the end of free period and the beginning of the next. I didn’t wait for him to follow me out the door, I couldn’t. One more look at him, and I’d probably say or do something really stupid.

The walk to art was silent between the two of us. I had to keep my mind on something, anything , so that Jasper wouldn’t sense the way I’m feeling. I thought about Deborah, and how persnickety she gets about me keeping a drink on the desk at work, then about the angry visitor that insisted his cousin was a patient in the hospital after we’d triple checked the current records and hadn’t found anyone with the name they’d given. I thought about Paris and croissants and Bethany and living together in Auburn until I was confident that Jasper’d been getting a confusing mixture of mood waves from my direction. I don’t let him carry my bag or even give him so much as a side glance in the hallway. He’s only there to make sure Matt, the cretin that he is, leaves me alone.

☽●☾

“Are you feeling okay?”

Angela finds me at my locker on the way to my last class and props herself beside the open door. I was not feeling okay in the slightest. The headache that I had thought was a result of mood control practice never went away; instead, it continued to grow exponentially worse to the point that I popped a few Excedrin in hopes of pain relief, but they barely touched it. The white school lights and sounds of lockers slamming weren’t exactly helping either.

“Yeah, just a headache. Why?

“Your cheeks are pretty red. I thought it was a sunburn, but then I realized you’ve got more of a tan going on. Are you sure you feel okay?”

The pain had started to radiate down my neck, which was concerning, but I only had an hour left. Surely I could make it through and then take a nice long nap to sleep it off.

“Positive. Just stressed about AP exams coming up.”

While calculus was the one class I struggled with most, it didn’t mean the rest of my end of year tests would be a walk in the park either. I still needed to study for those equally as much as the former.

Too stressed, just need to relax, I repeated to myself on the way down the hall. At least I wasn’t the only one not feeling well. Edward had sulked from class to class like a puppy dog that’d been kicked around, even refusing to talk much with Alice. Some evil part of me took delight in the fact that her absence was bothering him so much. She and I weren’t close, but from what I knew about his abandonment of her, it was poetic justice that he was miserable.

And speaking of poetry, English, which had been one of my favorite subjects because of all of the literature, was a struggle. As if the headache wasn’t enough, Matthew was keeping up his whole staring thing. I tried to keep my head down and focus on the material, but when Mrs. Wallace asked me what the color of the flowers in the poem was supposed to symbolize, I completely drew a blank and had to answer with an “I don’t know,” something I tried to never do. Half way through the hour, as we were supposed to be discussing the actions of a minor character, a very cold finger poked me hard between my shoulder blades.

“What’s the matter with you, Collins?”

“Nothing,” I muttered to Jasper. My partner, Melinda, kept talking to the boy in front of her, apparently ready to be done with our analysis.

“Bullsh*t, you know I can feel it, too.”

“Headache,” was all I replied. And it still hadn’t gotten any better by the time the bell rang for the end of school, but at least I’d get to go home.

“Can you call Carlisle and let him know I won’t be coming in? My head is killing me,” I said as we walked through the parking lot to Jasper’s bike. Even the overcast sky hurt my eyes as if it were a clear, sunny day.

“Yeah, sure.”

I didn’t protest the ride this time, didn’t hesitate to hold onto Jasper as we whipped out of the lot and onto the main road. I just laid my head against his shoulder, closed my eyes, and tried my hardest to block the noise of the motor out.

At the door, I fumbled with my keys like the girl in the horror movie that ends up dying because she’s too slow and the masked killer catches up and stabs her to death. I just wanted to go to bed.

“Collins, look at me,” Jasper placed a finger under my chin, turning my head to the left and right. “Your face is super flushed, and you don’t look well. I know you don’t feel well.”

The sound of his voice was low and smooth, the only thing that didn’t make my headache-turned-migraine any worse.

“I’ll be fine,” I insisted. “I just need a nap. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then closed it, let out an exasperated sigh, and headed back down the steps.

I barely took the time to change into an old t-shirt and gym shorts that practically swallowed me, took two more pills, and snuggled under the covers. All I needed was a nice, long nap to sleep off the pain.

Chapter 18: *cough cough* i'm sick

Chapter Text

There were only a few things I was aware of between the hours of four that evening and six the next morning when my alarm went off: first, that my migraine was still sticking around; second, that pain had spread to the rest of my body, and third, that it was impossible to breathe through my nose. It had been my alarm that’d woken me up at the same time as usual, but instead of hopping up and getting in the shower, I hit the SNOOZE button and rolled over, back to the window. The next time I woke, the walls of my room were dimly illuminated by weak sunlight filtering through the heavily clouded sky. The rushing static noise of rain splattering against the roof was punctuated by thunder rumbling every few minutes. Two more pills, the rest of the water in my glass, and a glance at the clock.

12:06 pm

My cell phone screen lit up with a new message from Angela, who must have just gotten to lunch.

Jess said she waited 20 minutes for you this morning. Are you okay?

The screen’s backlight, though faint, was a jarring change from the shadows of my room. I squinted and typed back a short response.

Yeah, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

Her reply was almost immediate.

Oh no! I hope you feel better! Let me know if you need anything.

My teeth felt slimy and rough from not being brushed. It was the one thing that bothered me most from being in bed all morning. I could survive without a shower, but at the very least needed to brush my teeth and pee. When I extracted my legs from the warm cocoon of blankets, the cold air sent my nerve endings into an angry frenzy. Every part of my skin hurt from touch and cold, even the lightest brush against the door frame. The hall bathroom was only a couple of feet from my room, but the distance stretched on as I shuffled. One look at myself in the mirror and I knew that I was sick sick. Not a cold or the sniffles — something a little more serious. I didn’t dare turn on the overhead light, knowing it would exacerbate my migraine. When I got back to my room and crawled into bed, I thought about the loaded pistol in Cara’s room that I’d told Charlie about, and how it might be my only defense should someone actually try to harm me while I’m laid up in bed. I was an easy target without it, and a slightly less easy target with it, yet I couldn’t bring myself to get out from under the covers again. Instead, I pulled them up to my chin and closed my eyes. Whatever monsters were roaming through Washington would just have to stay away.

☽●☾

No less than thirty minutes later, I’m stirred awake by the sound of the front door opening. It’s the monsters I thought as I lay in bed, blanket covering my head, and waited for whoever it was to come eviscerate me. I should have gotten the gun. Maybe in death, my head wouldn’t hurt. There was a soft knock against the door frame, then whoever it was called out my name.

“Collins?”

I’d know that voice even on death’s door. It’s…

“Jasper?” I answered, then dissolved into a fit of coughing. Just add it to the current symptom list, along with the migraine, body aches, congestion, and fatigue. He poked his head through the doorway, then strode in as if he did it all the time. I would’ve been happy to see him if I weren’t feeling like sh*t.

“You look like hell,” he said, and sat just at the edge of the bed, then reached over and placed a hand on my forehead. I didn’t bother pulling away from the touch of his icy skin.

“Jesus, your hands are freezing,” I mumbled and buried my face deeper into the fuzzy blanket. A strand of my bed-head hair tickled my nose, reminding me that it was probably looking like a rat’s nest given that there’d been no shower earlier.

“And you’re burning up,” he said matter of factly.

“I think it’s just your hands. There’s a thermometer in the bathroom behind the mirror.”

He disappeared out the door, then returned with the small glass tube, shook it a few times, and offered it to me. Sitting up made my head spin, but I made it and placed the thermometer under my tongue. The red number on my clock read 12:54.

“What are you doing here?” I asked from the other side of my mouth.

“Shhhh, you’re not supposed to talk.”

I usually would be annoyed at him, but there’s not enough energy in my body to care. The room swirls too much. Jasper just stands patiently, waiting for the results, and when there’s been enough time for an accurate reading, I hold it out of reach. The little silver line had moved all the way to one hundred and three.

“What is it?” he asked casually, but I am too stubborn even in sickness to be easy on him.

“First, tell me what you’re doing here and how you got the door open, and then we’ll talk about my health.”

I must have a talent for eliciting annoyed sighs from Jasper Hale because he does it almost every time I see him lately. He doesn’t sit again, but leans against the wall and crosses his arms.

“Angela said you were sick, as if it weren’t already obvious. And the front door was unlocked.”

I never forget to lock the doors, murderers on the loose or not. Either I had already been sicker than I thought yesterday afternoon or he was lying and had gotten in some other way. But that was ridiculous; I’m sure he didn’t just go around picking locks. I looked up to him, and saw that he wasn’t amused.

“One oh three,” I handed the thermometer back.

“Let me take you by the hospital. Carlisle could squeeze you in right away.”

I shook my head. Nothing besides normal bodily functions were getting me out of the bed.

“Of course,” he whispered exasperatedly. I watched as he sat on the floor beside my bed and leaned his head against the wall. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed and head back, arms loosely folded and resting on his knees. Jasper Hale was in my bedroom alone with me and I couldn’t even enjoy it because I was sick. The irony.

“What about a phone consultation?” he asked with his eyes still closed. “I’m sure Carlisle could call you something in, and I can pick it up.”

“Why are you being so….”

I knew I was shooting myself in the foot. Sick or not, Jasper was being nice and trying to be helpful but my own pertinacity got in the way. It’s not that I didn't want him to be kind; it’s that I didn't know what it meant. He said himself that the dance we shared was just a dance, and not to read too much into it, so I hadn’t. It was a good thing too, with how unpredictable he could be. By tomorrow, he could be ignoring me completely or responding with snarky remarks. Maybe I should’ve just taken it for what it was worth and leave it at that.

“I’m just trying to help,” he huffed. His eyebrows pulled together just a smidgen; his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, like it was painful.

“Okay, you can call him.”

Jasper opened his eyes, the golden color of his irises appearing dull in the lowlight. He took out his phone and pressed the 1 key, calling Dr. Cullen via speed dial. Even I didn’t have my parents on speed dial.

“Hey, it’s me. Yes, everything’s fine. I skipped free period to come see Collins; she’s pretty sick but refuses to see a doctor.”

I glared at him as menacingly as I can muster but he just smiled like I’m as dangerous as a bunny. My stomach fluttered; whether it’s from butterflies or nausea, I’m not sure at this point.

“Here, let her tell you.”

He handed me the phone then set himself on the floor, back against my bed.

“Hey, doc.”

“Good afternoon, Miss Walker. Feeling a little under the weather today?”

“More than a little if I’m being honest. Migraine, body aches, sinus and chest congestion, and a fever of one hundred and three. I feel awful.”

The sound of rustling papers came through the speaker, and I imagined that Dr. Cullen was in his office sorting his desk out between patients.

“That’ll do it. It’s hard to diagnose over the phone without running any tests, but it’s of my professional opinion that you have the flu. Airports are some of the nastiest places you can be, and you’ve traveled to several in the last week. That’s likely where you got the bug from.”

“Yes, I reckon you’re right.”

“I can write you a prescription for an antiviral that will help you recover quicker, but I also recommend taking acetaminophen and a decongestant to help with the symptoms. Would you like to use the hospital’s pharmacy?”

I agreed and thanked him for his time before handing the phone back to Jasper and slipping back into bed. My sinuses filled again.

“I can pick up your medicine. It should only take thirty minutes or so.”

I shook my head, and not because I was being pervicacious.

“You’ve missed enough school as it is. I’m not going to be the reason you can’t graduate due to attendance. Just head back in time for the end of free period and you can get the medicine after school. If you don’t mind.”

I was sure I could’ve asked Charlie or Jess or Angela or even Mike to grab the medicine, but with any luck, maybe Jasper’s mood would stay good. Or maybe, I’d projectile vomit all over him. Either seemed likely.

“Fine. Is there anything you need before I leave?”

“No. I’ll just be getting a shower and then coming back to bed.”

When I tried to get up, I was so light headed that I nearly fell back onto the mattress. That is, if it weren’t for Jasper. His hands reached out to grab my arms before I could fully stumble.

“Maybe you should wait on that shower,” he suggested but I shook my head and instantly regretted it. It just makes the spinning start again.

“No, I just had to get my bearings. I’m not an invalid.”

“Alright, if you fall and end up with another concussion, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

☽●☾

I turned the water as hot as it would go and just sat on the floor of the shower, letting the water stream over me and down the drain. I imagined it washing away all my sickness, but when thirty minutes passed by and the water started to go cold, I felt equally as bad as I had before, just more pruny. My sinuses open up for the duration of the shower, then go right back to being clogged before I can finish braiding my still damp hair. Once dressed in my clean pineapple pajamas, it’s back to bed with my computer and the vampire detective book. Skipping school when you’re sick sounds great until you’re actually sick. At that point, you’d gladly trade clear nasal passages for a pop quiz and a detention. I watched A Walk to Remember and as always, it left me crying, just not as much as the book. Then, I spend the rest of my time waiting on Jasper to get back by reading and wondering how I’d react if I learned that my significant other wasn’t human. From the main character’s point of view, it’s sad that she isn’t given a chance to explain herself before her boyfriend (possibly ex) storms off, leaving her to try and solve the current case without her partner and with a broken, undead heart.

I was near what I hoped would be a reconciliation chapter when the sound of a motorcycle turning onto my street reached me. I don’t have to get up and check to know that it’s Jasper. After another minute, the engine cuts off and the door to the house squeals open.

“Decent?” he asked, but didn't wait for me to reply before walking through the doorway, a paper bag in one hand and a Thermos in the other. I was immensely glad for the shower.

“Thank you for getting that,” I said as he handed me the bag and I fished out the blister packet of large white pills. “What’s in the Thermos?”

“The quintessential meal for anyone that’s sick: chicken noodle soup, courtesy of Esme. She insisted.”

“That’s awful sweet of her.” I opened the lid and inhaled, but couldn't smell much. Even still, my stomach growled. It occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten anything but Excedrin all day. The first sip might as well have been a gourmet meal, it tasted so good. I forced myself to stop long enough to take the medicine that Dr. Cullen sent, but then washed it down with more soup.

“Go easy. Last thing you need is to start puking everywhere.”

Jasper just stood there, arms crossed, until I had my fill of the soup and sat the Thermos down on my nightstand. When I laid back to rest on the headboard, I felt acutely aware of the fact that Jasper was still in my room, and what he’d been waiting for, I was not sure. I didn’t want to ask him to stay to see me continue being all snotty and lethargic, and I also didn’t want to ask him to leave, as it’s strictly against Southern culture. But there was nothing left to do except what Carlisle said: wait it out and try to mitigate the symptoms as much as possible. Of all the times to be sick with the flu, it just had to be two weeks before AP exams, something that I’ve been dreading all semester.

“I know you don’t feel up to it, but I did bring your homework. It’s mostly math.”

That is the last thing I wanted to be doing while sick, but it does occur to me that a week of studying could be the difference between a score of 2 or 3.

“Yeah, thanks. I guess I could get started on that since I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

Jasper reached into his bag and brought out a paper with what was reviewed this morning, along with his notebook and the notebook that we use during tutoring sessions, then grabbed my own calculus notebook from where it sat on my desk. Before I could say anything in protest or otherwise, he plopped down on the other side of my bed and flipped to the most recent page in his notes.

“It probably wouldn’t hurt for me to study, too,” he mumbled. I knew, and he knew, that if his grade in calculus was any indication, he’d have no issue scoring a 5 on the exam. And yet, he stayed anyway to make sure that I understood the material.

“My brain is fried,” I said only an hour later. The sinus pressure in my face had started up a fresh headache, this time in a different spot than yesterday. The steady fall of rain that’s been going all day started to peter out until it was down to a few heavy drops against my bedroom window. Whatever meager sunshine made its way through the clouds had gone, leaving my room shrouded in deep shadow broken up by the warm glow of the two lamps, one on my desk and the other on the nightstand. Once Jasper had finished his math homework, he started reading a book that was so tattered and dog eared, it might’ve been a first edition. The cover had faded so much that the title only became clear once I squinted my eyes and stared at it for a few seconds.

“I’ve never read True Grit, but my dad loves the movie adaptation with John Wayne and Glen Campbell. He watches Westerns all the time.”

“Both are considered American classics, but I think the book is better. There’s more…”

He trailed off and I immediately knew what he was going to say.

“Don’t you dare…”

“...grit,” he concluded, showing his perfect white teeth in a smile. “It’s the only word that fits. You should read it sometime. I would offer to loan you my copy but it’s a little worse for wear.”

“Yeah, I noticed it was pretty worn out. How long have you had it?”

Jasper turned the book over in his hands, this way and that, to examine the nearly blank cover.

“A long time,” he sighed, the smile fading. I had a hunch that he was thinking of his past, the part that Dr. Cullen referenced over a week ago in his office, but I don’t pry. The still silence stretched out until my ears strain for the smallest sound to focus on. I’d like to know what his life was like in Texas, the things that he misses and the things he wishes he could forget. To know more completely the upbringing that’s created the similarities and the differences between us.

“I guess I should head out before Edward has a conniption fit. He’s worked himself into a tizzy about Bella already.”

I’d wondered about Bella and the guy, Jacob Black, that’d whisked her away on a bike yesterday morning, though Jasper and Edward were apparently not fond of him in the slightest. I felt confident that Bella wouldn’t cheat, but something was going on between the three of them and it had looked ugly.

“Thanks again for coming over. Maybe I’ll be back at school before the week’s over,” I suggested optimistically.

“Oh, no you don’t. Carlisle wrote your school excuse for the rest of the week. You’re officially off the hook for the next three days. And I’ll be by with the rest of your homework. Can’t have all that tutoring go to waste.” He casually leaned on the door frame, and although the lighting was dim, I could make out his nearly ever-present smirk. “Luckily, Mr. Savrda is the only teacher that’s holding my attendance record against me.”

“That’s really not necessary–”

“Collins.”

“I don’t want you getting sick–”

“Collins.”

Whatever else I had planned goes dry in my mouth. I’d see Jasper again, maybe each day that week. He was going to be here. With me. Alone. It’s any girl’s dream, mine too. If I weren’t hell bent and determined to not let him know how I feel, that is. But some people just can’t be told.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.”

“Night,” I called after him, and in a few seconds, the door was closing, followed by the sound of his bike revving up in the short driveway. Lord help me.

☽●☾

The next day, after waking up around nine, showering, and getting dressed, I knew that if I didn’t find something to keep myself preoccupied, I'd go stir-crazy; there’s a fine line to walk with how much work I can do before the flu thoroughly kicks my ass. After a dose of DayQuil and Tamiflu, my first task was starting a load of laundry and folding the towels that were dried before we left on our spring break trip. I then texted Cara to inform her of my condition, but she already knew because of Dr. Cullen. I called Charlie at the station and nearly gave him a heart attack because he thought something was wrong. It’s only after I convinced him that everything was okay and he didn’t need to come check on me that he calmed down and wished me better health. Immediately following that, I texted Jasper and warned him to park his bike in the backyard away from the road in case Charlie cruises by to check in. I remembered the gun in Cara’s room and grabbed it on the way back to bed for a little peace of mind until Jasper showed up. Just as I’d assumed, it had a loaded magazine with one in the chamber. Cara was not playing around with the threats of violence spreading to Forks, this much I know for sure.

Around lunch time, I kept checking the clock and wondering when Jasper would arrive until half past when I heard the distinct sound of a motorcycle engine. I made myself stay in bed instead of running to the blinds to watch him walk up the cement; the body aches make it a little easier to resist temptation. The back door swung open,letting in the sound of the rain pouring.

“Real gully washer out there,” he remarked, taking off his jacket and hanging it over my desk chair while water dripped from the ends of his hair. He had to be freezing in a soaked shirt and jeans.

“You could’ve waited until later, once the rain let up,” I laughed and pulled myself out from under the multiple blankets that were piled on my bed. Chillbumps rose all over my skin in the cool air. I grabbed a towel for him from the bathroom and started rummaging in my dresser for one of my old t-shirts that I usually wore instead of pajamas. I found a faded Auburn “Punt Bama Punt!” shirt with a hole in the sleeve. “I don’t think I have any gym shorts that’d fit you but I can toss your clothes in the dryer if you want to–”

I stopped mid sentence while looking up and saw him turn around and peel off his shirt. The light from my desk lamp shone in just the right angle to faintly illuminate a scar like the one I saw on his arm during the dance. It was gone in a flash at the slightest movement, and I wondered if there were more and where they could have come from. My gaze traced the lines of muscle in his back and arms, then up to his neck and shoulders. I knew he was strong, strong enough to carry me across the parking lot and up a flight of stairs with relative ease, but I’d never seen him in a t-shirt, and I’ve definitely never seen him without a shirt. In my bedroom. Alone. I swallowed and looked away, my face burning so hotly that it put my fever to shame. I had to think about something else, some other emotion, before I embarrassed the crap out of myself. I settled on Matt, whose face conjured up enough anger and disgust that I should be set for the rest of the day.

“Um, if— if you want to take a shower,” I finished.

“I’d appreciate it, if you don’t mind,” he turned back around and smiled at me and I had to think about something else. Matt. Matthew. Matthew Johnson and his stupid, stupid face.

“There’s towels under the sink and you’re free to use anything in there,” I busied myself with grabbing my calculus book and notebook from my desk, then acting like I was looking for a pencil until he exited to the hallway. “And toss your wet clothes outside the door!”

It’s only then that I feel like I can breathe. He never told me what range he had for sensing and manipulating my mood, but I hazard a guess that being in the same building is close enough for both. Once I heard the bathroom door open and shut, along with the wet plop! of clothing, I tried to busy myself with the laundry and then worked on everything I’d missed in my other classes so far, so that when Jasper got out of the shower and fully clothed, we could go over math homework. He took about thirty minutes, which is fine by me because it gave enough time for his jeans to fully dry and for me to fold and return them outside the door after throwing his shirt and hoodie in for the next cycle. When he emerged wearing the faded blue shirt and jeans, barefoot and still towel drying his hair, my mouth went dry and I was struck by how…cute he looked. Yeah, that’s the word, because usually when I see Jasper, it’s at school and he holds himself with such a straight posture and has perpetual RBF. He’s always hot, but just then, standing in my doorway, he’d looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen him, aside from the muscle in his jaw that’s always, always, twitching.

“Auburn looks good on you,” I said, and only realized after the words have exited my mouth that not everyone cares about intra-state football rivalries and my comment could come across different than intended.

“I’m more of a Texas A&M fan,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and sitting at my desk.

“Ew, no. Y’all don’t even have a fight song.”

“We have a war hymn,” he retorted, opening his notebook. I threw two air quotes up and recited the “Hullabaloo, Caneck” line of the so-called war hymn.

“Mhm, very intimidating,” I drawled sarcastically, really only wanting to antagonize him than to start going toe to toe about season statistics. He threw a crumpled up piece of paper at my head, but I dodged it and laughed. And then he laughed and we both were in such a good mood that I hoped there was never another day that we had to be catty and rude to each other, because even if we can only be friends, I wanted to really be friends.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he reached into his bag and withdrew the Thermos from yesterday. Judging by the soft thud it made when he tossed it on my bed, it’d been filled with more chicken noodle soup. Again, I hadn’t had much to eat that day, so I set my homework aside, grabbed the book I’d been reading, and took a break to drink the soup while hopefully finishing another chapter. When Jasper’s done with his homework in a matter of minutes, it made me wonder what his plans for college were, since he seemed to have amazing grades and the financial support to afford him whatever opportunity he wanted. It’s not something that we’ve ever talked about.

“Thanks for the soup.”

Jasper shrugged and looked at me with a confused expression. I wracked my brain for what he could be thinking but came up empty.

“When I got in the shower,” he started, and I have to think about calculus again, “you were upset about something. What was it?”

Oh, thank God that’s all he seems to have picked up, because I can explain it away easily and truthfully, for the most part.

“It was Matthew. The idea of him has a strong effect on my mood; I’m sure you can understand that.”

“Is he bothering you again?” he asked, and I had the feeling he’s gearing up to bust his lip again.

“No, the only thing he does is stare at me during class, but I can handle that.”

We both lulled back into a comfortable silence until I finished the last bit of the soup, which tasted even better than before. I was distinctly aware of him watching me while trying to act like he’s not watching me, and the effect it had is much different than when Matt blatantly eyes me in English.

“I guess it’s time for calculus, isn’t it?” I asked, and reluctantly pulled my math book back into my lap. I had a little nest of blankets due to ward off the chills sticking around, along with books and my computer so I could stay occupied until this darn flu left me for good. Jasper cleared a small space and got situated, notebook open and turned to the current section. “I think I just need help on these two, if you can give me a hint on how to solve them.”

I watched as his hand moved over the paper, writing small corrections but not revealing the answer so I can try to work it out. The second time he checked them, they’re completely correct, and I feel a little pride in the fact that I’ve gotten better at my least favorite subject. The rain outside picked up right around the time he finished checking my work, lightning flashing across an already dark sky. Thunder rumbled intermittently and the electricity gave a little flicker, but ended up staying on.

“I don’t think it’s safe for you to head home in this weather,” I finally said after listening to a particularly loud combo of thunder and lightning. I only counted two seconds between them each.

“Collins, it’d take a lot more than a thunderstorm to do me in,” he glanced at me and the corner of his mouth tugged up in a smirk.

“Yeah, well, you’re not super-human, so please, just indulge me and wait for it to let up,” my words are punctuated by another loud crack of lightning flashing across the sky. “Wanna watch a movie? I already watched A Walk to Remember yesterday and thoroughly cried my eyes out, so unless you want to see that happen again, we can pick something else.”

“Not unless you have a hankerin’ for crying, I guess.”

I scrolled through the video library on my computer and settled on Red Eye, a thriller about a woman trying to outwit a terrorist on a plane to Miami. Near the end, Jasper checked out and picked up his tattered copy of True Grit, while I saw it through until the end. Honestly, it was a little predictable but I enjoyed it all the same.

“Not a fan of Rachel McAdams? Or is it Cillian Murphy that doesn’t do it for you?” I poked his arm, careful not to touch skin.

“I like them both fine. I just saw the end coming.”

“And you don’t know how your book is going to end even though you’ve read it I don’t know how many times?” I asked incredulously. He was nearly done with it, though it didn’t look like that long of a book.

“This is a classic, Collins. Surely even you can appreciate the value in reading a book more than once.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?” I tried to feign hurt at his purposefully vexing insinuation, but his mouth curved into a playful smile and I couldn’t keep a straight face. “You’re such an ass, you know.”

My insult doesn’t faze him at all.

“Have you even thought about reading it?”

“No, but I’ve seen the movie. My dad loves it, remember?”

He rolled his eyes and flipped back to the first page.

“You’ve gotta read it. It’s got everything you could want: the Wild West, a strong female lead, and revenge, which I presume you enjoy because you checked out The Count of Monte Cristo. Did I mention the Wild West?”

I thought back to that day in the library when he’d retrieved the book too far above my head. It was only a few months ago, but so much had happened between then and now that it felt like forever.

“I don’t know. Westerns haven’t ever been my thing unless they’re in movie form, and even then it’s only a select few.”

He rolled his eyes, so annoyed, so thoroughly exasperated with me putting off his book suggestion that I felt the tinges of annoyance myself. I’d rarely felt his unintentional influence on my mood except for extraordinary circ*mstances. Turns out that protesting the Western genre is extraordinary.

“Come on. I’ll even read it to you; you’ll get the full Texan experience.”

“You’re not gonna let up on this, are you?” I asked, but felt a little fluttery at the idea.

“Like hell I will."

“Ugh, fine.”

I pulled the topmost blanket around my shoulders and scooted closer so I could follow along as he read. I wondered if he even thought twice about how close we sat on my bed, but he was always so sure of himself. It was close enough that I could smell my laundry detergent and lavender soap on the shirt he borrowed and his skin, respectively, and the faint scent of tobacco. I’d never taken him as a tobacco user, though the scent was always there. Maybe it was some faint note in the cologne he wore, but whatever it was, I really liked it.

“Ready?”

“Mhm.”

“‘People do not give it credence that a fourteen-year old girl could leave home and go off in the wintertime to avenge her father’s blood but it did not seem so strange then, although I will say it did not happen every day…’”

I settled in for the story and tried my best to visualize like I do when I read, but if I’m being honest with myself, there’s no way that I could focus when Jasper was so near and the sound of his voice was so soothing. He’s right about a Texan accent making the book even better and I noted the ways that it was different from my own. I’d been familiar enough with the story that it’s easy to skip over some of the details, and at the point when Rooster Cogburn is giving Mattie a drunken lesson about how serving papers to rats doesn’t work— though he isn’t really talking about rats— I started to feel exceptionally drowsy. It’s his voice and the lighting and the rain and the fuzzy blanket and this cussed flu. It’s the warm feeling swirling around in my stomach that comes around when Jasper’s in an agreeable mood. It’s everything. I made it to the halfway point before I dozed off. I knew that my head was drooping onto Jasper’s shoulder, but he didn’t mention it, didn’t even act as if he noticed, and I took that as a good enough reason to not care either.

☽●☾

It’s really dark. That was my first thought when I opened my eyes in my room, shrouded in shadow after sunset. The rain continued drumming against the roof, a steady murmur in the otherwise quiet night. My vision slowly adjusted to the moonlight streaming in through the open blinds, casting streaks over the floor. The next thought was about how dry my mouth felt. In the middle of trying to swallow as much spit as possible to alleviate my equally parched throat— still halfway between awake and asleep— I noticed a pale hand in front of my face, gripping a paperback novel. Immediately, I registered a weight across my midsection and the sound of someone else’s breathing. After the smallest instance of panic, my memory started to clear.

Jasper.

It couldn’t be. There was no way on this Earth that—

I slowly rolled over to confirm or deny my suspicions, only to come face to face with the one guy I’d developed a huge crush on, sound asleep in my bed. Stuff like this only happened in rom-coms and romance novels; it did not happen to me.

Moonlight washed over Jasper’s skin and hair, illuminating him in a soft white glow. The features of his face that were usually set in a scowl or a smirk or occasionally, a genuine smile, rested in a peaceful expression I’d yet to see on him. For the first time, I could examine everything that made his face so excruciatingly perfect: the thick, dark lashes above perpetual dark purple circles, flawlessly smooth pale skin, and full lips set in a neutral line. A blonde lock of hair fell over his face, resting against his tall, straight nose; I reached up to tuck it behind his ear. He stirred, pulling me closer until my body pressed against his. He must have thought I was a pillow. My breathing stilled as his hand skimmed over my spine before coming to a stop at the small of my back. It wasn’t until my lungs started burning that I allowed myself to breathe again. His scent filled my nose, causing a thick fog to swirl around my mind. It was exhausting, constantly keeping up a metaphorical wall around my emotions to lock them in and lock him out. Now that he was asleep, I could take a break and let it down, succumbing to the intoxicating feeling that drifted through my brain. My arm rested over his shoulder, now that there was virtually no room between us.

My chest thudded painfully with each shuddering beat of my heart, loud enough in my ears that it drowned out the sound of our breathing. Jasper’s hands were always freezing, but even now, snuggled against each other, there was no warmth coming from his body. It would have been concerning if my mind hadn’t been dulled of rational thought by how nicely he smelled. I grabbed the edge of my fuzzy blanket and tugged it over us, hoping it’d be enough to warm him up. Maybe I should have woken him and sent him home with a cup of coffee for good measure. Or called Dr. Cullen to let him know that we’d both accidentally fallen asleep (in separate places of course) and that Jasper would be home first thing in the morning. But it was already past midnight, my eyelids were getting heavier by the second, and damn it, it felt too good, being wrapped in his arms like that. We would handle the consequences in the morning, I decided, burying my face in the crook of his neck and letting the sound of his breathing lull me back to sleep.

☽●☾

The next morning, just before ten, I awoke to the other side of my bed vacant of hot men that were exceptionally good at calculus. In the open space was the t-shirt I’d lent Jasper and his tattered copy of True Grit. I didn’t remember him leaving, but I did remember waking up to find him in my bed sometime last night; the thought made my stomach flip uncontrollably. What would happen the next time we saw each other? What if he’d woken up to us intertwined and freaked out? I couldn’t entertain the alternate possibility that he’d been happy to wake up in my bed, given our history of not getting along.As if my poor stomach hadn’t been through enough with the antivirals and copious amounts of Excedrin and DayQuil, it didn’t benefit from my brain vacillating between the memory of Jasper’s fingers running along my back and the prediction of how he might react when I saw him later that day.

It was only exacerbated by the text he sent hours later, that he couldn’t come by today, but maybe tomorrow after school. It nearly sent me into a panic attack. I had to tell someone or else I’d absolutely lose my mind worrying. There was only one person whose secrecy and advice I trusted. I postponed the call until after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of sweet tea and a shower. Angela wouldn’t be able to answer until her lunch period anyway.

“Hello? Is everything okay?” her voice echoed as the sound of her locking the stall door came through the phone.

“Yeah, nothing’s wrong per say but something happened and I’m freaking out a little,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice from rising an octave. It really wasn’t a big deal and in the grand scheme of things; people around the world were dying and I had bigger fish to fry (studying!), but needed to get it off my chest just the same.

“So uh, Jasper kind of stayed over last night.”

“He WHAT?”

I pulled the phone away from my ear as I heard a loud smack! There was a scramble and then the sound of slightly rushed breathing.

“Sorry, I just dropped my phone on the bathroom floor.”

“Ew, gross.”

“Yeah, but did you just tell me Jasper spent the night at your house?” Angela answered in a loud-whisper that would hopefully be difficult for anyone to hear should they also enter the bathroom. I pulled a hand through my still damp hair, trying to work out the tangles in my brain and hair simultaneously.

“It’s not like that,” I started, hoping that telling her hadn’t been the wrong choice. “He came over with my homework and we were studying and then we were reading and the next thing I knew, we both fell asleep on my bed.”

It’s the truth, but even to my own ears, it sounded contrived. I decided to leave out the whole part about him stripping half naked and then wearing my old t-shirt. Recalling it flooded my stomach with warmth I didn’t feel like sharing.

“When I woke up this morning, he had already left and he’s since texted me that he can’t come by today. I’m trying to figure out how much I should be freaking out, if any at all.”

Angela let out a long sigh into the receiver, then made a humming noise.

“That’s a tough one. Who fell asleep first?”

“Me. I kind of nodded off with my head on his shoulder,” I added in that bit, and it made my stomach do a little flip.

“Oh my gosh, that’s so cute. He could actually like you, Collins; it’s not that far-fetched. He and Edward are both absent today, so he’s probably not coming by because of a family thing. You know they miss allllll the time,” she paused there, then continued. “Come to think of it, Edward has been in a horrible mood since Monday.”

Monday, the day Bella left school with that Jacob Black dude and Edward was pissed off.

“You’re right, I’m probably overthinking that text,” I conceded, forcing myself to think positively. “What should I do the next time I see him?”

“Just do whatever you feel like doing. The worst he could do is turn you down.”

It sure hadn’t felt that way, though if you had asked me what could happen that would be worse than him turning me down, I wouldn’t be able to think of a reasonable example. And I couldn’t decide on what I wanted to do the next time I saw him. In a perfect world, I’d tell him how I was feeling and we would work it out, but this world, and I, are not perfect by a long shot. Talking to Angela alleviated some of my anxiety but it didn’t give me a clear answer.

I needed something to do to occupy my mind for the rest of the day. The worn-out copy of True Grit remained atop my folded t-shirt. I’d assumed it was important to Jasper, given that he hadn’t offered to let me borrow it while insisting I should read it. I gingerly picked it up, being careful to not bend any of the already worn corners. The last part of the story I remembered when he read it aloud was Mattie crossing the river after Cogburn and LaBoeuf kept her from taking the boat across. I knew the general high points of the story, but couldn’t remember the details about how she had gotten into the predicament in the first place. It was a short book, less than 300 pages and the type wasn’t very small. I had plenty of time on my hands given that Jasper wouldn’t be stopping by. I refilled my glass of tea and settled into my bed, which was becoming my main spot during recovery.

The story was simple enough: Mattie Ross seeks out to employ a US Marshal to track down the man that killed her father in cold-blood. She teams up with a one-eyed, drunken ex-Confederate, based on his reputation for having true grit, and a Texas Ranger that thinks mighty highly of himself. The story is written from Mattie’s point of view, Arkansas dialect and all. She tells it so plainly, but with plenty of detail that you could imagine yourself in what was once called Indian Territory, hunting down the coward and his band of thieves. It’s the only thing that I did for the rest of the evening, and by the time I finished the story, my eyes were so tired from reading— and crying— that I could barely make out the time on my alarm clock. If I hadn’t got teared up at the death of Little Blackie and Rooster Cogburn, my sinuses would have been nearly clear, but once again they’d become congested and swollen. I decided to take another shower before bed to hopefully get the snot moving again and to give me a little more time to shamelessly get cried out. I was probably hormonal, which didn’t help my mental deliberation in the slightest.

I took my time rather than only having a quick shower since it was the first time I felt up to it all week. I washed my hair and conditioned it, shaved my legs, and even used a eucalyptus & spearmint body scrub Cara had gotten me for Christmas. It helped my sinuses clear along with the steam; I felt like a new person by the time I emerged from the bathroom, hair in a towel and plush robe tied around my clean body. My sickly-pale coloring had gradually returned to its light-golden post-spring break tan. I towel dried my hair until it was only slightly damp and braided it out of the way. There was one more thing that I needed to revisit before sleeping: Things About the Cullens that Don’t Geehaw. I’d resolved #2, the interaction of mine and Jasper’s empathic abilities, and I technically had an answer for #4, why the Cullens had left for several months, but the answer wasn’t satisfactory. The rest of the original items (#1, Cullen Effect, #3 synchronous perfect features, and #5, bad vibes from Edward) had yet to be resolved. There were a few that needed to be added, and I tried to remember the details as I wrote them down:

1. The Cullens and Hales = alarm bells in my head.
2. Jasper makes my empathic abilities go haywire.
3. They all look strangely alike (skin, teeth, eye color), but also not (hair color, features, stature)
4. They all left for a few months and then came back after Bella went to find them.
5. Edward gives me bad vibes.
6. Bella lacks emotion
7. Jasper never eats
8. The Cullens don’t go to LaPush
9. Jasper’s mood swings
10. Jacob Black (see #8)

Jacob Black was added as an afterthought. He seemed harmless enough, but it was too odd to be a coincidence that we’d seen Sam Uley and his band of Hollister models at the beach, and then Jacob showed up at school. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Jacob had been one of the friends that was cliff jumping that weekend, I just hadn’t known at the time to pay him much attention. The way Sam had looked at me, like I was growing two heads before abruptly ending our conversation and running off, still stayed etched in my mind. It was a little embarrassing. Did I smell? Had I had something on my face? Were my boobs falling out of my swimsuit top? All answers to those questions were likely a no, but one could never be too sure. And then there was the fact that Jessica said the Cullens never went to La Push. I hadn’t thought of it all that weird except in terms of Edward not going even when Bella invited him. They really were inseparable, until Jacob showed up and toted Bella away on his bike. Edward was understandably mad, but was that because his girlfriend was hanging out with another guy, or was it more personal than that? Maybe it had something to do with why they avoided the beach.

The NyQuil started kicking in, making my mind feel a little sluggish and my eyes heavy. There was something I was missing, some piece that would probably explain everything on my list, I just didn’t know what it was yet.

☽●☾

Friday morning, when I woke up, my stomach had unanimously decided it would be excited about seeing Jasper rather than anxious about what to do when he got here. I was feeling better too, thanks to all the medicine and the adequate rest I’d had. I changed out my bedding, started more laundry, and spent the time between each drying cycle to give the house a general straightening-up so that Cara wouldn’t return back to a pig’s sty on Sunday. By the time all of the usual household chores were completed, I had just enough time and energy to shower and get dressed for the day.

Outside, the sky was overcast, like normal, but not nearly as dark as it had been earlier in the week. A light drizzle of rain coated everything in a thin sheen of water. It was the kind of rain that tended to make you mad; just enough to be a bother but not enough to warrant turning on the windshield wipers when driving. I grabbed a fresh blanket from the pile we kept in the living room and pulled out an old thrift store book that’d been in my “to-read” stack for months. It would have been nice to get my mind off of Jasper, but it took rereading the same page three times before the setting of the story really stuck enough to continue. And just when I started to form a picture in my brain of the main character, the sound of Jasper’s motorcycle turning onto my street broke my concentration. Butterflies beat their wings mightily inside my stomach. The sensation wasn’t foreign to me, but I hadn’t expected it to be so strong. It demanded my attention and focus to tamp down those feelings before it was too late. I bit my tongue and my cheek, pressed my fingernails into my palms until they left little crescent imprints, even held my breath for ten seconds. The butterflies subdued themselves to a restless ruffle. It was the best I could do before opening the front door.

Jasper stood there in a gray t-shirt, jeans, boots that he wore more often than not, and a quintessential rain jacket every Forks’s resident wouldn’t leave the house without. When I’d started noticing details about him, like the shoes he wore, I couldn’t tell you. But then again, when you see only one person for several days at a time, you start to pick up on those things. Especially when you have a slight crush on said person. His hair was damp from the misting rain; he ran a hand through it, which only made him look more attractive in a messy, rugged way. The butterflies were prepared to take flight again. I squashed them back down.

“Hey,” I said, softly grinning because although I could subdue the butterflies, I couldn’t act as if I wasn’t happy to see him. “You made it.”

“Of course I did. You’re all sick and whatnot. Gotta make sure you don’t spontaneously perish,” he said all of this so casually that the nervousness I’d experienced since waking up melted into nothing. He matched my smile and stepped through the door, taking off his jacket and placing it on one of the wall pegs, like he lived here. Like he was used to coming here. Which, after nearly a week of bringing me food and homework, he probably was. So falling asleep on my bed the other night either meant absolutely nothing or it absolutely meant something but Jasper was too cool to act like it was a big deal. I couldn’t decide which was worse. If it meant something, then we’d eventually have to address it; on the other hand, if it meant nothing, then—

Well, I guessed that would be best, even though the thought turned my stomach into a lead ball. It didn’t matter that I’d be out of state in two months; the idea that Jasper could be so indifferent as to be able to spend this last week together, to sleep beside each other no matter how accidental it had been, and think nothing of it. I didn’t want to consider that possibility, no matter how much I needed to.

“Collins?”

We were still standing in the foyer, the sound of the rain kicking up into a loud pitter-patter. Jasper reached past me to close the door, shutting out the cold, damp air; I held my breath, knowing that if I breathed him in, it would set the butterflies aflutter once more. I needed to avoid that until I could decide what to do and how to feel.

“We can start on calculus homework if you want. Our exam is next week after all.”

I returned to my spot on the living room couch, the nest of pillows and blankets to keep out the lingering winter chill. There wasn’t enough room for two people, which was good. Friends didn’t have to sit so closely to each other, especially friends that had a hard time regularly coexisting. The homework was simple enough — mostly a conglomeration of the material we’d already covered. I split my concentration between not looking at Jasper and finishing each problem. But every few minutes, I couldn’t resist stealing a glance — couldn’t resist noticing how the warm light from the lamp bounced off the golden strands of hair that fell into his face, or the focused look in his eyes as he scanned over his notes. The way his hand steadily moved over the page, answering each question correctly. I steered my gaze back to my own problems, intent on not letting the emotional block, the one that I had built up brick by brick, come tumbling down. I would deal with my feelings later when he was out of range.

“How’s Edward? You mentioned something about him having a conniption fit over you being out late the other night?”

The day before you fell asleep in my bed.

I hoped that the conversation would keep even more of my mind occupied as I finished up the last calculus problem.

“He’s…Edward. Dramatic as usual and moody as ever.”

“Still sulking about Bella and Jacob?” I asked. He looked up, meeting my eyes, and I watched the slight movement of his jaw, the curiosity that flashed over his face for only a split second.

“Uh, yeah. I guess. We haven’t really talked about it much.”

How could they not, I wondered, after seeing how pitiful Edward had looked. Sure, Cara and I didn’t share all of our feelings, but there was no way I could act so mopey around her without an interrogation at some point. Maybe it was different with adopted siblings, maybe it was different with brothers. I had very little perspective for either.

“What about you and Cara? Have things gotten better since- you know…”

Since Matthew Johnson tried to forcefully drag me from the Valentine’s dance after spiking my drink with several ounces of vodka, planning to do only God knows what with my incapacitated body?

“Mhm, we always make up in the end. Kind of hard to stay mad at someone when you live and work with them. We’re just too stubborn for our own good sometimes.”

“You? Stubborn? Naw.”

I grabbed the nearest throw pillow and made good on its name, hurling it across the room at him. Of course, it took no more than a flick of his hand to knock it away, laughing the entire time. A rich, full laugh that reverberated in my chest.

“Don’t start getting too big for your britches. You’re stubborn as a mule on your best day,” I couldn’t keep that same laughter out of my own voice. It felt like the sun had come out just in the room, warming me from head to toe.

“And on my worst day?”

“Downright unbearable.”

Jasper huffed good-naturedly, closing his textbook and reclining, never taking his eyes off of me. I returned the look, noting the way his fingers curled and uncurled around nothing but air. This banter, if that was what it was, only made the decision to shut him out even more confusing. Things had gotten so much more amicable between us in the last few weeks. From supporting me at the police station to coming by every day to keep me company rather than just dropping off my homework and leaving right away. He’d brought me food and watched a movie and read me a book. And fell asleep on my bed; I wouldn’t be forgetting that any time soon. Maybe giving it, giving us, a chance wasn’t the worst idea ever. Unless he didn’t feel the same way, in which case I would ask Sam Uley about the lethality of jumping from the cliffs at La Push.

There was a chime, Jasper’s phone, that pulled me from my thoughts and grabbed his attention.

“Speaking of the devil,” he muttered, then rose to his feet in one fluid motion. “I should get going. He’ll have a fit if I’m late for supper again.”

Damn Edward, I thought. I just wanted a little more time, just a few minutes more of the lighthearted conversation that was hard for us both to come by with each other.

“Oh! I almost forgot. You left your book.”

The other night when you fell asleep in my bed after reading to me.

By the time I had retrieved the book from my bedside table and started back down the stairs, Jasper stood at the door with his jacket on and his bag slung over his shoulder. I handed him the worn out paperback, careful to not damage it any further.

“I read it,” I blurted out, wanting to stretch out our conversation as much as possible.

“And what did you think?”

“I—,” I thought for a moment about how it felt reading the book for the first time, so I could be honest. “I actually really liked it.”

Jasper examined the cover, as if checking for any new tears or creases and stuffed it into the interior pocket of his jacket before meeting my eyes.

“You cried, didn’t you?” his mouth tugged upward in a knowing grin. Was I that predictable?

“Only at the end when Little Blackie’s heart gives out. I can’t stand animal deaths.”

He nodded, like maybe he had once cried at that part too, but not since he was a kid.

“It was all a part of the effort to save Maddie.”

“I know, but she was just a pony; she didn’t understand.”

“A loyal horse will do what’s best for its rider, no matter what the cost,” he said, a hint of sadness entering his voice. He cleared his throat and put on a smile. “Are you feeling well enough to stay by yourself until Cara gets back?

I nodded, wishing in a weird way that I would get just a little sicker again. He tilted his head slightly and placed a finger under my chin to lean my head back and examine my face, much like he had on Monday.

“Clear eyes, minimal redness, no stiffness of the neck,” he turned my face this way and that, until I couldn’t hold back a small laugh. The ends of his fingers drifted to both sides of my neck as he leaned down to get a closer look, a sh*t-eating grin pulling the corners of his mouth up. “Your lymph nodes aren’t swollen anymore. That’s good."

Silliness I’d felt at his mock examination faded the closer his face got to mine. The foyer felt even smaller with us standing so close together; when I inhaled, his scent filled my nose, clouding my brain and just as potent as always. It was all the more difficult to keep a pathokenetic wall up while thinking through the haze, coupled with his hands on my skin. I was slipping, all efforts to regain any semblance of control faltered while I watched the color of Jasper’s eyes fade from a light butterscotch to a warm amber. A tugging sensation, like an invisible line pulling me forward, started in my chest. The slightest guidance of his fingers turned my head in the direction of his lips, which had gradually relaxed into an expression similar to when he’d been asleep. Everything came to a standstill, even the rain outside stopped momentarily. My pulse thudded in my ears so loudly that I wondered if he could possibly hear it, though that was preposterous; humans couldn’t hear each other’s heartbeats.

“Edward’ll be mad if you’re late,” I whispered, afraid to break whatever spell had fallen over us in the last thirty seconds. That tugging sensation brought us closer until there weren’t inches, but only centimeters of space. His breath, cool as the spring breeze, fanned over my face, slowing my thoughts like molasses in December.

“To hell with what he thinks,” he whispered back.

There was no more space as he finished saying those words. His smooth lips brushed mine, sending a shiver running up my spine and into my skull while warmth flooded the rest of my body. Electricity sparked everywhere his hands touched me as they slowly moved to rest at the back of my neck, holding me steady. I was kissing Jasper Hale; Jasper Hale was kissing me. It couldn’t have lasted more than five seconds, but for all I knew, it was an eternity before we parted.

It wasn’t enough; I leaned in again, savoring the tingle that crept over my skin as my lips touched his for the second time. One hand tangled into my hair while the other arm slid around my waist, pulling my body to him until there was more of us touching than not. My own hands grasped at his shirt, his jacket, anything that’d give me better leverage to press my mouth harder against his because, God, he tasted just as good as he smelled, just as intoxicating. Any alarm bells at the back of my mind were too heavily blanketed by mist to be noticed.

Several things happened at once, or at least so closely together, they seemed simultaneous. Whatever remaining rein I had over my emotions dissolved as I ran my tongue along Jasper’s bottom lip, tasting smoke and the sweet burn of whiskey. A strangled noise from his throat cleared the slightest bit of fog at the edges of my brain, aided by a sharp tug on my hair and a borderline painful squeeze of my hip. Suddenly, we were fully separated and both gasping for fresh air. With clean oxygen filling my lungs and a clearer mind, I had enough sense to feel embarrassed at getting carried away, regardless of how it may have been reciprocated. Jasper’s own wide eyed expression was enough to make my face burn.

“Sorry, I–”

Before I could get the rest of my apology out, he was halfway out the door, slamming it shut hard enough to rattle the surrounding windows.